Maintenance Payments Ending

Nah, that kind of asshole is depressingly common. I'm surprised you've not heard stories like this before.

If it makes you feel any better, my mum was a relatively 'high earner' back then, my parents were divorced, and I went to uni with the reduced student finance amount and she, nor my dad, ever sent me a penny. I never even thought to ask or expect it. I had a bunch of part time jobs (and full time jobs over summer). It was my choice to go to university, I was the first one in the family and the expectation was that I paid for my own upkeep while I was there. It was sort of seen like a holiday, or something...

Granted, I did get into stripping to bridge the gap. That paid for quite a few actual holidays, too.

@Daygloboo You’d be surprised. A friend’s ex is constantly trying to wriggle out of CMS for his son, doesn’t pay a penny towards his daughter’s university expenses…yet he himself has a doctorate so clearly values education!

Some people are amazingly self-centered.

Just a general comment but I find it impossible to believe that a man earning three times as much as you wouldn't be willing to pay decent money to help his own children. What kind of human being would do that. Whatever kind of man would spend all the money on himself and not his children. You'd really have to be pondlife to do that. Or if they are now adults and couldn't get s job and claimed benefits so that society pays for his children instead of him. Surely that would be a joke. ????

I think it makes sense for your children to ask their Dad for some financial support during university. At 18, I think that the support would go directly to them though.

Would your ex be more amenable to giving money direct to the DC? I'd think about approaching it from that point of view. Say to him - when child support ends on x date, would you prefer to have a discussion with me about how uni support for the DC will work or would you prefer to speak directly to the DC about their needs?

You can't force him to provide anything but approaching it to give him options (both of which imply that he will step up and contribute) might be the way to go

Once they are 18, it can be between your children and him. Hopefully, they can have that conversation.
The money will go to them if he does continue to help them but I'd also hope that they are helping themselves as well and not counting on 100% support

@HereForTheFreeLunch
Not if parents are divorced. The loan is based on the income of the parent they live with most. If the split is 50/50 then the loan is still based on the income of the parent who supports the application. I have done 3 years of applications for my son in this scenario and the other parent’s income details were not requested.

Student finance is based in the resident parents income.

Exactly this. Parents are expected to cover the ‘shortfall’ in student finance.

What is the relationship between you and your ex-? Are you able to have a sensible conversation about how each party will support your children? If not perhaps your children can that conversation directly with their father. I do think at 18, the money should be paid directly to them.

I think it is relevant whether you work part time or full time. Working part time and having a lower salary is a choice.

There is no harm in having the conversation with him regarding finances whilst your twins are at university.

I'm with you, OP. There is an expectation of parental support at uni if household income is more than £25,000. I think you and your ex should contribute to the DTs' uni costs in proportion to your incomes.

Who are these people who think once 18 people are on their own?

My ex!

Paid absolutely nothing towards our DC’s uni expenses. Didn't ever collect or drop them off, buy food to take back, pay for equipment, bedding…nothing.

He did invite himself to the graduation though. Family photos!

Fortunately I did earn enough to give them a little support and they worked very hard in their part time jobs. My DP also provided some help with transport, overnight stays etc. We didn't expect any contributions when they returned home in the holidays either.

This is nothing to do with her earnings. She isn’t asking for money for spousal maintenance.

The point is that had they stayed together her ex would’ve been required to maintain his twins according to his level of income and their loans would’ve been reduced. He didn’t stop being their dad when they divorced so she’s asking whether he can reasonably be asked to offer the same level of support.

Men end up better off after divorce because they see much less of their kids so the mums, irrespective of their income, cover the majority of their children’s outgoings.

Supporting a culture that allows men to choose whether they continue to care for their children in every sense of that word, whilst going after women who are obliged to care for their children, even into early adulthood, stinks in my opinion.

If parents won’t help but their higher income means the student’s maintenance loan is capped the student will have to officially sever ties with the parent and claim estrangement. It’s a process. Emotionally challenging and will involve getting people involved in supporting the claim. GPs teachers etc.
it’s quite a bug thing and it would be a very toxic parent to choose this route for their child

Most kids are only entitled to a minimum loan of around 5K pa - on top of the £40K tuition fee loan which goês directly to the uni. There is an expectation - though this cannot be enforced - that parents will be able to make up the rest of living costs - uni web pages estimate £13K to £18K. Sometimes the young person can get a job or take a gap year - but some courses, such as medicine, absolutely forbid this. My DD had to sign an agreement that she wouldn't work in term time.

I think from now on your dc need to drive this forward with their father. They need to meet with him and discuss how he will contribute to them as students. If he is a high earner they won’t be able to access the full maintenance loan as parents income limits what they can borrow.

They need to get used to asking him for financial support when they need things during uni. Not go through you. They also need to discuss with him where they will live during the holidays.

Good heavens.
A lot of very unpleasant people on this thread. I had heard others say this, but reading these replies is making me wince.
Firstly why the passive aggression towards OP??
The constant asking if she works, when it's clear from her initial post she does.
Others asking if she's working all she can? A subtle suggestion perhaps to get her finger out and stop harassing her poor, poor ex. No one knows her circumstances, or any details about her health/disability status, both physical or mental or any caring she might do.
Furthermore there are suggestions that she's been bloody fortunate to get spousal support, because others haven't done so...well good luck to her. I don't know her circumstances but if she's been possibly left to bring up twins on her own, then l dare say she needed all the help she could get.
But the best one was some other kind soul suggesting that perhaps she's on 'benefits' (shock horror) because this person had heard others call 'benefits' work.
Yes the law has been explained rigorously on this delightful thread, but l dare say the OP is feeling a bit worried about the possible support a couple of 18 year olds are going to need for the next 3 years.
My god daughter and son in law have been trying to get jobs for the last year with over one hundred applications between them and not one offer yet. This is not unusual nowadays.
l hope OP that things work out for you and l'm sorry you're worried. I was in your boat once and it's not pleasant. I would suggest though that mumsnet is not the best place for impartial advice. Take care.

The loan will be based on both parents income so it will impact.

What kind of relationship do the kids have with their dad?
At 18 I would expect them to talk directly.

That’s very dramatic. Their loans will be based on OP’s income, not their dad’s. And loads of people don’t have the money to fund their adult student children. They’re not evil, they’re skint.

Student finance is affected by parental income. The higher the parents earn the less the student can get. Why? Because it is expected that parents contribute. Only a complete arsehole parent who hopes for no relationship with their adult children wouldn’t.

Who are these people who think once 18 people are on their own?
bearing in mind, parental income affects the amount of maintenance loan students can get it is absolutely expected that parents contribute. Only a complete arsehole wouldn’t . An arsehole who can expect to have no relationship with their adult children