To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

My DD is nearly 5 and just finished Reception and still has very little impulse control. It is exhausting, but she can only safely be left alone for a while with no pens, pencils, creams, anything sticky, anything breakable etc. I wouldn't trust her not to open a load of presents.

I don't think she is being naughty, she honestly can't control her actions most of the time, just developmentally isn't there.

It is very annoying but I know what she's like and have to work around that, or occasionally take the risk that I will come back to a bomb site.

I assume the OP's child isn't so predictable, however and that's why she is so annoyed! Just trust him as much as you would a two year old if that's how he acts, going forward.

He's only four. Cut him some slack. Now, if he was 14 or 40 that would be different 😆. Kids and presents are like fire and petrol. You've got two healthy children , enjoy every minute. Tell him not to do it again, and accept dome responsibility for what has happened. Move on OP.

I wouldn’t let a 4 year old be first person downstairs in the morning by himself - I’d go down to check all was ok. I wouldn’t feel the need to “hover over” but at the very least for a couple of mins. It’s lazy not to.

At the very least you should have gone down today knowing there were presents out and to remind him they were to be left alone.

This one is mostly on you OP. But also 4 year olds should be aware not to do this if they know it’s their sibling birthday.

She said "he knows they weren't his, he knows it's his sisters birthday and they were her presents"
She also said he should know better than to do it.

If you’d have been 55 and alone and had an asthma attack out of the blue, results would’ve been the same, potential death.

Your home should be a safe place for a child, so not able to reach kettles etc.

What age do you feel it’s safe for a child not to be permanently attached to you (whilst also parenting another younger sibling)?

What a bloody ridiculous reach!

Does she though? Even in her early (still angry posts) she’s more baffled/disappointed that he’d done such a thing because she expected better of him and in another post she makes it clear any ripping of gifts was completely accidental rather than malicious/on purpose. You are also seeing what you want to see, just like the other poster, but from a different perspective.

I can't be with my 1 year old all the time. He gets put in his playpen if I need to get stuff done. I did try to be with him all the time once and I knew if I carried on with that experiment I'd either end up completely mad or dead. (Not exaggerating, my mental health took a nosedive in that single day, it was actually scary.) I think I've arranged the living room so it's safe and I let him explore and play on the floor most of the time, but if I need to do anything more than go to the loo or get a drink he goes in baby prison.

Don't be daft.

She sounded surprised he was downstairs, because he doesn't usually go down by himself & she came down to find what he'd done

Anyone awake would be a bit daft to let a 4 year old go downstairs alone into a room with presents and leave them long enough to open a bunch of presents.

It’ll be with the post where she said she was asleep and didn’t know her child was downstairs…..

Can you tell us in which post (time) she has said this? I can't find it.

Perfectly normal reaction, you're allowed to have feelings, and your parenting sounds absolutely normal. Sorry he chose to do this, hopefully you being so annoyed will give him pause in future, I am sure you did nothing whatsoever to harm or distress him, but he will have known you were not best pleased.

She knows her child better than anyone on here. She will know what his impulse control is like, if he can be trusted, if he is safe downstairs on his own or likely to open the vodka and eat washing capsules.
She is likely to know why he has done it not all the people on here.

That level of pain sounds hard OP, and it will make everything else feel more raw. If I were you I would ignore some of the more extreme responses on the thread. At about that age my sister was talking to her eldest on Christmas Eve about what they would do on Christmas Day. Saying "Tomorrow we'll wake up, we'll go downstairs, open our stockings from Santa. Then we'll have breakfast and open all our other presents. " She just forgot to say that they would do all that together. When DSis woke up she found that DNiece had gone downstairs, opened her stocking, had breakfast (judging by the used cereal bowl stacked in the sink next to the chair that DN had used to access the cereal and reach the sink) and then opened every single present in the entire house including all the presents for the rest of the family stacked ready to take round to our parents . DSis had to sit down and rewrap everything there with DN's help. Nearly 30 years later and DN is a kind and responsible member of society with no known ND type issues. And we do laugh about it now. You will get through this.

So the single reason someone is upstairs is to be asleep?

I wonder if he just started with one then got into that Frenzy that kids do where they're just ripping ripping ripping. Not an excuse as he is old enough to know better.

Clearly you've not read the thread.

Considering even the OP who is the childs mother thinks it was malicious then I'd say that's the most likely scenario.

Some of these comments are mad. Of course a 4 year old can be downstairs alone for a short amount of time?! And 4 years olds are old enough to understand when presents are from other people and they shouldn't open them. This is 4 year old being incredibly difficult, not shoddy parenting.

OP - I'm really sorry you've had a rubbish start to the day, I'd be upset as well. I hope you managed to salvage as much as possible. My 4 year old is currently being a nightmare so you have my sympathy!

No, from this

Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one

it sounded like she didn't know he'd gone downstairs as he doesn't usually.

it wasn't until a later post she said she'd given him permission when she was dressing DD.

she knowingly put temptation in his way, then was angry with him for giving into that temptation.

Again balance. You’re assuming (like the other poster did with OP being asleep) a certain level of maliciousness , that isn’t necessarily warranted.

If he killed the cat I'd be taking him for psychiatric evaluation not just not looking at him.

He didn’t kill the cat, he did a dumb thoughtless thing that has been blown out of proportion unless he has form for being a destructive menace.

Yes.

So pissed off you can’t look at them?