To put my mental health first

OP, you sound amazing.
But you do need to put yourself first.

Is there a MIND where you live? They could help you with getting out and about in a slow way that works for you.

If you need some help in how to word things with your mum, then look up DEAR MAN. It is a DBT skill.

You may need to talk to another GP, but TT is not designed for severe and enduring MH problems. I would guess they are sending you there because your local CMHT is overwhelmed. But giving you a subclinical dose of treatment is not going to be helpful and TT will not be able to give you what you need. If you have done TT several times, and the GP insists on sending you back again, you could ask the TT therapist to refer you to secondary care. But really, the GP should be on this. 9 years of not going out deserves serious attention.

I just wanted to add that there will be many people (some maybe even contributing to this post) who are living a good life. They may have once been neck deep in serious mental health conditions and probably thought they were never going to get stronger . You sound so emotionally intelligent that I don’t think your obstacle is a good therapist (although I’m not saying one couldn’t help). In my opinion your obstacle is your household, your family dynamic and you having to pick up the pieces of a problem that you were a victim of yet you feel responsible for.

After reading everyone's advice and seeing things from an outside perspective, I don't think a break will cut it anymore. I realise now that I have to leave the whole situation if I'm ever going to get to a place where I can actually live my life instead of just surviving.

I think this would be very wise, OP. I also think that some counselling or therapy would help you to unpack this whole history and make some sense of it.

I hope you are able to get whatever help you need.

It might also be helpful to apply for social housing, OP. It sounds as though your housing situation may be having an adverse effect on your mental health.

In some council areas (mine is one of them) it's often easier to get a one-bed place than it is for a family to get a home, because there is less demand and it's only people who are vulnerable that are eligible.

You can apply online with most councils.

I think this too. And there is still so much out of your control that it’s really hard for you. Op, let’s look at what is in your control. one thing that is in your control is to pay a bit less to your mum, tell her the living situation is hard on you, you need to try harder to save for support, and you will now be paying x instead of y, and she will have to ask your sisters for more or manage. Then the other thing you can do is less for the kids- I know that’s also hard in your situation so perhaps if you take a different tab, think of things you like /want to do for yourself, and you have to do two of those each day before doing anything for the kids?

Agoraphobia is a way of trying to be in control when you feel completely out of control. I cannot see you getting better in that house hold . I really wish you well. You sound so kind and switched on.

You do realise though that you are never going to get better in your mama house. It’s not really in your mams interest for you to get better . You provide on tab childcare and finances that she will not want to loose.

Sorry. I missed that.

This is spot on. You aren't entitled, just in a shit situation.

Just because I don't agree with you and I'm calling you out, doesn't make me "delightful"

You clearly didn't need immediate medical help.

@Oneeyedonkey aren't you delightful. It was recommended I call 999 based on my symptoms, your opinion on that doesn't change that that's what I was advised. Suicidal people are also advised to call 999 when in crisis but I'm sure you'll also argue that they're not worthy either.

So is common sense.

@Oneeyedonkey thank you for your kind and insightful comment. Empathy is free you know 🥰.

You need to work on your mental health and getting out of the house rather than worrying about others.

Agree with this, there’s a lot of shit parenting on display here, with the OP’s mum looking like the root of it all.

I want to say, OP, that I apologise for my earlier, harsher comments. I’ve changed my mind after reading this thread and think you’re in a really difficult situation. It sounds like you had it very rough in your early years.

i wish you all the best. I hope you can overcome your agoraphobia and can go on to have a happy, fulfilled life.

Yes no one can that but yourself

It can be possible. Thinking like that won't improve your mental health

I think the enmeshed, unhealthy dependencies in the family are probably a large part of your mental health problems, OP. You seem to be squashing down all the reactions and emotions that would be normal responses to your living situation and your past experiences. You no longer seem to have any agency over your life and the mental health problems seem like a kind of 'collapse' response to all the chaos and enmeshment. Therapy may not be helpful while you are still in that situation. It might be better to focus all your energy into getting a council flat, and then try to get some long term therapy to help you process it all. It's not your responsibility to fund your mother - she will have to find her own solutions.

Edited to add: I don't mean that you shouldn't be contributing to costs while you are living there. I just mean that how your mother will manage if you leave home is not your problem. You need to find boundaries.

Giving your mum money even when you didn't live at home isn't normal. I know that you keep sticking up for your mum and saying that she's a great mum, but she really really isn't. She chose to let two of her own children leave home in their teens and she chose the person that made the family home unsafe for them. No decent mother would do that.

She is financially abusing you and using you for childcare for all these unrelated children. I know you say that you love them all and you probably do, but this situation isn't normal or healthy.

You need to speak to Adult Social Services and get support to move into sheltered housing/supported living away from your disfunctional family. You will never get better in your current home environment where everyone is more important than you.

She has said that she doesn't think of herself as disabled. She obviously is, and it is obviously due to her mum's behaviour when OP was a child and OP had to be removed from the family home for her own safety.

There are so many ignorant posters on here, including yourself.

Your mental health problems, particularly your agoraphobia, are disabilities that negatively impact your life just as much as other kinds of disabilities would do. You should be entitled to help.

Your mum put someone else first during your childhood that meant that you needed to leave your own home at 14. I'm surprised that you are so supportive of her, financially and practically, after she did that to you.