Dads partner leaving him homeless after her death.

Not RTFT apologies. Whilst I don’t think she sounds like a caring person at all, I do see this from the other side.

When my dad dies, I will be selling his house straight away and using that to pay off my own mortgage if I still have one. I have no other reason to keep a property I don’t want, it was not my family home and it’s not somewhere I’d ever live. Why should I protect his girlfriend, who has had ample time to save her own money? We get on fine, she’s nice enough, but it’s not up to me to look after a grown woman who has been working her whole life (and has also owned property in the past and sold a place to move in with my dad). Where was your dad living before? What has he done with his money?

I’m not heartless and would allow her time to find a new place and not just turf her out, but I also wouldn’t be waiting 20 years for my inheritance either. My dad is my only parent so if I am to get any inheritance, it’s from him and his girlfriend has two children. He is already giving her a third of one property he owns abroad - which my I will also be selling. When I’ve spoken to him about how he makes sure his girlfriend is taken care of, it’s of this third from the abroad property so thankfully there is also something, but he was surprised when I said that I’d sell this property as his girlfriend sees it as their home. I’d rather he just left them to me and then in his will expressed that she should get some £££ as I feel like selling this property is going to be complicated and stressful.

I do feel for you, OP, and it’s great that you care so deeply but remember it’s on your dad to also sort himself out.

Frankly, she's a cast iron bitch, and has used him royally - all she needs to do is give him a life interest in the house, and it will still pass to her dependents.

But instead of doing that very simple thing she is prepared to see the man who has adored her, and cared for her homeless.

Lovely woman!

Its hard to know with a partial picture:

Was he paying towards the mortgage? If so he has a claim on the equity.

If not does he have a nest egg? Any assets of his own?

Has she put any provision for him at all if house is for her children? I.e. life insurance? A pension? A provision he can live in it til he "quickly follows her"?

Did he know this for the last 26 years or last few weeks?

I can understand if its hers solely, her wanting it in trust so if she does it goes to her children not your dad then you.

Id be talking to him, because you might need to go to council with him about his pending circumstances to be on a housing list or looking for properties he could rent alone.

Tbh if this was always the plan I dont think shes been awful, but i do think your dad needs help to plan for a potential future alone

What are you hoping for? That is man who has lived rent free, after abandoning his own children will be able to deprives another woman's children of their mother assets? His partner is looking out for her children. Your fathers decision to not do that for himself or his children is not her fault.

Rent free for 20+ years is more than enough time for him to have made provision for his latter years either by investing in his pension or an another property that he could move into/ sell on retirement or her death.

That's a fact not a mean spirited dig.

Put yourself in her shoes. Would you deprive your children of your assets if you were in her situation or tie them up for 20-30 years? Nobody knows how much longer your father will live.

I think you are being a really big person OP, to bother to care this much about a man who abandoned you. I personally wouldn't let him live with me. But I have a feeling that you will. I hope he doesn't cause too much bother for you after he gave such little care for you and your children

🙁 When did it become the norm that children are relying on expecting an inheritance. Seems to be all anyone talks about these days. Expecting ‘their’ inheritance. Very distasteful. At my fil’s funeral the funeral director said many people don’t have formal funerals anymore, for their dead relatives. They simply turn up for the death certificate so they can start the claim to get their grubby mitts on some cash/ property. 👀🤢🥺😡

It wouldnt make any difference if she left the house to her kids in her will.

My brother in a similar situation. He was controlled and manipulated to give up everything to his partner. He also consented because he is weak.

Could your father apply for social housing? I understand the house is her familys but she could let him stay until he dies. He is old now. What a cold and uncaring woman.

OP you are such a decent person.

In the short term I think the only thing you can do is appeal to your dad‘s partner’s better nature and ask her to put something in her will saying that your dad would have six months to a year to find new accommodation if she dies.

I would probably start doing some research to find out what your dad‘s options are because clearly he is not doing these things himself. You don’t want to find yourself in a horrible situation where your dad rocks up at your house with a suitcase.

If your dad’s partner gets through this operation, okay then I think you should sit down with them both and highlight the vulnerability of your Dad situation as well as the efforts he has made to look after his partner. If he clearly sees that he will have no security then he’ll have to make a decision whether to stay with her. The potential to withdrawal of his practical assistance and care could make her see things in a different light.

I also think you need to be a bit selfish here. Actually not selfish, protective of self. You seem so lovely that you could agree to taking your dad in at the expense of your own happiness and that of your family. That’s why I think finding out alternative housing arrangements for him would at least help you to direct him to other options if they are needed.

Good luck. My dad has really withdrawn from the wider family in the time that he has been with his new partner. It’s very hurtful I know.

Why, he loves her. He just has to accept it is her house, for whatever reason he hasn't protected himself legally. Of course she'll leave her assets to her dc.
He can rent when she's gone?

Op your kinder than I would probably be in the situation to a dad who has shown he doesnt care much for you

I can see both sides tbh. You dad should have made preparations for this happening the same as any unmarried women. The fact he cashed pension in is insane.

I think you just need to take this as it comes. At least you know the situation. Prepare, make some enquires with social housing etc. Perhaps talk to your dad about the assets he does have.

It's all explained in the original post.Op doesn't have much of a relationship with her father.

Her needs to stop lifting a finger for her.

I would say if she pulls through, your dad needs to think seriously about whether he wants to continue caring for someone who doesn’t care about what happens to him after she’s gone. Morally I think she needs to leave something in the will to acknowledge what he’s given up to help her, and time to find somewhere else to live rather than being turfed out while grieving.

Op what a horrible situation for you. You've been sidelined for years and probably now expected to pickup the pieces.

Your dad has left himself so vulnerable. The fact your step mum has rung you makes me think that they expect you to have him stay with you. Whether you can or will is only a question you can answer.

What happens though, you suddenly play happy families and your dad never sees the step children (which he prioritised over you for years)?

Personally I would tell them straight. Tell your step mum your not keeping the phone call secret, tell them both they need to make a plan for your dad's living are arrangements if/when she passes and perhaps suggest that he says with the step kids especially as he's so close to their children.

They've had the best years of him and you'll be stuck caring for an ageing old man.

I have also asked upthread but still curious, would the OP’s dad really be considered as financially dependent on his on his partner, after 20 years of working but also not paying mortgage or rent?

The truth is you don't really know the dynamics of their relationship and what goes on behind closed doors. They've never married which maybe she holds resentment about or maybe he is really really bad with money and she is rightfully trying to protect her own house for her own kids. Maybe he gambles or buys stupid stuff which is why she doesn't trust him.

However this doesn't mean you have to step up. You should be asking him what he plans to do if this happens and make it clear to both of them that he cannot expect support from you given that he has been largely absent. What preparations has he made for his future (and your inheritance) from the money he has saved by not paying a mortgage? Reading between the lines nothing, and the partner sounds a bit pissed about this. Yes he has done work and paid bills but he should still have more saved.

If she has been taking everything off him then he can see a solicitor now and seek to have a charge placed on the deeds while he contests the will. He has an implied interest in the house.

A will to the first line blood relatives won’t be overturned to a person unmarried, no right to the property, who claims to have been a partner to the deceased. She left it to her first line blood relatives and it’s the law even if there’s no will.

NRTFT as very long so apologies if I’m repeating what others have said.
In your DF shoes I would find it difficult to love the woman who has decided I’m good enough for diy and caring duties but don’t deserve any home security.
I would be looking for over 55’s accommodation or something and move out asap. Let her kids care for her if she survives the operation.

You only have her word that he knows. I would 100% talk to him about it.
I agree with other posters, if she DID tell him, it’s going to be bloody awkward between them now surely?
But you really don’t owe him much either, the minimal effort he’s put in over the years, I’d be giving the same back whether she’s alive or not.

It doesn’t indicate controlling behaviour by her necessarily…

been there

my mum died aged 60. After 40 years of marriage. Dad was with his new partner 8 weeks after her funeral. Within 4 years of meeting her he’d pretty much dispensed with us his kids and our families. Would frequently cut one of us or another off for stupid reasons ( usually because we objected to how he spoke to us, or calling him out for forgetting a grandchild’s birthday etc)

frankly it wasn’t a surprise, he’d not been happy in the marriage and told me at a young age, he only stayed because he didn’t want to be on his own! He, like many men, did that stupid thing of “ prioritising love”…stuff like “ I put her first “. Didn’t understand that love is like a balloon, it’ll expand to deal with more people , as we all know when we have kids.

he was self centred, lacked empathy, was emotionally immature and simply couldn’t be bothered to put himself out to maintain relationships with his family, when he could be wallowing in the affection and attention of his new devoted partner.

they had 25 years of happy times though before he died. Fair enough.

they never married, though he wanted to, she wanted to be financially independent. They both had houses. He left his house in trust to her. And she got a proportion of his estate . She never lived there full time, so is now sitting on a house she rarely uses and is empty most of the year whilst my eldest sibling, as co trustee, is expcted to run around and look after it, and her when she decides to visit. He can’t say stuff that, because he’s trying to protect his and our interests in property. He is so pissed with my dad

but neither were controlling, just self centred and self absorbed

Please tell your dad about the conversation.

If she had told him why ask for secrecy?

regardless surely if you are as concerned as you say then talking to your dad now means you’ve made a plan and he isn’t left having to approach you to plan should this woman die and he be left homeless. Get it all out in the open so you can all be clear on;

• what she said
• how much he knows
• what his plans were if he knows
• his finances
• if he doesn’t know what plans can you make
• if he has no finances again what plans can you make
• what happens if she lives eg planning for his future stability so he isn’t in this position again

Dont trust a woman who has sworn you to secrecy re the future of your own father?

I hope you are ok as this is an awful situation to be in but don’t be duped by a woman who no doubt has told her children and said to them/her side “I’ve told his daughter so everyone knows”

Air it and get planning, as whether she lives or dies your dad will benefit from the frank conversation.

OP, I think your father would have a claim under a law called the Inheritance ( Provision for family and dependants) Act 1975. Essentially, this would allow your father to make a claim against the estate. I'd suggest that you get in touch with a solicitor to discuss - I've been out of practice for over a decade but when I was practising in this area we'd have taken a case like this with no problem. It's up to you whether you get preliminary advice now or wait, but it may be helpful to understand the options. If he doesn't want to take legal action I'd suggest that that's his choice but relieves you of responsibility as there would be something he could do.