Dads partner leaving him homeless after her death.

Tell your dad. What a nasty person your step mum is...she doesn't love your dad. If sfe did after that amount of time she put house in trust that allows him to live in it.

I highly doubt he was unaware of her plans before now. op only says step mum spoke to him a few weeks ago, not that it was for the first time ever. And more fool him if he gets to retirement age with nothing in his his without even discussing it with his partner.
Women can't win. If we don't protect our assets, we are fools. If we don't give everything to men, we are heartless.

That’s as maybe, but it’s nothing to do with OP.
She sounds like a lovely person and her DF has done the square root of sod all to maintain a relationship with either her or his own DGC.

I think.... the fact that your Dad's partner's life is hanging in the balance is making it very difficult to address this properly, but I actually think it does need addressing.

I was encouraged to see that your dad has a good relationship with her DC as this may help the situation. I think that in your shoes I would call her again and cover off the following (but obviously in your own way):

Realise it's a sensitive time but I haven't stopped worrying about my dad since you called and feel strongly that this needs further discussion.

Even taking into account what you are going through, your plan seems cold and heartless - particularly as hopefully you will be back home, and he is the one who will be there ready to care for you.

I DO appreciate that your priority financially is the future of your DC, but you have existed in a relationship that is all but marriage in name for twenty years, and my father has financially contributed to your 'life' and the 'home' for these two decades.

Dad is trying to put a brave face on it, but he is facing the possible loss of the love of his life followed by being immediately homeless - I would not wish this upon anybody and am surprised that this is your plan.

I would like to suggest that Dad is given a period of time to stay in his home in order to try and find a solution to his housing situation. Two years seems like a reasonable amount of time. What do you think?

@Barrenfieldoffucks but it does sound like he’s saved her several thousands a month of care costs in a good few number of years. That’s not exactly cocklodging . Clearly he wasn’t a high earner before that and we have no idea how much he was contributing - hardly a cocklodger. A cocklodger would have been off at first sign of caring duty’s. He’s not exactly been dad of the year to the OP, but I hardly think he is deserving of basically going to be turfed out without some kind of allowance for him to start again . I certainly would contest in this situation for a percentage - even if it was£30,000 that could make a difference to his situation .

As I've already said, no one can know for certain.
However, from the information provided, this doesn't sound like a 'cock lodger' situation. I would be absolutely encouraging any woman to throw the man out in that situation.
Here, however, the power dynamic in this relationship appears to be in her favour. She owns the house. He owns no property. She has been in control of keeping him out of her will, something which he was unaware of until a few weeks ago. She has put her house in trust in favour of her family, making him homeless on her death. She decides that they both spend lots of time with her children and grandchildren. He apparently has a good relationship with her children. The OP (his daughter) and her family are totally neglected. This could be because he is a selfish, uncaring father or it could be because the relationship is a controlling one, with her being the controller. He has quit work and cared for her full time and kept the house 'spotless'. Based on what we are told, on the balance of probability, this is the correct scenario.

If she doesnt want him to live their 20 years she could at least put a specification in the will that he can live there for 1 year. Probate will take that long anyway.

He should also look at claiming benefits, especially carers allowance www.gov.uk/carers-allowance

I feel your ather should have known this was going to happen since he paid no mortgage or for maintenance. What did he do with his money.

Maybe he should become live in carer for someone who would pay him for the privilege. It's quite lucative and accommodation is included.

I agree 💯 unfortunately, my hackles always go up with threads like these . There's an obvious bad guy/ bad guy narrative and then there's something that wildly throws the cat amongst the pigeons, so it's not clear cut at all.
I know life can be like this, but I feel like it's a scenario that may not be entirely based on fact and it's rage bait. Sorry 😐.

@NorthXNorthWest I think most people (not all) agree with her decision to leave her house to her children.

It’s this weird phone call to the OP and the fact that it sounds as if he may have to leave ASAP that seem callous.

Re. Chucking him out. It sounds as if he’s been useful to her. Yes, he’s a financial cocklodger but having a live-in carer since her health deteriorated has presumably been useful and cost-effective to her and her children. In this case, I don’t think she’s been too scared and miserable to ask him to leave!

Indeed.

He has barely earned, but equally barely had any living costs. He has barely been responsible for himself in any way!

She sounds like a complete prepping you to sweep up her rubbish that is your Dad for her kids that she's spent 20 years putting over you and your family and saying he's lucky!

Surely if he was a pain she could’ve chucked him out anytime though, it’s her house after all.

As we see on MN that is often easier than said. Lots of women know they should but amble on in misery. I am not going to judge those women but it is far from common.

Mumsnet is so predictable. This woman is now a cow and a bitch for ring-fencing her assets from the man living rent free in her home.

All the money he didn't spend on rent or mortgage over 20+ year is his and so now is part of the home that he lived rent/mortgage free in?

The OP seems to know a lot about her fathers arrangements even though he has kept her at arms length for 20+ years

@Rallentanda Surely if he was a pain she could’ve chucked him out anytime though, it’s her house after all.

@Octoberfest I agree that if my partner cared for me when I was wheelchair bound, I’d feel obliged to make some provision for him-although I’d also want my children to eventually get my house. I’d ensure that they couldn’t chuck him out immediately, to give him time to find somewhere else to live.

Again, if he was crap and not caring for her properly, she could just chuck him out and get carers in.

Tell your dad to contact Anchor Housing OP. It's a nationwide charity that provides homes for older people - usually retirement flats and bungalows. He could get himself on the waiting list for a property, which seem to come up quite frequently, for obvious reasons. He would probably get priority if he is likely to be made homeless very soon after his partner's death. The rents are generally around £600.00 - £800.00 per month and include a service charge that covers maintenance and upkeep of the communal spaces. If he can't afford that amount, he would probably be able to claim housing benefit. You could look them up online and find out where the homes are in your Dad's area so he could investigate them regardless of whether next week's op is successful or otherwise, so that if and when the worst does happen, he already has a plan in place.

I do think his partner sounds a really cold fish and is displaying an astonishing lack of feeling for a man who has loved her for 26-years and looked after her since her health started failing. I know quite a few couples who are on their second marriages/relationships and who are living in the former marital home of one partner, but in every case, the surviving partner will be able to continue living in the property until they die or need to move into residential care.

I do wish you - and him - the best of luck with whatever happens next.

He would have had those costs somewhere else.

She sounds like a cow.
she can’t possibly love him.

I am categorically not saying 'there will be drama', it's a hypothetical. As is this whole thread!
It's equally possible that he's shambled along in her house and caused her no end of grief. WE CAN'T KNOW.

As other pp have said, it is awful that the woman in the situation gets the grief. It could just as well be him who deserves it, as we see all the time on threads where the OP has a man who's moved in and is on the take. There's one right now where he's basically moved in by stealth and the poster is just realising what it means for her.

But we can't know. I am just loath to see a woman slagged off and called evil, a witch, a user, when there is so little to go on.

It sounds like the OP's dad had decades to come up with his own financial plan but didn't. Even so, I find it hard to imagine that, if I was in the step-mother's situation, I wouldn't leave some provision in my will for my devoted partner of decades. And I would also have wanted to come up with a plan, well in advance, whereby my partner wasn't homeless in the event of my death.

Still, from my experience on Mumsnet, it makes a change to see a woman (the step mum) who's so financially brutal/astute.

Neither does it mean it hasn't and I believe it would be worth checking.

These sound like good reasons to me 🤷‍♀️

That's unfair. You might have been suspicious but many people are naturally trusting. It doesn't make them blind or stupid. They give their love freely and naively expect others to do the same.

Surely anyone would 'react badly' if they were told that their partner of decades, whom they love dearly, was likely to die v soon. To make matters worse, she then told him (after 25 years together without mentioning it) that she would be homeless when this happened, despite all the care and attention he has been giving to her.
It's pretty callous to say there will be 'drama' when she dies. A more accurate way to put it would be that she was causing her partner to become homeless in his old age and wanted his daughter to take all the responsibility for this, with none taken by her or her children, who she is much closer too.

Of course, no one can be 100% sure but they have both neglected the OP, who sounds lovely and caring, and her children for decades, that much is clear.