Saying no to my children having experiences without us?

I agree with this.

I do not agree with the posters saying that OP is jealous of her own kids. She has established that she simply wishes to be there to be able to witness their joy, and as their parents, why shouldn't she feel this way?

The OP has also mentioned how the SIL goes OTT at holidays too, thus overshadowing OP's efforts. It's incredibly insensitive of the SIL to do this, imo. We had this issue with grandparents, and it caused an enormous amount of issues and hurt feelings, not to mention such a strong focus on materialism.

Sounds like the SIL needs some boundaries. Or kids of her own.

I would let them go as soon as those experiences are safe and in accordance with the age.
They won't be kids forever and if you sister is willing to spend the money on them that is fab.

YAB totally unreasonable stopping them going, sorry. I do understand how it makes you feel through.
At the need of the day, it’s just life that some people have more cash than others. I can understand how it’s a bit galling, but surely it’s lovely that your family want to be involved with your kids and spend time with them. The experiences don’t sound that extravagant TBH. If you stop them going, the kids may find out later and resent you. Let them build great relationships now with family that love them; you could have some time off too.

I think nothing wrong with them having fun with other relatives on their own and moderately pricey stuff I wouldn't mind but if I'm being completely honest yes it would annoy me if they were spending thousands on my children because I wouldn't want to feel like they are providing something that I cannot provide.

If I'm putting in all the hard work and am there through the difficult times I want to also own the highs and provide the fun times. And let's face it, my provision of fun is at risk of seeming dull in comparison if they're having thousands spent on them going to Disneyland or safari or whatever.

And no I wouldn't feel bad on the children because I would be providing them with fun experiences, just not ones that cost thousands of pounds.

If it wasn't that frequent it might not bother me but if it did bother I think if just be honest with them.

I just think some things are for a parent to own, otherwise where is the bloody reward? If they want to take kids on fancy expeditions, they can have their own and deal with the other challenges as well.

Id love to have family like this! I have no one to help except their dad every other weekend. Would love if people I trusted and had good relationships with them took them to nice places,

I’d let my kids go and enjoy it, I’d want them to experience as much as they can.

I have two young children and honestly, I think you are being really unreasonable. I get wanting “the firsts” but most of those apply to the earlier years. You are denying them AMAZING experiences because of your emotions relating to it. Life is so unpredictable you never know what’s round the corner. Let them do the amazing things, FaceTime, enjoy the pictures and have some date nights with your husband.

If the UK safari is Port Lympne please let them go it is so so good, real core memories. You can’t gate keep experiences forever, will you be stopping them do their first holiday to a country with boyfriends/ girlfriends because you’ve never done it as a family? Or a city break? You won’t realistically (well I hope not). Just let them go and have the best time, it will lead to your children resenting you long term.

They can’t possibly be Disney parents, as they aren’t their parents. Being an aunt or uncle means you can do just the fun stuff with them and don’t have to be there for the day to day things.

My sister in law has never been to watch our son play in a football match for example, they bought tickets to see our daughter in a show but then just didn’t come, never gets in touch just to see how they are and has a bit of form for not being reliable when she’s offered to be involved in general day to day things if that makes sense. Christmas and birthdays are a nightmare as well with her trying to get all the best presents even though we’ve saved all year to be able to spoil our own kids as well.

This speak volumes.

If they don't bother seeing or even asking about the kids, they can't expect to just whisk them off whenever they feel like it.

God, I'd be thrilled. Incredible experiences for your kids and you get a bit of time to do something you'd like to do.
I think you're cruel to stop them. Let the kids decide. Im sure they'll want to go.

I do get where you’re coming from, it’s nice to see your kids experience things but as you can’t afford some of those things I think it’s sad to not let them go.

I spent a few years trying to get my niece and nephews out of their house to experience things that I felt were important: things their parents couldn’t afford/don’t prioritise but that most kids get to experience in life. Holidays, days out etc. But I don’t like spending time with my DB and SIL, we have different lives and they much prefer to spend time with SILs family. They are happy to accept any offers we make, think it gives them a break and I don’t think they care as I just don’t think these things are important to them. I am really conscious though that they might feel we are overstepping. I try not to but I do wonder if they think I’m being patronising. I suppose I am a bit. I just hope they see it as me wanting to treat them but really I’ve made a judgement that the kids need to leave the house more than just school.

So yeah, I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to feel this way, but I’d suck it up and use the money you do have to have experiences that you can afford. My neice will often say how much she’d love to come back with her mum - she would much rather her mum be there. So don’t worry if you can’t afford the expensive stuff, it’s time with her mum that she loves

I think your being selfish. Let's your kids have these experiences. What a wonderful aunty and uncle they have. That want a special relationship with your kids. Do you know how lucky you are. Get over your insecurities.

You’re being utterly ridiculous OP. Are you actually going to deny your kids possibly fantastic experiences just because you’re not the one providing them?

what if it was a school event and they were doing something on an overnight trip? Would you say no because you weren’t the one who took them kayaking first? Are you going to take them on their first date? It sounds like their family members want to provide them with great experiences. Life’s too short!

Its more than Christmas, it seems like these trips etc are fairly frequent and they are not pleased when OP has to decline occasionally.

They bought a virgin experience involving cars for my daughter at Christmas and I asked to go watch and they are now being awkward with the date to make it work.

Why can't she just go and watch?

Its fine to offer occasional days out but it does sound like they are overstepping a bit.

But it’s such a positive experience for children to spend fun time interacting with benign, involved adults who aren’t their parents. It really isn’t beneficial for anyone to treat children as possessions. Didn’t you ever stay with or get taken out by grandparents/aunts and uncles/godparents without your Mum and Dad?

You’d rather they miss out? Really?

I think it’s of huge benefit to children to have relationships with other trusted adults. It exposes them to different ways of life and to experiences we may not be able to / want to offer them. I’d let them do it if you trust them as people.

If, as I‘m - maybe incorrectly- reading between the lines, these people have little experience of extended time with children, you may find one family experience is enough for them. My sister-in-law liked the idea of looking after her nephew. It took one session for her to realise her expectations and the reality were a bit different…

My aunt took me on my first trip to London! Those types of experiences when I was younger helped bring me out of my shell. I was very shy and would almost hide behind parents in social situations. So spending time with my aunts was a challenge to that behaviour, but a very secure challenge. As an adult I am now really close to aunts who took me on trips as a child, it's really nice. Even if children aren't shy, just experiencing things with different people brings them new perspectives and things to talk about. I think it's really nice if extended families can help raise the kids.

And, I have never before today considered it important that my parents didn't take me on my first London 'experience'. My parents did everything for me and we had so many fun times as a family. Children's memories are not made by the price of the admission ticket, their most treasures moments might be singing made up songs on the walk to school.

I've not read the whole thread so not sure if you elaborated more on the issue of you not being invited to these events. It could be odd, or it could be that they think they are giving you some time to chill without having to have an eye on the children. But if the children are happy to go then it would be a shame to stop them.

Glad the stats say 83% unreasonable.

From the posts here, it almost sounds like the other way around.

OP didn’t mention any of these things happening.

YANBU

They are your kids!

I have someone who tries to do a bit of that with me.
But nothing on your scale.
And they wouldnt dream of taking them off somewhere, and not wanting me to come along.

But the difference is that OP isn’t taking her children to these things, so if aunt and uncle don’t then they won’t get to experience tgem at all.

Issue here seems to be that OP expects her brother to treat her to the experiences too, when it’s his Christmas gift to his niblings. She’s jealous of her own children having a fun time.

It really is gross

"Borrowing" You mean spending time with? Like they aren't a library book.

Poor kids

Why would you want to deprive your children of amazing experiences?