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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sister is pregnant, living with Grandparent

93 replies

Closetangel · 24/07/2025 08:24

Hi I would like some advice of how to navigate this situation.
Dsis is 29, she's 9 weeks pregnant by a man she's been seeing for 6 months, they are not in a serious relationship. She lives and cares for my 94 year old Grandmother (she's lucid, and can get around with a walker).
AIBU to think this is selfish of her ? She intentionally got pregnant because they weren't using anything protection, she wants to stay at my Grandmother's but she hasn't told her yet( I think she's reluctant to because I don't think Grandmother will be happy). What so I say that her to get her to think about what she's doing.

OP posts:
BIossomtoes · 24/07/2025 09:20

Digdongdoo · 24/07/2025 09:18

MYOB. Carers are allowed to have relationships and babies. I think you're just annoyed that you might have to help out more - but you don't. It isn't compulsory.
If (big IF) the baby does cause issues you can speak up. Until then keep your mouth shut. And realistically, she's 94, there's a decent chance she won't live long enough for it to be an issue. I hope you DSIS has a plan for if that happens.

I hope grandma leaves her the house.

Butchyrestingface · 24/07/2025 09:19

It's interesting that your username is "Closetangel", when this actually sounds more akin to the role your sister plays.

Digdongdoo · 24/07/2025 09:18

MYOB. Carers are allowed to have relationships and babies. I think you're just annoyed that you might have to help out more - but you don't. It isn't compulsory.
If (big IF) the baby does cause issues you can speak up. Until then keep your mouth shut. And realistically, she's 94, there's a decent chance she won't live long enough for it to be an issue. I hope you DSIS has a plan for if that happens.

Member984815 · 24/07/2025 09:09

Your sister is entitled to her own life whether you or her grandmother approve of it is irrelevant. You don't even know how your grandmother feels about it so you are making assumptions. She's 29 , an adult and maybe she wants to move out and improve her life , I understand its going to put extra stress on others who may have to take on more of your grandmother's care but that's life things change and you have to roll with it

Mrsttcno1 · 24/07/2025 09:05

Unless you’re offering to move in and provide full time care yourself- mind your own business.

And stop being so judgemental, she’s a grown woman who is capable of making her own decisions about a baby.

BIossomtoes · 24/07/2025 09:05

She doesn’t work?! She’s caring for a 94 year old woman with mobility issues. That’s work in my book.

Butchyrestingface · 24/07/2025 09:03

Closetangel · 24/07/2025 08:58

All the silly comments about helping out more are ridiculous. I work full time with 2 young kids, and I help out when I'm free or specifically when she's off on holidays or nights out

Great, so you quit your job, go look after granny and survive on a carer's allowance.

Your sister can have her kid, and move out if granny doesn't want her living there with an infant. Where she goes then is her concern. Maybe she can look after your kids whilst you're caring for granny if childcare isn't an option.

Nousernamesleftatall · 24/07/2025 09:02

If your grandmother isn’t happy about it your sister can always move out and she/you can organise for private carers. Having a baby is supposed to be a happy time. Your poor sister. You do know private carers get pregnant too.

romdowa · 24/07/2025 09:01

Closetangel · 24/07/2025 08:55

Oh shut up, our Mother had MS, she' was paraplegic and recently passed away. We came together to look after her , don't make comments about my family as you don't know how close we all are . I work full time and have 2 kids. She lives rent free and doesn't work, - we have told we her we will organise care to help her out but she doesn't want that. This is about my Grandmother - it's her house

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Your sister does work. She's a carer to her elderly grandmother. Do you think being a carer is a walk in the park?

MintTwirl · 24/07/2025 09:01

Was everyone actually expecting your sister to put her life on hold and potentially miss out on her chance to have children(grandma could live until 100+). For her to not have sex in her own home.

Hodgemollar · 24/07/2025 09:01

Closetangel · 24/07/2025 08:58

All the silly comments about helping out more are ridiculous. I work full time with 2 young kids, and I help out when I'm free or specifically when she's off on holidays or nights out

So it’s okay for you to have children and a life outside your grandmother but not your sister?

Doyouknowdanieltiger · 24/07/2025 09:00

She lives rent free and doesn't work

This is very cruel, she's looking after a 94 year old woman.
How about you give up your job to look after her? Oh you can't? Well be glad your sister can help then.
Are you not excited to be an aunt?

Coffeeishot · 24/07/2025 09:00

Closetangel · 24/07/2025 08:58

All the silly comments about helping out more are ridiculous. I work full time with 2 young kids, and I help out when I'm free or specifically when she's off on holidays or nights out

Oh no she might also have a child to look after that will be such a headache for you.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 24/07/2025 08:59

Do you seriously expect her to put her life on hold until your grandmother dies?
Why don’t you suggest she moves out and you move in or have your grandmother live with you?

Whether her life choices are reckless or irresponsible is irrelevant. They’re her choices to make and then deal with the consequences. You’re just pissed off the free carer might not be as available anymore.

toadinthebucket · 24/07/2025 08:59

Closetangel · 24/07/2025 08:55

Oh shut up, our Mother had MS, she' was paraplegic and recently passed away. We came together to look after her , don't make comments about my family as you don't know how close we all are . I work full time and have 2 kids. She lives rent free and doesn't work, - we have told we her we will organise care to help her out but she doesn't want that. This is about my Grandmother - it's her house

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So you have 2 kids? That makes you doubly selfish, according to your rules.
Stop trying to control your sister.

GiganticTree · 24/07/2025 08:58

I’d just let your sister paddle her own canoe tbh ..

she may get closer to the man she’s seeing as time goes on anyway !

Original poster
Closetangel · 24/07/2025 08:58

All the silly comments about helping out more are ridiculous. I work full time with 2 young kids, and I help out when I'm free or specifically when she's off on holidays or nights out

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 24/07/2025 08:58

Closetangel · 24/07/2025 08:52

She does have a chance to go out when she wants, holidays , nights out. She does the majority but when she's out my sister and I will stay overnight or during the day evening.

It is also her home she is allowed to have sex in it if she wants.

ThejoyofNC · 24/07/2025 08:57

I'm going to be honest this all sounds like you're more worried about yourself than anyone else.

Original poster
Closetangel · 24/07/2025 08:55

Starlight7080 · 24/07/2025 08:51

Well i suppose she can move out and someone else look after your grandmother.
Really if she thinks her granddaughter should put her life on hold then that is very selfish.
Its quite telling that you are not being supportive. Shows a lot about your family in general.

Oh shut up, our Mother had MS, she' was paraplegic and recently passed away. We came together to look after her , don't make comments about my family as you don't know how close we all are . I work full time and have 2 kids. She lives rent free and doesn't work, - we have told we her we will organise care to help her out but she doesn't want that. This is about my Grandmother - it's her house

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 24/07/2025 08:54

You sound put out about the inevitable change to the status quo when baby arrives. You may be asked to help out more.

Original poster
Closetangel · 24/07/2025 08:52

She does have a chance to go out when she wants, holidays , nights out. She does the majority but when she's out my sister and I will stay overnight or during the day evening.

OP posts:
Starlight7080 · 24/07/2025 08:51

Well i suppose she can move out and someone else look after your grandmother.
Really if she thinks her granddaughter should put her life on hold then that is very selfish.
Its quite telling that you are not being supportive. Shows a lot about your family in general.

InNewYorkNoShoes · 24/07/2025 08:50

BoredZelda · 24/07/2025 08:45

You can feel that all you like. What have you done to care for your grandmother?

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Yeah so you help at all or leave it to your sister and then bitch about what she does in the rest of her life?

Keroppi · 24/07/2025 08:50

Your grandma might like having a baby around, you never know!
Accidents happen and people are careless with protection and get pregnant out of a relationship all the time. They manage!
Does she not work or is she claiming CA?
Why don't you try taking a step back and being supportive and interested rather than judging her and writing her off as irresponsible - even if she did make an unwise choice, it's done now and what's next is up to her