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AIBU?

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Original poster

Is it unreasonable to not eat/drink something when you said you didn’t want it?

40 replies

IfIDoThis · 23/07/2025 15:30

If you were out and whoever you were with asked if you wanted another drink or a slice of cake or something and you said no, would you still eat/drink it if they ignored you and got you one anyway?

OP posts:
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FightingTemeraire · 23/07/2025 23:01

LaLaLandDreams · 23/07/2025 16:36

Jeez. Can’t people do something nice without a hidden motive of being controlling!?

Show quote history

If you want to be ‘nice’, listen to what someone is telling you. If they say, ‘No, thanks’, don’t think it’s code for ‘I definitely want x.’

JulieBindelRocks · 23/07/2025 22:55

Makes me think of the cup of tea/consent video
( I would post if I knew how)

HoskinsChoice · 23/07/2025 22:51

SoManyTshirts · 23/07/2025 15:46

No, I wouldn’t - I’d see it as controlling behaviour, trying to override my wishes. I don’t eat or drink random stuff that’s bought for me without asking unless I actually want it, either. Some excuse if I wasn’t there to ask, but still.

Shots often fall into the latter category.

Wow, that's one hell of an overreaction.

MyAcornWood · 23/07/2025 22:02

WhereIsMyJumper · 23/07/2025 15:33

Were you visiting Craggy Island?

Beat me to it. Go on, go on, go on, go on

Surely this isn’t a genuine question op, the answer is too obvious.

Mh67 · 23/07/2025 22:00

No I had a girl at a works night out buying me vodkas which I don't drink and I kept saying no all night. They just piled up on the table.

mysecretshame · 23/07/2025 20:42

WhereIsMyJumper · 23/07/2025 15:33

Were you visiting Craggy Island?

"These ones are nice, they have cocaine in them"

Clafoutie · 23/07/2025 20:27

“ Ah, you’re running low on sandwiches” ( Mrs Doyle)

Clafoutie · 23/07/2025 20:22

WhereIsMyJumper · 23/07/2025 15:33

Were you visiting Craggy Island?

😂😂

magratvonlipwig · 23/07/2025 19:51

I used to struggle with this but now I say no thanks again, and don't have it. As long as you said no when they offered, you don't have to eat anything you don't want.

It often happens with drinks too.. people go let's have shots, let's have Jaeger bombs, I say no, and they get one anyway and expect you to join in. I just give it to someone who wanted one!

LindorDoubleChoc · 23/07/2025 19:51

I don't think this has ever happened to me! Perhaps I do always want it?

XXLfiles · 23/07/2025 19:50

LaLaLandDreams · 23/07/2025 16:36

Jeez. Can’t people do something nice without a hidden motive of being controlling!?

Show quote history

Nice isn't pushy. Nice is respecting the person's wishes. Not putting one's need to appear nice (which actually means person is not nice) above another's wishes.
Person ignpring others is simply not "nice"

Gowlett · 23/07/2025 19:47

I hate when a friend buys me a drink I don’t want.
I know my own limits when it comes to alcohol.

WiddlinDiddlin · 23/07/2025 19:46

LaLaLandDreams · 23/07/2025 16:36

Jeez. Can’t people do something nice without a hidden motive of being controlling!?

Show quote history

How is it nice to do something you've been asked not to do?

If someone asks me if I want cake and I know my BG is already too high or I've had enough carbs/sugar for the day, then giving me cake is not nice. It puts me in a position where either, I damage my health to keep them happy, or I upset them by refusing it again.

Please explain which part of that is nice?

babybythesea · 23/07/2025 19:45

FuckoffeeBeforeCoffee · 23/07/2025 16:33

I see you’ve been to visit my mum.

Ha! I was just about to ask when the OP had visited my gran!

Flannelfeet · 23/07/2025 19:43

WhereIsMyJumper · 23/07/2025 15:33

Were you visiting Craggy Island?

Go on,go on!

Mumtryingtolivethedream · 23/07/2025 19:42

You had your reasons for not wanting anymore they didn't listen so you're under no obligation.

ARichtGoodDram · 23/07/2025 17:02

I think it depends on who it was and what it was.

DH or MIL buying me another one of the expensive cocktails that I like but cringe at the cost of - I wouldn't mind as I know that's them just being nice. They know I'd always fancy another one, but I struggle justifying the cost to myself (which is daft) and they wish I'd treat myself more often.

My Aunt buying me cake or chocolate I haven't asked for - that's a no because she openly hates the fact I've lost so much weight and has tried to persuade me to break my diet every single time I've seen her.

Tillow4ever · 23/07/2025 16:55

LaLaLandDreams · 23/07/2025 16:36

Jeez. Can’t people do something nice without a hidden motive of being controlling!?

Show quote history

Would you say this about any situation where someone says no but the other person ignores them? According to your logic, rape would just be doing something nice for someone….

If someone tells you no, whether it’s about a piece of cake, having sex, or anything in between, it is not “nice” to decide you know better and give it to them anyway. Why bother asking them if you’re going to ignore them anyway?

CopperWhite · 23/07/2025 16:47

Depends what it is and why I said no.

If it was a friend I’d wonder if there was a reason they did it, like they wanted to avoid going home or to talk about something important to them. An exception to that would be alcohol though. I bloody hate it when people try and get you to drink more when you’ve said you’ve had enough.

Rainonwednesday · 23/07/2025 16:47

LaLaLandDreams · 23/07/2025 16:36

Jeez. Can’t people do something nice without a hidden motive of being controlling!?

Show quote history

Why do you think its a nice thing to do when someone has been asked if they want a drink or cake, and said 'No thank you', and then are bought a drink anyway. Its not nice. Its really not nice to be on the receiving end of. It puts the receiver in a really awkward social situation where they either have to ' cause a scene' by not drinking the thing they don't want to drink, or they do force down a drink they really didn't want to have.

Rainonwednesday · 23/07/2025 16:44

This has happened to me with alcoholic drinks. I hate it. Its really fucking rude and I did feel obligated to drink it, to avoid looking rude/ causing a scene which is mad as they are the ones being rude.

Why do people do this?!

HurrayDuvet · 23/07/2025 16:42

My older Asian relatives would do this. I would probably have one bite despite my inner frustration. Thankfully this ‘force-feeding’ does not seem to have passed down the generations.

Kevinbaconsrealwife · 23/07/2025 16:42

SoManyTshirts · 23/07/2025 15:46

No, I wouldn’t - I’d see it as controlling behaviour, trying to override my wishes. I don’t eat or drink random stuff that’s bought for me without asking unless I actually want it, either. Some excuse if I wasn’t there to ask, but still.

Shots often fall into the latter category.

😁

Cattery · 23/07/2025 16:41

A drink, yes. The cake, no