Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU at how we were treated by my GD’s nursery?

58 replies

suzyq54 · 23/07/2025 21:22

I have known my best friend over 20 years. We meet up regularly for meals and know each other’s families. When my granddaughter was due to start nursery, we decided to send her to my friend’s nursery as she worked there and we knew she would watch out for my GD. Fast forward 18 months.
My GD is now 3 1/2. She came home one day about three months ago and said that a boy in nursery who we know is a year older had stuck his tongue in her mouth. She said no members of staff were around as they were all in the kitchen! I always thought a member of staff were always ‘on the floor’.
My daughter rang the nursery and spoke to my friend and told her what had happened and she requested that my friend speak to the boy’s parents to find out where he got the idea from and to tell them what had happened, my friend said we didn’t need to do this as it was just kids playing around and she knew the family and they were ‘lovely’. My daughter still wanted them to speak to the boys parents but was told that social services would have to be involved if they did this. Again my daughter asked that they be told so they said they would. It was to safe guard their little boy too in case he’d got the idea from someone else.
The next day she was told that the parents said they did not know why their son did what he did and that it wouldn’t happen again. No mention of social services!
From that day forward my family was ignored by the nursery staff including my friend. She cut me off immediately with no word and ignored my poor daughter and son in law when they dropped off or picked up my GD.
Two weeks ago they said they had to charge her £25 for being 25 minutes late( she had rang and told them why she was late and apologised) she asked for a copy of the contract she signed at the start stating late fees. The next day they said it didn’t matter as it was the end of term and they only asked for the late fee as someone on the nursery committee was visiting that day when she was late.
Also my GD is leaving to go to another nursery next September (arranged months ago to be at her brother’s school) my son in law asked could my GD graduate at the end of term too with her friends who were leaving to go to big school but they said no she couldn’t. She had to stand there while all her friends went up on the stage to say what they wanted to be when they grew up and had photos taken. She was very sad. She asked why she couldn’t go up on stage too and was told she was just a baby! She is actually a very articulate little girl not babyish at all.
Then today, the last day, my friend hugged all the other mum’s and again totally ignored my poor daughter.
Our family is so upset by this.
Were we wrong to want safe guarding for our grand daughter? Is this how all nurseries react?
We feel so sad and let down by how we were treated.
Were the nursery right to say it was nothing, just kids playing?

OP posts:
HairHeyHelp · 23/07/2025 21:36

Why are you so involved with your grandchild's nursery?

SusiQ18472638 · 23/07/2025 21:36

Hankunamatata · 23/07/2025 21:29

Yea other parents should have been spoken to about their child actions

No your dgd couldn't take part in graduation as she wasnt the nursey class graduating to school.
£1 per minute late fee is standard

This

Londonrach1 · 23/07/2025 21:33

Late fee is standard, graduation is only for children who going to school and strange you think a 3 year old can go who is not going to school. Re the other child the parents should be informed.

GoldMerchant · 23/07/2025 21:32

Kids do weird stuff. I agree they shouldn't just assume "nice families" have no abuse and they should inform the other parents that it happened, but if this was a one off, it's probably not a big concern. It's more odd there were no staff in her sight when she needed to find someone. I'm also surprised they reported the conversation with the other family to your DD.

Your DD has to pay late fees if she's late. Your GD couldn't graduate because she's not leaving to go to school - she's just leaving the nursery. That event wasn't about her or your DD.

You sound a bit like you expected special treatment and are annoyed that you were treated like everyone else.

Soontobe60 · 23/07/2025 21:31

A parent is well within their rights to discuss incidents with nursery staff; what they don’t have the right to do is to demand what happens next!
Oh, and nursery ‘graduations’ are pretty grim!

Hankunamatata · 23/07/2025 21:29

Yea other parents should have been spoken to about their child actions

No your dgd couldn't take part in graduation as she wasnt the nursey class graduating to school.
£1 per minute late fee is standard

BallerinaRadio · 23/07/2025 21:28

There's a lot of nursery bashing on here lately, is this the current trend?

FionnulaTheCooler · 23/07/2025 21:27

The other parents should definitely have been spoken to about the incident, they were palming you off with threats of social services involvement in the hope you'd shut up and go away. I agree with the nursery about the graduation though, it sounds like it was something they wanted to make special for the big boys and girls moving up to school, even if they could have explained that more tactfully.