Dads partner leaving him homeless after her death.

Where do you get the impression that she has been clear about the parameters from the start from?
@Tray80 has stated that she only just told her father the fact that he would be turfed out of his home when she died. She also deliberately called the OP when he was asleep and even asked her not to tell her father about the consultation. How exactly is that being honest, clear and upfront? The woman sounds like as if she has a heart of stone and is only motivated by £££. This is a man who cared for her day and night since she became ill, keeping the house 'spotless'.

He's going through a lot too - and if she dies next week, even more so - could he come and stay with you short term perhaps?

And why do you think op should house him?

I’m struggling to see what the dying woman is doing wrong here.

The OP’s Dad and his GF aren’t committed in any of the major traditional senses; they didn’t legally wed, or form a civil partnership, they didn’t purchase a home together, they didn’t share finances in any way, the SM doesn’t even know what savings the OP’s Dad has or doesn’t have and they haven’t provided for each other in their wills.

Whilst yes, there was obviously care and possibly love, between the two of them, he’s essentially been her rent-free lodger for the last two decades, chipping in with the bills and a bit of housework and DIY, but not contributing (financially or otherwise) to any major changes/improvements to her house.

It seems that the set up was very cut & dried to both of them and as such, the OP’s dad has been an utter fool to not save up what he would have been spending on a rent/mortgage for just this situation.

It seems like the SM was mortgage free from a relatively young age, which makes me wonder if she’s a widow and maybe the mortgage was paid off with life insurance. If that’s the case, then I’m damn sure her late spouse would want his kids to inherit the house and not the live-in bf.

I think MN is very clear on people getting themselves into dependent positions on a “partner” who shares neither the deeds of their home, nor their finances. The dependent person is always strongly encouraged to work, build up savings and a pension etc in case of separation or death.

The key thing here is that the OP has had zero input into the impending homelessness of her father, it’s not like he contributed time or money to her upbringing which left him penniless, he just chose to spend his income on other things instead of saving, when his outgoings were much lower than the average person, due to not having to pay for housing.

It’s a sad situation, but one that’s likely to become more common as the percentage of home-owning women increases and the desire for independence and providing for one’s children outstrips the desire to leave any hard-earned wealth to a man who hasn’t contributed to it.

I wonder a bit if the wife might be not quite in her right mind. OP said it’s unusual for her have contact with the woman so she is behaving out of character. She’s been very unwell, facing surgery that she may not survive, it’s at least possible she’s on some strong medication and probably not thinking too straight. It may well be correct that the kids get everything, but possibly she has made some provision or clause within that.

His partner could leave him some money from the sale to help him buy himself a sheltered flat perhaps.

Well what else could he do? He could hardly leave as he doesn’t have much money and he would lose access to his lifestyle sustained by her

they both made choices - she seems to have been very clear as to the parameters from the start and he accepted them. It was to me a transactional contract where both got consideration, both got something in exchange. Neither was conned or forced into it it is just ending far sooner than he expected

Yes, op has made it clear that they have separate finances, she hasn't maintained him at all. He's paid his own share of the bills.

Yes. This is what those in my family in second marriages have set up. When one dies the other gets to stay in the house for the rest of their lives, then it goes to whoever it was actually left to in the will.

Looks like a father in name only. Please don’t be guilt tripped into taking him in,

She wasn't providing for him though. Ops made it clear that they have separate finances, so the claim would fail on that criteria.

But would you expect him to help to maintain it and care for you if you were ill. If no why would he be in your home at all?

You say your father is aware of the terms of her will so could you talk to him and say she has phoned you? Her children may not be in a rush to sell the house when they inherit, particularly if they have a good relationship with him. You could find out from your dad what his financial position is, although he may not feel like discussing the future. You could, gently, point out that he needs to make some plans - even if his partner survives she may need to sell her home to pay for care in the future if he isn't able to provide it.

They may have taken good care of each other and her children, but this addition makes them both sound rotten. I mean, he knows her children better than he knows his own daughter? What sort of a relationship did you and your dad have?

Furthermore, if he was not allowed to spend a penny on the house, where are his savings? Did he not have any plans for the future in case the worst should happen?

Finally, his accommodations are not your responsibility. You can take him in if that is what you want to do, but not to your own detriment or at the expense of your partner or children. He has refused to plan for his own future and that's on him.

He's made some contributions. We don't really have any of idea the size of them.

What feckless man gives up work to care for his partner? A shockingly high number of men leave their wives and partners if they become ill or disabled. Not spend their days looking after them and keeping the house spotless. She sounds like an utter bitch. I bet people wouldn’t have sympathy if it was a disabled man whose partner had given up work to care for him and he wanted to chuck her out with nothing after he died so that his adult kids could get their hands on the money.

Yeah that's what people do for their partners. Also most responsible adults think about their future and make preparations for it. He didn't. Shame.

Not just about financial contributions- he’s cared for her and maintained the house, so he has made huge contributions.

I wouldn’t be on her side! He’s given years of his life to caring for her and maintaining the house. He’s even cashed in his pension early for her benefit. It’s bad how he’s treated his own flesh and blood , hard to forgive, but the partner is a cold, heartless monster and she is being merciless to him after taking the best years of his life!

The only thing I know is that OP has no obligation to her father at all. I find it strange that her stepmother called her, giving the impression what happens to her father is OPs responsibility.

I didn't read it as her expecting OP to take him in. More her warning OP that her dad will expect it.

I don’t think it is double standards in that it is a simple transaction - he paid nothing towards the house and she paid for everything (presumably to make sure he did have no rights) a situation he was aware of.

if a woman found herself in the above I would caution her to be careful because she could find herself without a house and to prepare for her future

You cannot compare second relationships with no dependents to one with children they are very different things.

I would also advise making sure any assets in a relationship where children exist are kept quite separate like she has done

If I was ever to spilt from my husband and moved someone else into my home I would do exactly as the OPs 'stepmother' did. She's protecting her assets for her children and I cannot see why anybody else wouldn't. I wouldn't allow my new partner to contribute financially to the house either. Of course it's different if you remarry; but then in that situation I wouldn't remarry, because I would want anything I had left to go to my children!

What amazes me is that his partner seems to expect YOU to do something for him, despite knowing what sort of a Dad he’s been!

He’s cared for her and maintained her house, I.e., done quite a lot for her in return for being housed all these years, but he’s done bugger all for you. Why does she think that you’ll help out now? Presumably because you’re a nice person and she knows that you will. She’s so manipulative . 😡

However, nobody who loves someone makes them homeless, that's just the way it is.

I wonder how much provision the OPs father made for homing his own biological children?

Also think its telling that the DSM 'has no idea' if he has savings - sounds like a cocklodger who got a good run out of it IMHO.

He will be fine - he will get an over 55s flat off the council. Maybe DSM and her DCs are concerned he doesnt have the funds to upkeep maintenance or even pay utilities on what might be a family sized home. Why does one man need this space for 20 odd years - if I was one of your DSB/Ss - I would want him to move on with his life and let me have access to the asset/cash my DM had built and protected for me, my siblings and her DGC.

But one assumes it was a transactional contract - he got to live there all expenses paid and in return he did DIY

they both knew what the score was. The only issue is cancer being the absolute bitch it is is taking her earlier than they both anticipated.

I get the impression she has been clear from the get go about the financial side and he hasn’t put any money in at all

he is no different really from a lodger - although actually they would have paid some money