To put my mental health first

Can you get a job at a large property as a live-in housekeeper or cleaner? You wouldn't need to leave the property but would be independent and have your own space.

It sounds like you’re really switched on and a really positive part of the kids lives. Please credit yourself with that.
From experience pinning your hopes on weekly talking session with a therapist to get better is at best hopeful. I had to make a massive concerted effort to get better with exposure, medication, excercise, mindfulness, self taught CBT etc. so many people are waiting for that silver bullet appointment with a therapist to get better . I know you’ve got the mindfulness and medication sorted. Have you got a good CBT workbook?

Hi OP, read all your posts and you sound like you are doing a good job of navigating a really hard situation. Social services is definitely a good idea, but I also wonder why your therapy is only coming through a Talking Therapies service? They are primary care services meant for less severe problems - and what you are describing is anything but. Have you ever been referred to the local Community Mental Health Trust? They usually have longer term therapy (although waiting lists can be very long) so you dont keep doing the stop and start your describe. A lot of local Trusts will try to fob you off onto TT services, but if you have been through several times and are still so impaired, it is time for your GP to refer you to secondary care.

OP, the thing that strikes me most is how passive your posts sound. You just seem to be letting life happen around you in some ways - you don’t query the fact that you pay 50% of the rent even though you’re clearly being ripped off by your family; you don’t query whether you’re getting all the benefits you’re entitled to, etc.

Is this all you want for yourself, forever? And if not, how can you go about changing it?

@LoserMonA If the rent and housekeeping were equally split between the four adults, you’d have more disposable income that you could use for therapies, etc.

Something is off here. You’re trying to get better but it sounds as if you’re being used financially to support the rest of the household.

@LoserMonA could you clarify whether your mother looks after the children at your home or at their house?

These parents sound like complete deadbeats offloading their children onto your family, being unable to cope with their own dc, going on holiday without the dc, and your mother is enabling their behaviour by doing all the childcare. Without your mother's enabling, they would have to start looking after their own children and the children's behaviour might even improve with greater stability.

There's nothing to say they won't be having more children, as the youngest baby is 6 months old. This situation will not improve for you. The only way is to move out.

Im sorry you are really struggling OP.
It does sound really chaotic, do DGC sleep over as well? ?! Tbh if they are spending Thurs-Mon at yours it sounds like she's actually bringing them up not their parents, it does sound A LOT, we're not talking a visit once a week.
You say you pay 50% of the rent, are you on the tenancy agreement? because it sounds like you should be if you are contributing half.
I'm not sure if social services would be able to help house you as you clearly struggle a lot with your MH, but it's definitely worth an ask. Have you been to your GP or investigated any diagnosis such as autism for example? Are you getting support for agrophobia?
I am going to go against the grain here, having an anxious autistic 18 year old myself, I would put my DDs welfare first and do anything I could to help, that would not mean never having DGC but or would be about putting firm boundaries in place as 5 days a week is too much and I wonder if your DM is being taken advantage of and can't say no. What is the reason for 5 days of childcare for youngest 2 and 3 (overlapping) days of childcare for oldest 3, so it's 3 days of looking after 5DC plus 2 days of looking after 2DC ???
I agree about noise cancelling headphones as a short term solution, but getting support for your agrophobia would definitely help as you may then be able to leave the house and escape the choas for a short while.
I hope you get to recuperate and reset on the 2 days a week when they are not there.

I agree with this.

To the poster saying the mum sounds amazing… have you read all the OP’s posts?

OP, it might be worth considering whether a dysfunctional family dynamic might be contributing to your MH problems. At the very least at, living with your mum certainly doesn’t seem to be helping you recover. It doesn’t sound like she has ever been particularly considerate or empathetic towards you.

Hi Op, it sounds like you are dealing with so much and it’s not surprising you feel overwhelmed! With the not going outside, would you possibly be able to go out after dark, eg in a car with someone you trust, if no one could see you? Just a thought. Also, I don’t know if the Optimum Health Clinic would be able to help you, but they do “Therapeutic Coaching”, which involves talking to the same practitioner over time, and can help you understand and change how your traumas link to physical symptoms. They do a free discovery call and have a free info pack. As I said, not sure if this is something that could help, but maybe something you could look into. Here’s a link…

https://www.theoptimumhealthclinic.com/programs/psychology

I hope you can find some peace and calm 💐

OP you sound like you’ve had such a hard time and TBH, your mum doesn’t sound so nice.

she chose someone else (I assume a partner) who was a danger to her children meaning you had to leave home at 14?
I bet there’s more to this for all your childhood that’s lead to such severe MH issues.

It’s admirable that your mum is looking after all these DC, but their home sound chaotic and quite frankly I’m wondering if your mum has co-dependency issues?

I’ve no advice really, it is her house. But just wanted to point out that if I’m reading between the lines correctly, your mum sounds awful.

If you’ve got savings why not pay to have private treatment?
1 pay for treatment & get better
2 Get a job
3 move out
surly you can’t be happy ?

Why did the parents of 5 children keep having more if they can’t cope with the behaviour of the 10 yr old. Why do they not work? I can’t believe the government just let people sit at home all day! I’d be cross if I was one of your sisters who are working yet financially supporting others who aren’t ?

Porchlight offers support workers if they're in your area.

I don't know why I thought you were with 'we are with you', sorry, its not in your post!

I must have just made that up in my head 🤣
Do check if your therapy offers group as well though, for continuation of care.

How are you not able to afford therapy? Universal credit+PIP+the health component that youll be getting on top of your UC must come to at least £900 a month or so.

Hi OP - just remembered something - have you asked your GP if there is a social prescribing resource in your area? This could be a new source of support for you if your GP thinks appropriate 🙂

You may not feel like it, but all of this tells me that you've already taken huge steps!
This is really good news!

You already have coped with navigating the difficult starting point, now you need to expand on that. I'd start with a Google of local charities, support workers can be hard to find. Our local homeless charity offers them, and you probably wouldn't think of looking there!
We are with you often allow group therapy alongside individual, so ask your therapist if you can do both. You don't have to share details with group therapy, it just gives you a chance for continued support with the same organisation. These groups are often online so you don't have to leave the house. I completely hear you on the fact it's distressing to repeat your circumstances over and over again!

And do check with universal credit next time you have an appointment. They're usually delighted to help anyone in the health group by signposting other organisations that can help.

Get yourself on the council house list too, if you haven't already. Sometimes they can be really useful as liaisons.

Hi OP! There is a lot going on at your house. It was very nice of your Mum to support this person when they were young. Your Mum supporting them now by having 5 kids Thurs to Mon is probably stopping them going into care. The couple really need to stop having more kids and giving them to your Mum to look after all week. Your Mum is very kind hearted and loves the kids so she is doing it but it is a very big ask. I hope you are OK. Moving out of your Mum's house aged only 14 is very young. Leaving home at that age can have a big effect on people. You were still only a young child. I have read that you are agoraphobic I hope you are recieving some medical attention. Doctors should be able to zoom call you with put leaving the house. You sound really lovely drawing and doing activities with the kids when they are round. I hope you are eating well and that you have meds to help you. We often need medication to get better properly. Have you tried mindfulness and positive yoga type things. You could find videos on you tube and do them in your room. You could have a diary of things to be grateful for or dance to music for ten minutes a day in your room. Different things work well for different people. I hope you can start your recovery. Good Luck for the future. Xxxx

@LoserMonA You paying half the rent and the other 50% divided between your Mum and your two sisters is ridiculous though. You’re subsidizing your adult sisters who both work!

In your shoes, I’d say that I can’t keep paying half the rent.