Saying no to my children having experiences without us?

But again, if they become estranged from you wouldn’t you be so glad they had an uncle and aunt to keep looking out for them while you couldn’t?

Isnt your child’s best interests what’s most important, over your own need to feel like the centre of things?

Exactly

I know at least one of my cousins would go to our other aunt's when she'd had an argument with her mum

And my aunts have both been there when I've need to vent about my mother

Sometimes our parents cause us stress and we need someone else to go to

Exactly

I know at least one of my cousins would go to our other aunt's when she'd had an argument with her mum

And my aunts have both been there when I've need to vent about my mother

Sometimes our parents cause us stress and we need someone else to go to

Agree that a middle ground is doable.

Pricey themed hotels for no good reason, no.

A day at the zoo etc, yes.

You don't need to hand over all of the 'good' events/trips to them, but you also need to be mindful that you could be stopping your kids from having experiences they'd love.

If you feel SIL is doing it on purpose/in bad faith/to Disney parent your kids, then I'd be reluctant, for sure. BUT, if you're never going to get to do those things, it may be worth letting it happen for the kids' sake.

No I mean, if you become estranged from your children when they are older but they still.keep.in touch with aunty's and uncle.

I would be glad they weren't estranged from everyone. Surely that's the normal way of thinking...

No they can spend time with my children, as a family, which includes me. They don’t get to borrow
my children from me. And especially not to spoil them. There’s enough naughty spoilt children in this world and I won’t let mine be one of them

The brother and sister in law are stepping into the Mum and Dad role whereas teachers don’t do that

This doesn't make any sense. Being a parent has nothing to do with overnight safari stays.

Isn’t this the point of being an aunty and uncle ? What an odd comment

You need to be less selfish, be happy your children are having wonderful experiences with a relative that loves them.

No I mean, if you become estranged from your children when they are older but they still.keep.in touch with aunty's and uncle.
These things can happen even if it's not something your thinking about now.
Your choice op, do what you want.
I do think there's another way to look at it though.
That's the idea of posting on here to get different viewpoints.

😀

Of course you're being unreasonable, OP. Children need as many people to love them as they can -- the more the merrier. Your SIL and her partner aren't usurping your place as mother by giving your children some treats.

Your attitude to this is quite weird. I can understand that you're jealous that someone else has more disposable income to treat your children to things you can't afford, but that's for you to deal with internally, not for you to use as a reason to restrict your children's fun, or their relationship with their aunt.

Your attitude reminds me of the advice when people have just had a child placed with them for adoption and are advised to do all the 'parental' things with them, and to ask family and friends, when introduced, not to do things they might naturally do with a family member's birth child -- picking up and comforting after a fall, feeding, nappy changing, hugging etc. Because the idea is to make sure the adoptive child, who has often had several sets of carers already, isn't confused about who their forever mum and/or dad is.

But there's no reason at all to behave like this with your own birth children. They know who their mother is. Let them have fun with extended family.

@Comedycook my dc are with gps & Im relaxing at home. Maybe tmw they will forget who I am!

You’re making your kids miss out. They will resent you for this.

before I had DD I offered my friend to take my godchild (I was at her birth!!) to Disney - for free! As my brother had invited me to join my nephews and could have two child free places. She said no because she wanted to take them. They’re in their 20s now and still haven’t been. Silly woman, stop thinking about you and think about them.

currently can’t afford to go to Disney. If someone I trusted who loves my child offered to take her there, I’d let her go tomorrow.

It’s got nothing to do with letting go, I’m not happy for anyone to ‘borrow my children’ to enhance their life.

So you are happy for your family to spend time with them if it makes them miserable?

Awww don't you want to make memories with your DC every single moment of the day?!

I'm gonna guess you're bitter you can't afford these things so you'll always so no. Despite the fact it means your own children miss out on things. I'd be grateful if someone did this for my child.

Am I in a minority in that I would be literally shooing the kids into the car. "Bye now, have fun don't maul the tigers, don't rush back!"

Absolutely not.

Calling the OP selfish is out of order. Have some compassion when responding on this forum

Not if they come between you and your son.

My aunt's & uncles used to treat me, same for DHs. My siblings do the same for my dc. Why would that mean coming between us? for some people it's normal to be close to family and spend time with them.

They want to take the kids to a safari park, not adopt them!

Am I in a minority in that I would be literally shooing the kids into the car. "Bye now, have fun don't maul the tigers, don't rush back!"

A free overnight, screen-free entertainment, educational, at someone else's expense, food and snacks presumably provided - ye gods, please send these people my way😩!

I've just paid £60 a day for holiday camp (six hours) for the first half of next week and I still have to send a packed lunch. And not a tiger in sight...

Actually that's how it was with my aunt. Again it does sound not believable but it can happen.

I'm sure it does happen somewhere just like someone somewhere will have be killed by a table leg. However most people won't die in that fashion so no need to ban tables.

Yes exactly, sounds like they are trying to take over.
OP asked to come along too and they weren't happy. Alarm bells.
I understand some parents would be happy with the arrangements because it would probably suit them too.
It’s got nothing to do with letting go, I’m not happy for anyone to ‘borrow my children’ to enhance their life. The brother and sister in law are unlikely to have to deal with any long term consequences of spoiling the OPs children - it’s no skin off their nose. Regarding school trips, that’s entirely different as the children are not getting undivided attention and being able to call the shots. The brother and sister in law are stepping into the Mum and Dad role whereas teachers don’t do that

😂

It seems more than that, what when the expensive holidays start coming too or we can pay for you to go to university.

Why would either of those things be an issue?

Why would any parent grudge their child help through uni?

I was unable to have kids.
But I have nieces and nephews who I take out and treat.
It is lovely to have this time with them. I'd hate to be told no!