To feel sad about DS loss of BFF

This is quite common - in fact when I started reading I did wonder if it was my DS ex BFF Mum writing!
I think that it more unusual to have friends from Primary School.
It is very positive that he has gone on to make other friends, although I do understand that it’s sad that memories of a primary school friendship are tainted by the following behaviour.

I think this is so, so, so normal, and you’re overreacting hugely. Your son is fine, he has a great group of new friends, why are you still fixating on a friend he lost touch with two years ago? It’s SO normal from that transition from primary to high school.
My primary school best friend moved away at the end of year 5 and I remember lots of tears the last time we spent time together, then off she went, I went round to her new house for tea once a few weeks later and then after that, never saw her again. And just…moved on with other friends. Then when leaving Primary at the end of year 6, one mum had a little bbq for about 8 of us, we all cried, hugged, said how sad we were that we were going on different schools. Then after that, barely saw each other and we just cracked on and made new friends in high school. I really can’t imagine my mum having such strong feelings about it!

BF's mum tried to repair their falling out and kept asking me if we (DS, me, her and her DS) would meet up for a sit down discussion about their friendship problems. But DS didn't want to do this

That was what OP wrote

I completely agree. It never ceases to amaze me how over involved and invested some parents are on here.

My mum was friends with some of the parents of my friends but that was always seperate from my frienships. In fact I had a big falling out with a close with a school friend about 10 years ago and haven't spoken since and our parents are still close friends and go on holiday together! My mum couldn't have told you anything about what went on in my friendships and we were all the better for it!

But it was you who went scorched earth on the friendship with the parents, sounds like the mum really wanted to work things out and you flat out refused. There is no reason why you couldn't have met up with her one on one and both agreed to stay out of the boy's friendship while continuing your own.

Very normal but sometimes children can reconnect too. You never know, a couple of years down the line, DS’s BF might mature and change. One of my children lost touch with a child from primary school when they went to different secondary schools then reconnected a few years later and are very close again. I think some parents like the fantasy of best friends since childhood and it lasting forever but it’s the exception not the rule. Most people don’t remain best friends for life.

It’s been 2 years…..move on! What’s done is done.

My DS had a BF literally from birth all through primary school but it all fell apart at secondary. DS was fine, new friends, but exBF was not and had a really tough time. He was a clever boy, a bit nerdy, worked very hard and eventually became a medic. Their friendship was never going to last because they were so different, but I always felt bad that he’d had such a tough time at secondary school. We did try to talk to my son about it at the time but he wanted to have other friends.

Friendships change as you meet more people you're compatible with. I had good Friends but met my BFF at age 12, she was the ONE, so lucky to have found her.

There is still so much time for your son to find the one, or more than one.

Got to let them find their own, did your parents interfere with life's natural progression?

It does feel like a dagger to the heart at the worst of the bad times, but your DS is through that and he's telling you and you can see that he's A-OK now!

Both my older kids went through friend changes at high school age experimenting with different groups, etc, it's just the natural way.

My DS fell out with his BF just before secondary school. They’d been really close and been on family holidays with each other. Life went on.

This happened to two of my three DC. DC1 was best friends with a boy all the way through primary, then their friendship cooled from year 7 (to be fair this was because they went to different secondary schools - otherwise they might have stayed close). DC2 was more like OP's son's experience - she and her BF fell out in year 6 after years of friendship, and I found out later that the BF had been really mean to DC2. They also went to different secondary schools, but I'm pretty sure they wouldn't have kept in touch anyway as DD really disliked her by that point.

Very common.
mine went through school/sports/social occasions with the same group (8 of them) and they went to high school and some remained together, others weren’t. Always remained friendly enough but not to the same extent… 4yrs later - every one of them are hanging out together again. they all had some growing up to do and ultimately other friendships have formed for them all yet they’re all now included.

kids friendships are fickle - I learnt that a long time ago.

the fact they’re still in the same classes tells me your son knows more about the person he now is and clearly not someone he could ever now envisage being in his life and that’s absolutely fine. You’re still allowed to grieve your friendship and his for that matter but just know it wasn’t meant to be!

It is sad, but very normal.
Your DS will find his crew too as they'll be others going through the same thing.
As long as there is no bullying, let it slid.

Perfectly reasonable for you to feel sad. But unreasonable to think it matters much how you feel!

experienced similar,
you will have his friends, maybe girlfriends ? Later on, that come into his and varying degrees your lives,
but you have to accept that things move on, and that’s OK
stop ruminating on what happened and what could of been ….. move on

The girls that were my best friends in primary school were the same people that made my life absolute hell in secondary so yes, sadly I think it’s very common.

Yes it's very common, even more so with boys and Y6 to Y7 is usually when it happens.
Primary schools tend to nurture friendships, secondary kids forge their own....a phrase I've heard recently 'find their people' , not sure how positive that is but it seems to ring true.

Ahhh I actually feel your pain. I had a similar situation and it left me feeling awful, but I did work out my feelings were more about my friendships with the two mums involved, I felt let down and betrayed.

Once I’d done that I felt much better and proud of my son for showing such excellent boundaries (boundaries I’ve struggled with so kudos to him) and the ability to make new more rewarding friendships.

This friendship with the ex BF turned toxic and your DS had the good sense and good sense of self esteem to walk away from it. Not a bad thing as these exclusive BF relationships can be very claustrophobic and limiting at the best of times.

Your DS has now built a healthy network of friendships with a wide circle and is enjoying a varied social life. A much healthier situation and your DS has told you he is much happier. You should be happy too. Nothing to mourn here. Your DS sounds very mature in his outlook, his approach will serve him well in life.

I think the mother then wanted to meet up with the OP, but the OP refused to meet with her

If the OP was close friends with the mother, I would have met up with her and told her about her son's behaviour. It's odd not to if the families were so close. But since the OP refused all attempts at a dialogue at the time, it's a bit too late to be upset over it now.

Why would they want to repair a friendship with a boy who hit him and was shouting, ordering him around, setting extreme rules, name calling, mocking, put down comments, aggressive behaviour, controlling behaviour, paranoid thoughts, obsessive behaviour, threats, began telling a lot of lies, saying he wanted OP's son to die and the mum slagging him off too?

Thank goodness the friendship ended. What a bully!

This is honestly why I think (as both a teacher and a parent) that parents should have the absolute minimum necessary involvement in children’s friendships! What a lot of drama over two small children who have simply outgrown a friendship. By all means organise the odd play date etc when the children are very small but beyond that there is zero need for this much emotional investment! Your DS will have many friendships that ebb and flow throughout his life. How on earth will you cope when his teenage first love girlfriend or boyfriend breaks his heart into pieces? Much less investment from all the adults involved here is what’s needed!