Children seeing Exs new partner

The more I read the more complicated this seems. Of course on the surface then yes her behaviour is out of order but after hearing more about the caring responsibilities you both have I do suspect that her behaviour is her way, albeit not a very healthy way, of escaping or coping.

Caring for a very sick or disabled child is incredibly challenging and she is clearly not coping and it has also likely contributed to the demise of your relationship. Of course this isn't fair on you and you seem to be holding it all together for everyone. Her coping abilities....ir lack of are likely rooted in her own upbringing and mental health. She no doubt needs some serious therapy to get back on track. I doubt going in heavy handed is going to help here and you can't really control who she introduces the kids to but I think you need to have a conversation with her where you make it really clear how disruptive these fleeting relationships will be to your kids when life is already so challenging.

It's a very difficult situation. My heart hurts for all of you.
I'm sorry, life didn't work out for you both as planned, best of luck with your DS.
Life is out of control for both of you.

I’m so sorry about your son. I’m not perfect but personally couldn’t do what she is doing. But then I haven’t lived with the stress and terror of having a terminally ill child. It does sound like she could be struggling in her own way, like some kind of mid-life crisis.

My heart goes out to you and your children, l can't Imagine what you are going through, your little boy will need lots of help to survive this situation.

Yep either posters haven't read the Op,s posts properly or they are so consumed with putting the boot in becsuse it's a man posting they don't care about the circumstances.

This is the vibe I got. Its not the norm to suddenly get tattoos, date 3 guys in quick succession and leave your child when theyre crying for you when that's never been your pattern of behaviour. To have to cope with what you are coping with your eldest is most parents worst ever fear. I would be inclined to think she breaking under the pain, fear and pressure. Hats of to you for managing yourself how you are, I know if the shoe was on my foot id be crippled with anxiety.
Do you think she would be receptive to getting some support?

There are some really odd responses on this thread from people calling the OP “controlling” and defending the ex’s “right” to do what she wants. HER SON IS AT HOME ON PALLIATIVE CARE! What sort of person prioritises their sex life over caring for their own dying child? The OP is probably at the end of his rope trying to care for these kids and she’s off out till all hours with the boyfriend of the week. She sounds awful and if this was the other way around and it was mum at home with the kids, the bloke would be getting a right old slating. Mumsnet is very weird.

It sounds to me like your ex may be struggling to cope and is running away from the situation at home because it’s so overwhelming. The multiple partners may well be because she wants something for herself and needs to feel loved and cared for in a situation where she feels helpless. Perhaps gently try to suggest she seeks support to get some coping strategies in place, particularly with what’s ahead with your son. I can’t imagine how tough it must be for you both.

Me too, extremely sorry about your elder child. I don't think she is much of a mother if she can't be bothered to look after a young sick child who is upset and asking for her.

If these roles were reversed a lot off these comments would be telling you to take “him” to the cleaners! But because she is a woman it’s okay and you’re the controlling one. She sounds like a right idiot and is putting her self first before her kids and acting like an idiot. I’d tell her to sort her self out or she’s not seeing the kids, what kind of mother can have her chile crying in her lap and leave for a man? And taking her kids to meet a man she has known for five minites after you BOTH agreed not to do this! She sounds like a nightmare! And I’m a woman before anyone starts!

This is an absolutely classic MN post where if you swap the sexes round you’d get completely different answers.

OP, most people on MN hate men.

So let’s be clear, if a man went out to go drinking with a new partner, while leaving his disabled child and sick child with her ex wife to look after, he’d be slated. As it’s a woman doing it, it’s your fault for calling her back when she’s out having fun.

And if a man introduced the kids to a new partner he’d only met a few weeks ago, he’d be a terrible parent for confusing them, and should wait at least a whole year before introductions. But don’t worry, as it’s a woman doing it, it’s fine.

That's decent of you. Have a good day!

OK, i accept that.

I cross posted with you, good of you to apologise BUT he did say in his OP
couldn’t sort him out and our eldest who had needs. He can get sick easily if any bugs get near him and he needed meds etc

so even if he hadn't given further details, that was really enough not to have said what you did.

I posted an apology to the Op earlier

I'm sorry, it's a lot to deal with.

i can't imagine the pain you're going through with your eldest ❤️‍🩹 and if course you can't look after him and your puking (plus) 7yo, who at that age needs physical & emotional help when so sick.

I'm sorry people are being so vile. It happens all too often on here now.

would it not be easier, to consider living together for a while?? But make it clear to your youngest it's temporary & one day (maybe give him a date, s year!? you can always change it) you will be moving out again. Explain to him that it's better right now if you live together, but that you & mummy love them both, but don't love each other like that anymore. 7 year olds understand the way mummy & daddy love each other isn't the same way you love children, parents etc)

you can't stop her seeing others or introducing them to your kids, all you can do us be there for the kids. Sorry xx

What part of him having a 14 yo son under palliative care which includes needing strict hygiene controls do you not understand?

he can't be looking after his puking 7 year old & at the same time looking after his dying 14 year old

@DadBobbie im really sorry to hear about your son. This is a parents worst nightmare, throw a divorce in there and life is about as shit as it can get so no wonder she’s acting out and not thinking rationally.

Your specific scenario aside, you can’t object to who your ex decides to see or have around your children as long as there is no neglect/abuse happening. It’s frustrating but as separated parents you don’t get a say on some things anymore.

I hope you’re both seeking counselling or using any support offered by the hospital and further professionals.

I would just try and have a calm chat with your ex when the time is right and remind her that you both want what’s best for your children and to be there for them as much as possible.

I’m sure emotions are extremely high right now so just be kind to yourself, lean on people and try to remember what’s important.

This thread is pointless. All you want is people to agree that your ex is an awful mother and needs to change her behaviour. Even if people did agree with you neither to people of MN or you can change someone else’s behaviour.

I didn't see his subsequent post before I posted. Apologies Op.

It wasent just a bit of sick his child is dying have a bit of compassion.

I wouldn't post on here your a man you will just get a kicking whatever you do ,I'm very sorry to hear about your oldest child.

I can't imagine why you called her to come back when your son puked, could you really not handle that by yourself?

Also you might benefit from anger management classes.