Saying no to my children having experiences without us?

Minority here. I agree with you. They chose not to have kids and now want to borrow yours for the fun stuff. I hope they are not crass enough to tell them.

I mean...fair point 😂 But I don't understand why they get arsey about the parent(s) being involved as well?

Yes, I agree with this. I wouldn’t want the DC to miss out but I would question why they won’t include you. When it wasn’t certain that DH and I could have DC I remember thinking that if it wasn’t meant to be we would be a very good uncle & aunt to our DNs, but it would never have occurred to us to have tried to do ‘firsts’ without BIL £ SIL. I think that is overstepping, to be honest. And I agree that it could become an issue if teens get used to getting lots of treats from uncle & aunty. I think you need to have a word with your DB and let him know how this is making you feel.

I don't think you're unreasonable because it must be really sad to miss out on seeing your kids reactions to all of these new experiences but you need to put your children feelings above your own and let their auntie and uncle treat them.

It's the fact that it gets weird when you want to be there that I have a problem with. These are magical moments for your kids that you are in not in a position to financially provide (because as parents, you have to pay for all the practical stuff!) and you should absolutely want to be there to watch them enjoy it. Your brother and his wife (sounds more like the wife) want to be the fun aunt and uncle, which is fine, but they can and should do it on a smaller scale that doesn't exclude you. One-upping what you can offer your kids isn't kind, and making it so that you can't be included is just plain wrong on their part.

I think you’re being selfish tbh sorry. My sister sometimes takes my kids away, they have more spare income than I do. The kids love it and so does she, and I love the peace!

You would be insane to deny your kids experiences you can’t give them based on your churlishness.

So roughly you'd rather your DC missed out than someone else treated them.

That's the embodiment of dog in the manger.

You're making it about you and your envy, rather than about your children so of course you're unreasonable.

Like the "really special and meaningful" family zoo that the 11 year old still hasn't been taken to.... 🙄

I am very surprised by your attitude-how selfish to deprive your DC of these wonderful experiences.

How will they feel when they get older and Auntie tells them she tried to take them on special treats and you blocked it???

Think you need to loosen up and let them go have fun-it's not too late.

Wow you're selfish.

My SIL took my boys loads of places. Zoo. theme parks, days out in London and now they are older they have the most fantastic memories! She even took one to Seville for a week and their Granny took them to Spain for a week.

If you’re concerned about them being alone with your children, even if it’s just a feeling then YANBU.
If it’s that you want to be there when they do these things YABU. That’s not putting their best interests first.

Also OP why have you not done the first trip to London or first trip to a special zoo with them yet? They are 7 and 11…

Gosh, I think you're being very unreasonable.

I think you should be grateful that their is an aunt and uncle in your children's life who are willing to provide those more expensive experiences for your children.

Most children don't have that.

I have one SIL who was sadly unable to have her own children so she is a very special aunt to my 2. She is also a high earner, lives in London and often took our children on days out when they were little. I would be fine with it and also maybe let your children decide.

Absolutely all of this 😂

Say no to the things you can afford to do with them yourself and do those things with your children.

I’d let them do the things that are unreachable/unaffordable for you and special treats, but would try and organise it with my brother/SIL for summer, their birthdays and Christmas and so a few times a year. I also wouldn’t let my children be taken too far from home so 3-4hrs drive away max, just incase they asked to be brought home or became unwell. As they get older I’d let them have more freedom.

Your kids are very lucky to have wealthy family who love and cherish spending time with them. Many kids do not have family, or wealth to enjoy these things with. I think you should try and let go of your feelings and embrace the fact that your kids have people in their lives who want to take them places and do stuff with them. My kids don't even get this from their grandparents.

You are being ridiculous but I think you know that by now. Your OP says more about you than your in-laws. If they have the means and time to treat your kids then let them - you can’t possibly expect to be alongside your children when they do certain activities for the first time, enjoy them coming home excited and full of tales!

Or, as most normal people would call them, loving family members 🙄

The whole point of being a relative to children is to spoil them and enjoy spending time with them! What activity would you consider suitable and not "disney parents" - just sitting watching TV with them? Real bonding experience....

"Am I being unreasonable though to deny my kids these experiences if it means it won’t ever happen."
OP you answered your own question.
Yes you would be.
Its different if there were some things you were planning on doing yourself so would prefer the dc did them with you. But if they are being offered opportunities they'd otherwise never have its incredibly selfish and petty to say no just because you're not included. Most people want the best for their dc.

As a pp said, lots of these types of activities many kids do with schools etc. Parents don't have to be there for every single "first thing." Plus if this particular zoo is such a family favourite, first time special tradition, why are you waiting until the kids are old enough to be taken by uncle/aunt? If it was that much of a big deal to your family why didn't you take them when they were much younger? Kids like zoos from very young ages - at 11 your eldest probably won't want to be doing big family outings much longer.

If there are a few specific things you want to do with them, pull your finger out and decide what you most want to do and can afford and actually make plans to do them yourself! Then let the aunt/uncle do additional things you aren't bothered about or could never afford.

Come on OP. I hardly need to add my voice to this - but why on earth would you deny your kids these special experiences?
Ring fence any that you’re planning to do one day, ask if you can join them on some of the others, be grateful that your kids have these generous people in their lives.

'They’re buying favour, because they like their nephews and nieces to love them, but aren’t prepared to put the effort in to build that relationship properly, which is pretty shit, and sadly very common'

Where on earth did you get that from the OP?

Childfree relatives just cannot do right for doing wrong on here. We either don't spend enough time and money on family, and of course we have nothing else to do with that money or time, not having kids ourselves 🙄 or we're just TOO interested and involved, and it's weird and we're hijacking the kids and only wanting to give them fun experiences. Or something

Sorry but there are literally NO childfree (by choice!) couples in the world who would take someone else's children on holiday with them purely to show off how rich they are 😂

Your very selfish op
Can't you just be happy for your children
Mine were taken first class to America for two weeks by family ..
Did I complain I wasn't invited..No
Will I get to go . also NO
Am I complaining No
I am happy for my children, because I want them to do better in life than me ,and I want them to have all the experiences I couldn't have

I actually think it's irrelevant whether you can afford these things or not. Even if you could, it's still nice for them to go away and make memories with their aunty and uncle.

My aunt and uncle used to take me everywhere with them before they had kids! Holidays, theatre, shopping trips...I loved doing stuff with my parents too but my aunt and uncle were the "fun" ones who never said no to anything and spoilt me rotten. I was gutted when my cousins came along 😂