To give up my bedroom for my adult children?

Loft and/or garage conversion ?

We have kallax and using them as a way to divide a room is a good idea.

And OP, you do what you need to. At some point the two youngest will move out and you can claim a room back.

I think what matters is that it feels doable for you - which it seems to.

My one concern is what your long term plan is for your eldest son. I've worked with a lot of people who are ND and often parents instincts are to keep them as close as possible for as long as possible. But then there comes a point where those parents get older and less able to provide the support they were providing and then it's a scramble to get the person set up with a new flat and manage bills and learn living skills etc and actually it would have been better to do it earlier so there was less pressure on it and parents were able to provide that support until they were up on their feet. There are tenancy support services etc available for young people who may be vulnerable living alone? Would that be something worth considering if your ds's mental health starts to improve eventually?
Would there be flats near to you?

I can only tell you what I’d do in your situation and what choices I’d make. Why isn’t it working now? Because the young adults in your house all want to do what they want unhindered…but mum has to make all the sacrifices and compromises. That wouldn’t be for me. The boys would share the big bedroom , with a partition, and they’d have to work together to cone up with a timetable/solution for gaming/music. They’d be allowed to use the partitioned off area of the living space that you’d designate office/snug during your non-working time and to an extent that they didn’t prevent people chilling out in the lounge. You could also look at reconfiguring your room/changing furniture to fit your desk into, which would give them the run of the snug during the daytime. I just wouldn’t be giving up my bedroom and bending over backwards for everyone else with them making no compromises.

I think it's a sensible plan. When I lived in a 2 bed flat with my twins, and it became apparent they couldn't share due to one boy's disabilities, they had a room each and I slept in the living room.
I would do the same in your situation as well. Out of the 3 of us, I spend the least amount of time in a bedroom, so it would make sense. I prefer being in the living room or kitchen to my bedroom.

I suspect many people are stuck in the mind frame that the parents should always have the biggest/best room.

🙄

It s nothing to do with anyone else.
Just try it and see.
Practice some lines "it works for us thanks for your input" smile and wave

It sounds sensible to me. The only other option I'd consider (if possible) is a wooden annex for the eldest as it will give him the ultimate space and may help develop an in-between stage that might lead to independence. But you're the expert of your own family of course so I wish you luck in your transition.

As for others, well it's easy to say what you'd do in any given situation... different in reality though.

Do it. But as other people have suggested and if it's feasible put s studded wall in with a door so its more private. I used to live in a small 2 bed flat with my 3 sons (at the time they were 17, 3 and 2) and I had to do this to facilitate my 2 stepsons (aged 13 and 14) moving in full time unexpectedly. We made it work xx

Of course whatever you’re happy with and works for you is the right choice. As long as you genuinely feel you’d be happy in that set up? I wouldn’t, I’d hate it. I’d insist the boys share the big room and that would be that. Then turn the downstairs room into a separate office/snug/gaming area/multi-use room so they each have the chance to get some space from one another. Even if one wanted to continue sleeping on the sofa, at least you’d all have a designated bedroom sonetimes.

It sounds like the right solution.

You are saving so much by your son living at home for uni, I would be tempted to save up for a proper stud wall if it's possible with your room design. Keeping a separate, genuinely shared space has value I think, vs one that you always have first dibs on because it's also your bedroom. Even if your children don't use it much at the moment, by having it there it is keeping the door open to you spending more time together in future. It's easier for them to join you in a communal space than "come into your bedroom".

I also do this. It's not ideal - I have a single bed behind a screen in the living room, which also houses the front door opening onto a busy road - but it's the best solution for us.

Great plan. Make it as private as possible with dividers. They are actually not too difficult to make with inexpensive curtains.
You sound like a wonderful mother.

One couldn't possibly live in less than a mansion these days...at least 12 beds, thanks. Nothing less! 🤪

Its exactly the right thing to do.
You don't need a bigger house, in 4/5 years likely to younger 2 will have grown and flown.
You fabulous pragmatic person. Ignore anyone who expresses a different view!

Sleeping downstairs has had a few unexpected benefits:

1. When I bleed through my pyjamas at that time of the month I just wander through to the kitchen to dump my soiled stuff in the machine. No stairs involved.
2. When the dog has been unsettled in the kitchen and needs out to the garden to be sick or has diarrhoea, I just wander through to the kitchen and let her out the back. No stairs involved.
3. Washing facilities. Soon getting a wet room installed downstairs along from my bedroom where I won't need to walk upstairs to the family bathroom to get a shower. Again, soon no stairs to go up and down.

@maliafawn sounds like it is the best option. The only thing is to maybe caveat to the kids that who goes where is ultimately your decision and it’s subject to change. I’m thinking of your DD - so she doesn’t assume it’s permanent. I think it could work well though.

Just a small practicality-could you cope with a smaller bed? A standard double or a 4ft?

I’m not entirely sure why some posters are finding this so hard to understand.

Someone asked why some of us were saying we wouldn’t want to live like that. I answered. The end.

Jeez.

So if OP can't move because of economics, what's the alternative?

I bet your house is full of love and it will feel really cosy and peaceful for you. You might have to set some boundaries on needing the living room back by X time in the evening so you can unwind, but I'm sure your kids should understand, seeing as it allows them to all have their own space and low living costs at the same time. :)

Not quite the same, but similar to you we have made changes to our house to accommodate the DC....we have our master bedroom downstairs ( used to be our large living room), done away with our dining room which is now the living room for everyone, DC1 has the master bedroom upstairs now, DC2 has a double bedroom, DC3 and DC4 still share a double bedroom. And fourth bedroom upstairs is used as an office (DH works from home at least once each week). Kitchen big enough to accommodate a large kitchen table for all meals for whole family.

So yes, change your house to suit your circumstances OP. Ignore others. There's nothing wrong with thinking outside the box!

As soon as I read half way through your post, my thought was that if you had a dining room then I would convert that into a fourth bedroom. A lounge diner split into two rooms is a great option. If you can afford or save up for a stud wall then that would be a great permanent solution. If not then big floor to ceiling storage units (one facing the lounge area, the other facing the bedroom area) would be an ideal room divider and give you extra storage.

As to what others think, what are their solutions? I bet they have no idea. This sounds like a very sensible and practical solution to give everyone their own space.

It sounds fine to use your 2nd reception room as a bedroom so everyone has their own room but if you’ve got the money to divide it properly with a full wall/door etc you’ll probably find it nicer