To put my mental health first

It sounds like your mother can't take care of the children by herself anyway so stop helping her, it's not making anything better for you.
Put a lock on your door, buy some noise cancelling pods and shut yourself away from the noise when you need to.
I would also look into getting an adult social worker if possible, they can help with social housing applications.

But neither parents of the 5 children your mother is practically looking after full time work? Why do they need so much childcare ?

Considering you’re paying half the rent I absolutely think you should get a say in having lots of children over every single weekend. However that’s a bare minimum and most people would consider the impact of that kind of choice on cohabitants regardless of how rent is shared. It comes across like she is using you for your financial contribution but not treating you with respect as an equal adult.

@InWithPeaceOutWithStress Good point. If the OP is paying half the rent and bills, she really should have a say about all this babysitting.

You say that you moved in with your mum 6 years ago to help your mental health. From what you’ve said it sounds like this hasn’t been very effective. Your mother isn’t putting you and your mental health first. In fact she’s taken on the care of several children which is actively making things much harder for you. Although the intentions behind the move were good, these things don’t always work out in reality.

I would suggest you have a serious conversation with your mum so she understands that the situation is unbearable for you and you’ll be doing everything you can to find your own place. That way she is prepared for the loss of your rent and can work out what to do about that. She has other options such as asking your sisters for rent and stopping paying for the care of her adopted grandchildren. You’re not obligated to continue financing her, you’re not responsible for her.

Considering you’re paying half the rent I absolutely think you should get a say in having lots of children over every single weekend. However that’s a bare minimum and most people would consider the impact of that kind of choice on cohabitants regardless of how rent is shared. It comes across like she is using you for your financial contribution but not treating you with respect as an equal adult.

@LoserMonA If you’re paying half the rent and half the housekeeping, how much are your sisters paying?

If there’s four adults in the house, surely you should only be paying a quarter?

Their parents don’t work & I presume you don’t work either ? How is all this funded ? Is your DM very well off?

Your mum doesn’t seem very supportive of you and your needs OP. It doesn’t sound like a very healthy environment for you to be living in.
i really sympathise that you must feel quite trapped in your situation with not much choice or agency right now. Can your therapist offer any help and support?

You seem to be doing everything you can. Have you applied for pip? Are you getting UC?

It can take a long time to recover from agoraphobia, but taking it slowly and trying to go outside every day is a great step forward. Do you have a support worker?
Have a Google of local charities, they often provide support workers for 3 months every year for free and it's usually self referal. You can ask for help in finding you your own home and benefits you can access. They will help you apply for the correct benefits.
Job centres are supposed to offer this, and social workers, but I've found they usually give you a ten minute call then discharge you.

I'm not really sure what other posters mean when they tell you to get help. There isn't any. You're already doing everything as standard.

What should happen with your therapy is that it's extended up to 12 sessions once a year if you need it. Stress at the start that you need continued support to move you forward. The only other thing you can do is also apply for therapy through local charities.
Have a check on your GP website too. There may be more than one company offering therapy and you can refer yourself to others. If you're already on UC ask your job coach for help with access to this too. Sometimes you get someone that knows their stuff and can signpost you for help.

Good luck, you'll get there, it just takes a little time.

This could be the catalyst to help you move forward with your life. I know you say you plan on moving out etc but your language seems vague and I would hazard a guess that unless you are physically forced to it won't happen.
You're still in your 30s, please don't waste your life. I'm in my 30s and think this is heartbreaking. This sounds harsh but a woman I met at a baby group with my youngest DS who developed the same condition in lockdown and physically forced herself out of the house after being houseboud a couple of years for her kids. It was fucking terrifying for her but she did it for her kids and she's living a normal life now. Don't let life pass you by.

This could be the catalyst to help you move forward with your life. I know you say you plan on moving out etc but your language seems vague and I would hazard a guess that unless you are physically forced to it won't happen.
You're still in your 30s, please don't waste your life. I'm in my 30s and think this is heartbreaking. This sounds harsh but a woman I met at a baby group with my youngest DS who developed the same condition in lockdown and physically forced herself out of the house after being houseboud a couple of years for her kids. It was fucking terrifying for her but she did it for her kids and she's living a normal life now. Don't let life pass you by.

OP, PLEASE see if you can have a chat with your GP. You sound just like me, and the daily burnout you describe after basic tasks, the GAD, the depression, the agoraphobia, the noise/activity sensitivity... while depression itself can cause these things, the fact you're on all medication which hasn't has any effect makes me wonder... is it possible you have ADHD, or c-ptsd?

They are in their house when we have them.

Are the children in your house or their own when your mother is looking after them? Above post is confusing

Noise cancelling headphones may help you?

@LoserMonA I agree wholly with @MrBallenIsaFittie. Your mum certainly does seem to have form for prioritising others ahead of you. I don’t think it’s an unreasonable request you make considering it’s your primary home and you contribute towards half the costs. It’s not like you’re asking her to forever not look after the kids again. If you were my child, I would be supporting your recovery given the challenging mental health issues you have. I’d also be ensuring that you were taking steps to get better as I’d want the best for you. However, I don’t see this getting any better so as others have said please do contact Social Services just to see what’s available.

I hope you’re able to navigate through this and start enjoying life again. I remember literally all my 20s and 30s feeling trapped indoors as I had such low self esteem bought on by alopecia and literally just never left the house. Looking back, I feel quite sad that when I lived at my moms in my 20s, she would take my rent but also call me names for my ‘chosen’ way of living rather than being more supportive. I had a mentally ill violent brother at home who Social Services secured a flat for but he wouldn’t leave and despite him attacking my parents also, they refused to turn him out so eventually for my own safety I was forced out my little box room but by then (late 20s), Id saved enough deposit for my first house as I’d been working FT since leaving uni and had a car also so off I went. However, the pain of feeling trapped and psychologically unable to face leaving the house other than work has stayed with me despite doing much better now. It’s easy for PP to snap at you and go on and on about it being your mom’s house and that’s all there is to it. It’s not that black and white - if you’ve lived it, you get it hence my empathy for you. Good luck!

So what steps are you taking to get better?

Hi OP - this living situation sounds very tough for you. I wonder if your anxiety is becoming more heightened because summer holidays are starting, meaning the grandkids will be at your home for longer hours and home will be more chaotic as a result?

You are not unreasonable to want to put your health first, perhaps take some time to consider what the future could like you for you, and what steps you need to take to get there.