Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Maintenance Payments Ending

336 replies

Hula0565890 · 23/07/2025 19:04

The spousal and child maintenance payments between me and my ex are due to end in September as per the court order. From Oct all costs of our kids will then be shared evenly between us.

My ex earns at least 3 times the amount I currently do. AIBU to ask if they will be willing to split the costs more than 50/50 in light of this, appreciating this cannot be enforced?

OP posts:
Helpmeplease2025 · 23/07/2025 20:35

FateAmenableToChange · 23/07/2025 20:27

Its your young adult children who need to ask their dad for continued financial support I think. Also hopefully it will be received better if it comes from them.

Agreed.

Beamur · 23/07/2025 20:30

Surely he would give any money directly to them now?

FateAmenableToChange · 23/07/2025 20:27

Its your young adult children who need to ask their dad for continued financial support I think. Also hopefully it will be received better if it comes from them.

Menopausalmum43 · 23/07/2025 20:21

If I were dad is give the money straight to my children absolutely but I wouldn't be paying spousal maintenance why would he do that? Can you not work?

Zanatdy · 23/07/2025 20:08

All costs will legally cease, and that includes any agreed 50-50 split. The student loans will be dependant on household income of their main residence. Hopefully he will contribute to their uni costs, but you can’t do anything if he doesn’t. I think you’re pushing it asking for him paying more than 50%. He may have his own plans to help fund them at uni, my ex paid my son’s entire degree so he didn’t need to get a student loan. I just gave £125 a month towards food.

x2boys · 23/07/2025 20:04

DancefloorAcrobatics · 23/07/2025 19:50

Depending on what their next steps are, your ex will still have to pay maintenance.

But he can choose to pay directly to the DC.

Not if they go to university he doesnt.

x2boys · 23/07/2025 20:02

Hula0565890 · 23/07/2025 19:46

Apologies for the drip feed. They will be finishing school then onto uni and so will need financial support for living costs.

Why can't they get loans and a job like other kids their sgr?

Praying4Peace · 23/07/2025 20:02

Hula0565890 · 23/07/2025 19:46

Apologies for the drip feed. They will be finishing school then onto uni and so will need financial support for living costs.

But you will still be entitled to 50 pc
I think that you have had a very good deal.
Obviously this is from my perspective, I had zero support

CalicoPusscat · 23/07/2025 19:58

I do think he SHOULD help with uni, but looks like he's under no obligation to

GasPanic · 23/07/2025 19:57

They could take on loans, or work like a lot of other people do.

I guess it depends on the relationship you have with your ex, the relationship he has with his kids and how he feels about what has happened in the past as to whether he will contribute or not.

Helpmeplease2025 · 23/07/2025 19:56

Surely you will give them money, and he will give them money. It’s not for you to tell him how much he has to support them. As PP said; it’s their choice to go to uni. Unless it’s stipulated in the court order, he doesn’t legally have to pay anything.

T1Dmom · 23/07/2025 19:52

Yabu. Its their choice to go to uni.

DancefloorAcrobatics · 23/07/2025 19:50

Depending on what their next steps are, your ex will still have to pay maintenance.

But he can choose to pay directly to the DC.

ToKittyornottoKitty · 23/07/2025 19:50

How long have you been getting the payments? Do you mean you think he should give the kids more money, or that you think he should still give you money? Who do they live with?

Mrsttcno1 · 23/07/2025 19:49

Hula0565890 · 23/07/2025 19:46

Apologies for the drip feed. They will be finishing school then onto uni and so will need financial support for living costs.

You can’t force him to pay that unfortunately.

Minnie798 · 23/07/2025 19:48

What are the 18 year old twins plans? University- dad will likely send money directly to the adult dc.
Apprenticeship- apprenticeship wage is minimum £800 per month now , so dc can help fund themselves.
Full time job- again, they can help pay for themselves.

Original poster
Hula0565890 · 23/07/2025 19:46

Apologies for the drip feed. They will be finishing school then onto uni and so will need financial support for living costs.

OP posts:
nomas · 23/07/2025 19:42

Of course you can ask. Don’t be out off by people here, only you know the circumstances and your ex.

mamagogo1 · 23/07/2025 19:42

My exh paid me maintenance until both left university to avail him of guilt most likely

susiedaisy1912 · 23/07/2025 19:41

What costs are you expecting him to help with? Are your twins still in education?

mamagogo1 · 23/07/2025 19:41

You can ask for a fair share of their costs for university, you can also apply to the court for help but you need to be prepared to hear no. It’s also possible for their father to pay dc directly for university support

ThejoyofNC · 23/07/2025 19:39

What costs? There's no need for you to be involved with eachother to be honest. They are 18 and can make individual arrangements with each of their parents if either of them are willing to offer financial assistance.

TidyDancer · 23/07/2025 19:38

What kind of costs are you referring to? Are they going to university?

MrsKeats · 23/07/2025 19:37

No absolutely not.

dreamersdown · 23/07/2025 19:36

I think you’d be lucky to get the response you are after, given that they’ll be adults.