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Dr called me rude then got offended when I called him rude back

159 replies

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:33

I had a telephone call with a consultant today and he said i interrupted and Overspoke him and he called me rude this is something I struggle with especially with phone conversations as how do you know when the person has finished talking but i accept this is rude so didnt argue it or say anything back. When he had definitely finished talking I said can I speak now please and then within my first sentence he interrupted me so I said you're being rude im talking and my god he went off like a bottle of pop and how insulting it is that I called him rude and how he cant continue being my dr if I think he's rude. At this point im crying and he said I dont want you to get upset but im not going to help you if you insult me. It ended with him referring me to someone else. But why does he think its ok to call me rude but its not ok for me to call him rude, I said the exact thing to him as what he said to me. But just because he's a dr its ok for him to say whatever he wants and not for me.
Aibu to think that where all human and just because he's a dr it doesnt make what I said worse.

OP posts:
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Solocup · 23/07/2025 23:14

MyUmberSeal · 23/07/2025 19:47

The way the NHS is at the moment, I’d let a consultant call me scuzzy cunt and I’d still nod and say thank you very much.

🤣🤣🤣

Anyonecanachieve · 23/07/2025 23:13

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:42

I have never or would I ever say that to anyone now that is rude and he would have every right to lose his 💩 if I said that

🤣🤣I overheard one of the reception rudely saying ‘the NHS is a free service you know’ to one patient who was asking what time they could expect to be seen as their letter said 9.15 am and it was already 10.15 am - I sat on my hands but I wanted to say it’s not free it costs us the tax payers about £170 billion a year or like £2700 per person per year or something but it definitely not free!!

TrainGame · 23/07/2025 22:44

Also OP, many women incorrectly misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder in the past when it’s actually ASD or AuDHD. They didn’t think women could have autism so gave them this label instead.

If you wanted to you could go to your GP and ask to go on a waiting list… might be a long time but it could be a relief to know why things in life might be challenging at times and finally be able to say definitively, this is why. And sort of stop blaming yourself.

ManyATrueWord · 23/07/2025 22:31

Some consultants have no humanity and an ego the size of the USA. Sorry you got one of those. They do not do well when you insist on retaining autonomy

BrokenWingsCantFly · 23/07/2025 22:21

This reply has been withdrawn

The OP has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down now.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 23/07/2025 22:02

The thing with trying to get your questions across before you forget them, is your not listening while distracted.

Write your questions out before the appointment.

SillyPlayer · 23/07/2025 21:59

MyUmberSeal · 23/07/2025 19:47

The way the NHS is at the moment, I’d let a consultant call me scuzzy cunt and I’d still nod and say thank you very much.

Best comment ever! 😆😆
Properly made me laugh- you win the Internet for today!! 😆

Jamesblonde2 · 23/07/2025 21:59

Do you speak the way you write? Lots of talking and lack of punctuation/pause for breath? It can come across as argumentative. Professionals are only human too, with many people to deal with every day.

Advocodo · 23/07/2025 21:58

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:48

Im not sure i absolutely put my hands up to doing this i find it so hard on the phone to tell when someone's finished and he was talking alot I had stuff to say to.

I feel I interrupt in a conversation as I know I will forget what I am going to say!

RosesAndHellebores · 23/07/2025 21:57

On the whole I've found the Consultants pretty polite and they tend to speak to me as their equal. Their registrars or junior doctors (whatever they are called nowadays not so much).

I think the worst was, without looking up "You all turn up late, and now you are all here at once". I replied, I was on time and my appointment was 30 minutes late. I walked out and asked if I could be sent an appointment to see the consultant as I didn't deal with people who were rude. The consultant phoned me later that afternoon and apologised. It was years ago as ds1 was a baby; I declined a further appointment and went private.

Bushmillsbabe · 23/07/2025 21:56

HurrayDuvet · 23/07/2025 19:47

As a doctor, I would never talk like this to a patient. I might think it, but I would not get into an interaction like that. It sounds incredibly unprofessional, the whole conversation.

I was thinking this too. If someone started shouting, swearing etc then I wouod give then a warning that if they continued the call would be ended, but just interrupting because not sure when finished speaking, I would never call someone rude.

However, I do have a few colleagues that expect patients and anyone even slightly less senior to be 'yes sir, no sir, how high sir' and I could definitely imagine them behaving like this.

SheridansPortSalut · 23/07/2025 21:55

amilea · 23/07/2025 21:53

No as I would of been told of again for interrupting.

Hmm. Perhaps. It would be unusual to be told off for apologising. Apologising when you know you're in the wrong usually defuses a situation.

amilea · 23/07/2025 21:53

SheridansPortSalut · 23/07/2025 21:51

"...but i accept this is rude so didn't argue it or say anything back."

Did you tell him that you accept it was rude and that wasn't your intention?

If not, it probably sounded like you didn't accept it.

No as I would of been told of again for interrupting.

OP posts:
SheridansPortSalut · 23/07/2025 21:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Speaking of rude....

SheridansPortSalut · 23/07/2025 21:51

"...but i accept this is rude so didn't argue it or say anything back."

Did you tell him that you accept it was rude and that wasn't your intention?

If not, it probably sounded like you didn't accept it.

Snapandfart24 · 23/07/2025 21:50

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

MidnightMusing5 · 23/07/2025 21:47

MyUmberSeal · 23/07/2025 19:47

The way the NHS is at the moment, I’d let a consultant call me scuzzy cunt and I’d still nod and say thank you very much.

Bring back the laughing emoji 😂

RosesAndHellebores · 23/07/2025 21:47

ArtTheClown · 23/07/2025 21:36

There’s always an outlier ofc and the odd one will be rude, but consultants usually have pretty impeccable people skills

NHS Fife would like a word...

Brilliant 👏

CaptainFuture · 23/07/2025 21:45

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:42

I have never or would I ever say that to anyone now that is rude and he would have every right to lose his 💩 if I said that

That wasn't directed to you.

Idontpostmuch · 23/07/2025 21:45

amilea · 23/07/2025 19:33

I had a telephone call with a consultant today and he said i interrupted and Overspoke him and he called me rude this is something I struggle with especially with phone conversations as how do you know when the person has finished talking but i accept this is rude so didnt argue it or say anything back. When he had definitely finished talking I said can I speak now please and then within my first sentence he interrupted me so I said you're being rude im talking and my god he went off like a bottle of pop and how insulting it is that I called him rude and how he cant continue being my dr if I think he's rude. At this point im crying and he said I dont want you to get upset but im not going to help you if you insult me. It ended with him referring me to someone else. But why does he think its ok to call me rude but its not ok for me to call him rude, I said the exact thing to him as what he said to me. But just because he's a dr its ok for him to say whatever he wants and not for me.
Aibu to think that where all human and just because he's a dr it doesnt make what I said worse.

Oh my goodness, that's what so many consultants are like. They have God complexes. Shrug it off.

TrainGame · 23/07/2025 21:44

amilea · 23/07/2025 21:09

Im not diagnosed but I wouldn't be surprised in the slightest if I was

In that case OP, I would say the next time, if this happens again, just say "I think I'm undiagnosed autistic and I can't always gauge the right time to ask questions so please bare with me and my communication needs. I have questions I'd like to ask so please let me know the best time to ask them".

Once people understand, they are so much nicer. They realise you aren't being rude, you just are being direct and trying to accomplish the task in hand, which is completely fine.❤

yakkity · 23/07/2025 21:43

SunnySideDeepDown · 23/07/2025 20:19

But GP consultations should predominantly be the GP talking. Of course you need time to describe what’s wrong but he’s the doctor, and he has 10 mins to find out what’s wrong and sort your treatment and referral.

Why were you talking over him?

You sound confrontational and abrasive. Doctors don’t deserve attitude. Just keep it professional and thank them for their advice. No need to start making it aggressive with counter accusations of rudeness, it’s totally unnecessary.

WRONG!
of course the patient should be doing most of the talking if it is an appointment about an issue. The GP would talk more only if it was an appointment to detail a treatment plan.

Tcateh · 23/07/2025 21:43

My experience of every consultant has been one of I'm the big man.
I understand that feeling. I try not to pre empt any meetings I've had but it's usually been that.

Unfortunately they don't have the time they'd like to have, and I respect that.
This often comes across as disinterest and at times when one is pretty vulnerable.

Ladyzfactor · 23/07/2025 21:42

amilea · 23/07/2025 20:09

To see if people think its ok for drs to say anything because their drs

You were probably hostile and rude from the beginning. You seem to be angry at all doctors. The common denominator in all of these interactions is you.

PaLilli60 · 23/07/2025 21:41

Sounds like he was an odd ball OP. He could of said please let me finish and then il listen or something like that. Not professional to call you rude, it was an accident and he isn't a teacher!

I have met many GPs with a bit of an attitude problem over the years. Don't know if it's god complex or the stresses of the job just grinds them down.

Either way I always ask myself with stuff like this - did I intend any harm or was it an accidental error. You apologised when he picked you up on it. He should have had the grace and humour to do the same when you returned the favour. You sound like a good normal person who had an unfortunate encounter as we all do have sometimes due to misunderstanding, limited time and people having odd personalities or bad days.

Let it go now. It's done and no permanent harm caused.

Speak to another Dr