AIBU at how we were treated by my GD’s nursery?

You can report safeguarding issues yourself to the local authority - you don't need to go through the nursery.

The friend has long dropped the OP.

She was still late to pick her up at the time your grand daughter finishes

The child is now leaving. Just don’t recommend the nursery to anyone an I would quietly drop your friend

The kid is leaving the nursery now so I think you'll just have to forget it.
It's a shame the way your friend treated you though.

The thing about the child and the tongue, nothing relating to the case would be passed on to you. It's confidential between the child involved and their parents and the social. So of course they can't tell you if SS were involved.

But I don't think it's fair for a child to be part of graduation to big school when they still haven't finished nursery yet. The child would be confused and think they were going to school when they're not.

Yabu

As you say, no one was there when it happened so all of this is reliant upon a three year old relaying it to their parents.

It was fine to raise it with the nursery. Unless your friend was the manager, she wasn’t the right person to have gone to. The nursery should have logged it and said they’d look into it but that would have been all the outcome received. Young children do have a tenancy to do things and a one off like that wouldn’t raise concerns with most people.

Graduation is for children going to school, not leaving.

Regardless of the nursery’s opening hours, everyone expects a fine if late no matter whether calling ahead or not.

Don’t mix friendships with business in future. Your friend is probably mortified that she’s been so embarrassed by your family.

Tbh I was really thinking this as well. You even mention “we decided to send her to my friend’s nursery”. Your intentions are clearly positive but I think for your own sanity you should try to be a bit less invested in your GD’s nursery life, presumably her parents are well equipped at organising and monitoring all this themselves? I do think the tongue thing is annoying and I wouldn’t be happy about it if it were my daughter, but do you think the parents (and you) are now on guard and maybe misinterpreting everything for ill treatment? Because the fine and the graduation thing are pretty normal, they have to stick to the same parameters for everyone

You're very good at ignoring what everyone has said about the next steps regarding that child being nothing to do with your daughter, and how ridiculous the rest of your complaints are.

The parents should have been spoken to about the tongue incident.

Late fees are standard and your daughter was late, her session was over and it would have had an impact on staff ratios.

Graduation is for children going to school, as you GD is going to another nursery and not school she wasn't due to graduate in this cohort and shouldn't have been involved in the ceremony.

Sounds like it's for the best to part ways with the nursery but I don't see that they've don't anything wrong.

Your daughter rightfully spoke to the nursery and they should have dealt with it behind the scenes and they obviously can't give her step by step updates as to what happened. She reported it and now it's upto them to deal with it, she's no longer involved.

The graduation thing is ridiculous, it's for the children graduating up to big school not for children leaving the nursery.

Late fees are fair even if it was lunchtime, it still messes people around.

It is not up to your daughter to make requests about how the nursery should handle situations with other parents. The nursery might or might not have done the right thing straight away, but it is irrelevant. It’s not your dds place to tell the nursery what to do and she does not have the right to be told what the outcome of the situation was.

Your GD wasn’t leaving to go to school so isn’t ‘graduating’ pre school. It is ridiculous that you think she should have been included. Should the babies who might move to another nursery be included too?

Late fees are normal when a parent is late and a fee is part of the contract.

The nursery have done nothing wrong, and you really do sound like you were expecting special treatment.

I feel we've met before. Safeguarding is never an over-reaction. That's the point. Your attitude is why children die.

Sometimes your report is the single piece of a jigsaw or final piece of evidence needed to help keep a child safe from harm. And in the case of an Educational or Care Setting, it can be the piece of evidence to get them investigated.

I've recently witnessed a setting to be found seriously lacking in care after the Safeguarding Team investigated. As a result, they've undergone a huge transformation in terms of policies and Safeguarding practices.

In this instance the children were able to kiss because no staff were present when it happened. The next time there are no staff present a child could choke or have something happen that results in life changing injury due to the lack of care by staff.

Your daughter was right to report the incident to nursery. She was not right to dictate how the nursery dealt with it. The nursery will have logged it and spoken to the parents, they may well have reported it to social services but that information would not have been passed on to you/your family.
The late fees will be in the contract.
Your complaint about the graduation is frankly ridiculous - she will get her graduation/time on stage at her new nursery next year when she is moving to school.

This. You’ve all let a lot of emotion get in the way here I think.

I'm not surprised your friend is being distant, she's probably horrified at the entitlement!

For previous posters calling for social services - settings keep records. They may or may not have made a call, based on what other behaviours they have witnessed. What they absolutely would not do, is tell OPs daughter about it!

She’s still late though. I used to work in nurseries and I had an afternoon off booked once to help my best friend prepare for her wedding the next day (I obviously had the next day booked off too) we had two parents arrive late and I wasn’t allowed to go becuse of ratios and it put back our entire afternoon. The audacity to think you can turn up late, even in the middle of the day and not be charged a late fee is ridiculous. Are you sure it’s not behaviour like this that made them not want to talk to you?
Also, no your GD shouldn’t be included in the graduation. You chose to take her out, graduation is for those about to go to school.

They should have taken the incident with th little boy more seriously, however your daughter had no right to know exactly what action they took.

I can understand your disappointment @suzyq54
You would expect better from your friend.
It hurts to know you valued her more than she values you.

The follow up on the "kiss" shouldn't be relayed to you anyway. They should speak to the family but it's not your business.

As for the rest, suffice to say - don't "mix business with pleasure" in future.

This is a massive overreaction in my opinion. If this is a one off incident, with no others concerns then it is not a ‘huge’ safe guarding concern. It is a small behaviour concern to be logged and kept an eye on. Parents should have been informed. The child is 3 not 13.
He may be copying his parents kissing each other.
If there are other, prior concerns then that is different.

But very small children do all sorts of stupid things. They lick everything. Including many different bits of each other when the whim strikes. I teach 5 year olds. Even at this age (and older ) I still regularly have conversations about licking, biting, kissing etc. This is most likely to be a simple impulse. Or possibly watching his adults kissing each other.
I would expect them to have discussed it with the other parent and made it clear to the child that he’s not to do it again but it’s well within the range of normal behaviour with this age range.

I don’t think op wants special treatment but she knew the owner before as a friend and it’s clear now that they are being off with them. Not to speak to the parents of a child in their care is very unprofessional. It’s not like they want special treatment, they aren’t getting the same treatment as everyone else is they are being ignored and shunned by staff. Would you want your dc being cared for by people who were that rude and petty?

Late fees are normal but they obviously weren’t that bothered about them as they waived it. The graduation thing is neither here nor there, they are silly anyway.

Of course you were right to bring up the tongue thing and it’s a shame you’ve had to lose a friendship over it. But sounds like it’s no great loss to you. Hope your GD gets on better at her new nursery.