Saying no to my children having experiences without us?

Let them go!
They are with family and learning to be independent. It's a win win.

I think YANBU, especially if they’re giving you grief for wanting to be included!!! Its ok to not want to miss out on your childs ‘firsts’ when it comes to big experiences and want to be there! I would never think of taking my niece/nephew somewhere like a west end show or anything like that without also inviting my Sister!

I would let them take them to London trips however, if it’s just visiting the city. Its ok to have boundaries though, if this is a big experience in your eyes then of course you wouldn't want to miss it!
Don’t feel bad about your child ‘missing out’, lots of kids don’t do those things and still have amazing family memories. Money and big experiences aren't everything, spending time with your parents, however, is very important.
Its really horrible that your SIL isn’t including you in any of these things.

You feel what you feel about this and it's good you are asking for perspective from others.
I wonder if you make a list of the things within realistic reach that are most important for you to introduce your children to. This would mean you can be proactive and start planning trip to the zoo, London for going on a red bus and Camden etc. Then when aunts suggest something lovely that's not on your really important list you feel you don't need to be there however if it's on your list you can say you are planning to do this.

What if they were invited out by a friend from a wealthy family, would you object then?

I think it’s great both for your kids to spend time with relations who aren’t you without you, and great that those relations want to treat them and give them fab experiences.

Please don’t deny your children in this way.

You are being far too controlling OP, you have trusted (I assume anyway) relatives willing to give your DC amazing experiences and by extension also give you some child free time? I just can’t see what the problem is tbh.

I have DC in similar age brackets and they are their own people, not extensions of me, they are allowed to have fun experiences in their life without always having to have their Mum tagging along.

Selfish. Jealous. Ludicrous. Controlling.

And what’s wrong with that?! How lovely that that have relations who like to take them out and treat them.

You sound selfish, jealous and controlling. Why on earth would you deny your kids these things, why not be grateful they get to experience them? Gobsmacked at your selfishness.

You’re being so mean. My grandma was loaded and used to have me and my sister to stay for three weeks every summer. We’d do loads of things that my mum couldn’t afford but I never thought any the less of her. I just enjoyed the things I did with my mum, even if they were cheaper 🤷‍♀️

For me it comes down to whether you will ever be able to afford those experiences and whether you want yur kids to have them.

If you will, then fine, all you're doing is delaying the opportunity.

If you can't, then youre denying the opportunity.

Both are your prerogative, but don't confuse the two.

I wouldn't let personal jealousy or insecurity stop my kids having a great day/s out and recharging my own batteries.

DS also has an absurdly rich friend who takes him to michellin starred meals etc - lovely! My head is spinning at the jealousy and spite on here!

Please let these children have these experiences which will help them grow as humans. Also your brother might love to spoil them and thinks be might be doing you a favour. I get the zoo though, do that one yourself with the kids! If the safari was in Africa I’d feel left out (but still let them go!!) but it’s in the UK…. Not quite the same lol don’t think there is a reason to be jealous xx

You’re putting your feelings before your children’s.

How wonderful that they have family who absolutely adore them and want to create special memories with and for them.

Wow! I am stunned by the attitudes on this thread. DB has done this for my DC and I cannot thank him enough, it's amazing he's so generous and wants to share his life so wonderfully. What on earth is the weird possessiveness about?

There was a thread recently where a person said if you don’t want to ever spend any time or money on your nieces and nephews if your childfree don’t ever expect them to want anything to do with you when you’re old. Now apparently if you want to see them that’s also wrong.

Set your pride aside and let your kids enjoy some amazing experiences. Would you ban them from a free school ski trip because you couldn’t see it happen? It’s also great for them to build quality family relationships, especially with kind successful people

I’ve got really fond memories of my childless uncle takings for treats. I’d be happy for this. My uncle also helped me out in Uni.

Honestly your kids are going to have tons of experiences without you, it’s part of growing up - they are getting to an age where some of these may be with friends or friends families too. It is normal to feel left out and to feel a twinge of jealousy but you shouldn’t let your kids miss out on experiences that you are not part of. I’ve brought my kid to the zoo for the first time with her cousin and uncle - my partner missed out and said he felt sad but didn’t want her to miss out. My partner has taken her to a few places, animal parks etc… without me too. I felt sad about it but I couldn’t expect him to sit in doing nothing when I was away. The child is the one that is important not adults feelings.

If anyone was offering to take my kids on these wonderful experiences, and I trusted them, I'd be shoving the kids out the door, asking for a few photos, putting my feet up and ordering my favourite takeaway.

You would be mad to say no. Not just jealous but completely certifiably bats in the attic mad. That's just my opinion - I can't see how this is anything but win-win for you and the kids.

Can you give me your SIL's number? If you don't want to yours to go, I have a 7yo handy who would be over the moon at a safari trip and happy to be "adopted" by an aunt and uncle offering this calibre of treats.

OP you don’t say why, for example you don’t take the children to the zoo. If it’s been a family tradition for two generations, why would you not have taken your children?

Is the issue financial? Or something else?

If it's something you're going to do with them, I think it's ok to say no, but if the dc won't get to do it otherwise then I think you're being very selfish.

These sound like wonderful experiences, and you're lucky someone will pay for them.

Wow OP.

Your brother and sister in law have the means and the appetite to give your kids access to amazing experiences that they would otherwise not have… and you want to deny them that?

This cannot be real. If it is, then you are incredibly selfish and coming across as very bitter.

Yes YABU in my opinion, don’t take these opportunities away from your kids.

Also it’s really nice to be able to bond with nieces/nephews. I used to ask to take mine out (financially they’re able to but they work a lot and choose to not go out otherwise.)
I also thought they might like the free childcare as they’d alternately be with nursery/grandparents/take holidays unpaid, and used to moan about having to find childcare constantly.
I don’t acknowledge the conversation anymore and don’t bother with the invite which is a shame really as my DN has asked to do XYZ a lot in the past.

OP if you don’t allow it now that’s fine but there will most likely be an expiry date and they’ll just quit asking.

It's SO IMPORTANT for kids to have good relationships with adults who are not their parents. Why would you not encourage this? I can't see how it isn't a win / win. You sound really controlling, TBH.

Meh don’t see the issue. Let your children have fun with their extended family.