Dads partner leaving him homeless after her death.

This, all the 'poor man, you must intercede' comments are ridiculous.
An abandoning, feckless waste of space, he's been a sperm donor, not a dad/gf to op and family, yet she's now meant to be his rescuer?

People can't really win. They are defending a man on this thread and getting told it is mumsnet double standards. If we were all saying "tough luck, it's her house. Out he goes!" they'd be told this was mumsnet double standards and if it was a woman people would be sympathetic. How can people win?

What an absolute heartless cow, I am so sorry for you and your dad.

You have no idea if it was sneaky or not. Let's be honest your father knows the woman and loves her. I doubt after two decades together he hasn't got a measure of her. Also, he has known the whole time he isn't on the deeds of the house. He's not paid rent. If he hasn't prepared for his future that's on him.
Also, don't feel you owe your father anything. If you don't want to house him, you don't have to. He's a grown man who got himself into this mess! I would be more sympathetic but from your posts he doesn't sound a great father or grandfather. Remember that should the time when he lands on your door!

He’s helped to maintain the house, and the fact that he cared for her is a very big issue. I don’t like how he has treated his own children , but the partner is very cold and hard and need to be told that she does have an obligation to to him, now that she’s sucked him dry!

What a horrible, mercenary , calculating woman! Has your Dad never thought of what would happen to him if she died? She’s had years of care from him, she let him maintain her house. I wonder what would have happened if he had needed care from her! Talk about using him! As he gets on with her children, is it worth talking to them about your fears for your Dad?

I do wonder if the Stepmum posted whether there would be this much vitriol because in all honesty he could be somewhat of a cocklodger!
The OP is unsure as to his financial position and what he has and hasn’t paid for but there is a sense that it has always been her house, he has worked low paid jobs and gave up work fairly young and cashed in a pension and has paid very little towards the house and the bills.

The only thing he has done is step up with caring but even then that might be bexause he knows his easy life will come to an end if she goes.

So I ask this - if it were your Mums partner would you want them to have a claim
on what could be your childhood home and potentially your fathers money as well?

and why is his relationship with his daughter HER responsibility

You're giving too much thought to a man who wasn't a good father to you and is too irresponsible to organize his own life. Not your circus, not your monkeys.

If he's turfed out, it's his problem. He really has made his bed.

This phone call has already taken place.

This purpose of the call that the OP received was to explain the ground rules and to make it clear that the OP's dad would have to leave the home after his partner died.

She said she wanted to lay down the ground rules of how things would play out for my dad if she was to pass away during her surgery next week. It was explained that as the house was legally hers, as it was in her name, she would be leaving it in trust to her 2 children and grandkids, meaning that if she was to pass away, then my dad would be homeless.

She mentioned she didn't trust him to take care of the house after his fall.

Has your Dad made a will?

I would be asking her why she thought she should speak to you about it seeing that he's spent all your adult life supporting her and her children having made no effort for you? After all, they seem to be his family and not you. He's looked after her much better than you so they should have the decency to not treat him like a stranger. The stranger for them is you. It was ok for her and her house to be cared for and looked after by your father but had never phoned you to see how her carer's DD was. They had decided that you were not part of their life even during important celebrations but you are remembered when ..oops, somebody will need to look after him.

Also that you will be telling your father and if she survives the operation he will know he will be looking after a woman who will chuck him out. Normally I believe people should prioritise their children with inheritance but this is different.

Between us it seems that if it comes to that you will do your best to look after your father but I would get this out of your system.

Is she under the impression that you're going to instantly move him to your place if she dies?

I would clarify that that would not be happening. You aren't close and you don't have the room.

Let her mull that over about what kind of person she is to put the man she's lived with for decades out on the street.

She sounds awful. I had an auntie who had lived with her dude for years and she set it up that he would be able to live in her home until he died. That's the least your dad's partner could do.

I dont think she should be allowed to control the narrative and dictate to you that you're not to speak to your father about this. That's manipulative. And very detrimental to his plans in the future.

This all needs to be brought to the surface and openly discussed for his sake. I'm not sure why she's controlling that?

Should he apply for social housing? What finances does he currently have? Etc etc. It can't be brushed under the carpet. All needs to be brought to light.

It seems as though he has been dominated up until now and us voiceless.

I think you may need to call her again and tell her that although you respect her wishes, that you will ultimately need to discuss this with your father asap. This will obviously have to be the case as you will be saddled with him should she die. Looks like she is on the way out...so this will be sooner rather than later.

Again...she has no right to dictate that you can't discuss your father's future with him now.

Yes, @Carzycat.

The OP hasn’t mentioned this, but I wonder whether his partner is planning to leave him some cash?

@SinisterBumFacedCat is right that he’s likely saving her/her children a fortune in caring costs given that she’s been in ill health for some time. You’d hope they’d be grateful and at least give him time to find a new home.

Also, it sounds like all she values in life is money and property. Not companionship and care that he has foolishly invested in her.

Caring costs he is saving her at least £1k a month minimum (approximately cost of 2 15 minute visits a day). That doesn’t account for the other 23.5 hours he is with her. I don’t know how much of her care is hands on or considerable. Is he lifting her? Caring on its own is physically and emotionally exhausting, not to mention financially demanding. Carers are often left with PTSD and loose on average 6 years life expectancy. I’d bet her children who stand to inherit are doing fuck all, so he is saving THEM a huge financial and physical/emotional toll also. I feel sorry for him.

What are her kids like? I know it my partner's dad died and his house was left to us/sil we would just sit on it until his step mum died too. Not charge rent or anything, just leave her to cover bills/maintenance.

She may think they will sell straight away but they might just leave it to him until his time comes.

I agree with this.
She sounds like an awful, manipulative woman who does not appear to care for your father at all. How horrid to ignore you and your children for 20+ years and then suddenly contact you to try to pass the buck by dropping this bombshell when she thinks she may die. She appears to have only just told her partner the situation now, so he has had no chance to make provision for himself.
To make no provision at all for your partner of 20 years who has given up work to care for you is really cold. I wonder if your father has been in a controlling relationship. He has been a fool to have made no effort at all with his own daughter and grandchildren but perhaps there are other factors, as above.

I would try to have a conversation with your father to find out his feelings even if you are not close. It would be tempting to contact his partner or her children and tell them that this is their responsibility to arrange and/or encourage your father to contact a lawyer. I really feel for you @Tray80 when you and your family have not experienced any positives from the relationship with your father and his partner is now trying to dumb all the negatives on you.

I don't understand the accusations that she's a terrible person.

She might well be, there's just not enough information!

But the dad could be - and there is a bit more information here! - absolutely feckless. He left his kids and didn't bother too much with his grandchildren. He doesn't seem to have planned for his future. Yes he gave up his job to take care of his partner, but was that a unilateral decision or a joint one, and how did it come about?

My point is that if she came on MN and said 'AIBU to leave my house to my children and turf my partner out?' and then said he'd not paid a penny towards it then we'd all be on her side!

OPs father has had no issues putting the effort into the relationship with his partner, just his daughter and grandchildren. He doesn’t deserve anything from the OP. This isn’t about you so stop making it that way.

Where does it get you in life? Not treated like a doormat, ignored for years and then used when it suits.

I'm sorry to say that if I'd had someone living rent free with me for 26 years I'd be looking after my children and not the partner. He's had 26 years to save up for something like this and has not spent 5 minutes thinking about his own future. Love has nothing to do with it.
You either get married or make sure you are covered for eventualities like this.
I will always love my child more than a man.
Why doesn't he have any savings? To be honest nobody would be living rent free in my house to begin with. I'd insist they had their own place.
For me, I would not be giving up my job to become a SAHM unless I was married and had equal rights to the home.

Rightly the law should be, he hasn't contributed to the property financial at all, he saved himself a fortune in free housing. Why should he be entitled to it.
It is her family home to leave to her children.

Objection!
Insulting to witches 🙂

What a monster of a woman.
She could have made a clause that enabled him to stay until he passed away. The silly bugger has spent his life prioritising her and her family.
As sad as it is, he's made his bed and if leave him to lie in it. You don't owe him the privilege of looking after him or letting him move in with you.
At most I would help him complete a housing application and advise him to move out ASAP whether she lives or dies.

Firstly - what a complete and utter witch that she is. She’s well aware the position this would leave your Dad in.

Unfortunately the law is very on her side on this - but equally a surviving partner can potentially make a claim against the estate under the Inheritance (Provision for Family and Dependents) Act 1975, particularly if they were financially dependent on the deceased or cohabited for at least two years - he would meet the latter criteria here

She also could have made a provision in her will that he can live there until his death - but clearly she isn’t interested in doing this. Regardless of what the outcome is of the operation - I would urge your dad to start looking at a plan of where he will go. Hopefully he has savings.

I feel so sorry for your Dad though.