Page 3 | To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

alleoindup · 2025-07-23T06:31:16+00:00

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.) I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset. So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

pinkstripeycat · 23/07/2025 18:19

I remember a lot from when I was 4 and would know this was wrong. Four year olds aren’t brainless or clueless!

Thatsnotmynamee · 23/07/2025 18:19

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What utter, utter shit. What do you get from being like this? The cruelty here is all yours

AngryBird6122 · 23/07/2025 18:18

@ExercicenformedeZ what do you deem as cruelty to her children?

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 23/07/2025 18:16

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Oh give it a rest.

Auroraloves · 23/07/2025 18:14

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For fuck’s sake, I’ve read OPs replies to your posts, she’s handled it really welll and I’d just like to ask you, what in the hell is wrong with you? Your responses are vile and bullying

Are you a bully in real life? Or do you only feel brave behind a screen?

nasty piece of work.

Original poster

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 18:03

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Please reply with an example of my cruelty.

What has been done to my children that is cruel?

OP posts:

Original poster

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 18:02

party4you · 23/07/2025 17:53

You literally said he doesn’t have the best impulse control. So what did you mean by that ?

& like I said - no he shouldn’t have done and should be told as such.

Edited

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No I didn’t …I replied to another poster who said four year olds don’t have great impulse control and don’t know what is theirs.

I replied saying he may not have great impulse control but he knows what’s his!

He doesn’t have great impulse control compared to an adult or much older child but he certainly has enough not to rip through a pile of presents that aren’t his! Anyway, it’s too stuffy and hot to keep bickering about this.

OP posts:

party4you · 23/07/2025 17:55

PigletSanders · 23/07/2025 17:15

Quite. What a stupid, shitty comment from that poster, who now looks a fool.

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Well I don’t feel like I do look like a fool but you think what you like. I don’t really care what a random off the internet thinks.

party4you · 23/07/2025 17:53

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 16:57

I don’t think I have ‘admitted that.’ In fact, what I’ve said completely consistently is that I think it is reasonable for a child of DS’s age NOT to do that; he doesn’t rifle through other children’s bags at nursery or snatch other toys from them there.

Of course that doesn’t mean you have to agree but it is allowed to get annoyed with your child!

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You literally said he doesn’t have the best impulse control. So what did you mean by that ?

& like I said - no he shouldn’t have done and should be told as such.

FortheloveofCheesus · 23/07/2025 17:46

To me there's a mismatch between what imho is quite immature behaviour for a child of 4 (both of mine would have known by 3 this was absolutely not allowed) and the level of supervision. If you know a child is a bit immature/impulsive for their age, you do have to hover.

And no, mine never went downstairs alone at that age, they were not allowed. They had those sunshine clocks and knew they had to stay in their own rooms until 7am. I or DH were then always up/supervising from 7am until they were older. Even now at 8 my kids aren't allowed to go down and watch tv before I am up.

BunnyLake · 23/07/2025 17:43

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 17:00

Thanks. I think when you read over and over that someone feels sorry for your children, even though I know they don’t … it does get upsetting, especially because I’m not perfect, and I do make mistakes. I don’t honestly think this morning was one of them though. It’s mainly I’m finding parenting so hard at the moment because I’m in such a lot of pain. It’s difficult even doing simple things.

Have you tried Naproxen (prescription). I have chronic pain and it’s really helped. Made a huge difference, though unfortunately can’t be taken for any great length of time, but it might help in the short term.

Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g · 23/07/2025 17:37

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Get a grip. Being a bit cross is not cruelty.

ExercicenformedeZ · 23/07/2025 17:32

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PigletSanders · 23/07/2025 17:15

Cherrytree86 · 23/07/2025 13:26

@party4you

no, she shouldn’t.

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Quite. What a stupid, shitty comment from that poster, who now looks a fool.

user1473878824 · 23/07/2025 17:12

Zanadoo45 · 23/07/2025 07:39

Why was a 4 year old on their own long enough to do this much damage?

Not being able to look at him is dramatic and way over the top.

The dynamic in your family sounds off. Very off.

“I am struggling”
”oh good, let me put the boot in for no reason”

Original poster

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 17:11

That means a lot @AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta

OP posts:

AnAlpacaForChristmasPleaseSanta · 23/07/2025 17:06

@alleoindup My not so great place is that I’ve got a physical injury which is really causing me a lot of pain and unfortunately even prescribed painkillers aren’t making a difference.

Oh OP I sympathise with this (currently in a similar position) and think you've handled the present fiasco, this thread and some of the more um, extreme comments really well. 💐.

Original poster

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 17:00

Thanks. I think when you read over and over that someone feels sorry for your children, even though I know they don’t … it does get upsetting, especially because I’m not perfect, and I do make mistakes. I don’t honestly think this morning was one of them though. It’s mainly I’m finding parenting so hard at the moment because I’m in such a lot of pain. It’s difficult even doing simple things.

OP posts:

JMSA · 23/07/2025 16:57

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 16:38

And the posts are getting to me a bit to be honest. A lot really. I’m trying to take heart from the fact no one’s actually told me what I’ve done that’s so awful; it’s all very much ‘how dare you feel angry, you terrible person and your poor, poor kids.’ Just the same it’s horrible to read. I’m not perfect; I do get annoyed and I’m sometimes irritated with them.

Maybe that does mean that they are better off without me. I don’t know.

Oh no, no, no. Don’t you go doubting yourself because of a few weirdos on Mumsnet.
As I said before, I’d have been FURIOUS at this and you can bet your bottom dollar that my kid would know all about it!
You’re a great mum. You wouldn’t give a shit if not. And your reaction was perfectly human.

Original poster

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 16:57

party4you · 23/07/2025 16:53

YABU because you need to acknowledge you’ve admitted he doesn’t have the best impulse control and the presents were left in his reach whilst he was alone and had the opportunity to open them. Should he have done it, no of course not and he should be told as such. However, you’ve not once acknowledged that actually you should be annoyed at yourself for giving him the opportunity when it seems pretty clear that you knew he potentially would open them.

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I don’t think I have ‘admitted that.’ In fact, what I’ve said completely consistently is that I think it is reasonable for a child of DS’s age NOT to do that; he doesn’t rifle through other children’s bags at nursery or snatch other toys from them there.

Of course that doesn’t mean you have to agree but it is allowed to get annoyed with your child!

OP posts:

Pregnancyquestion · 23/07/2025 16:54

ExercicenformedeZ · 23/07/2025 15:21

You said that you ' couldn't look at him'. That is a highly disproportionate level of anger and contempt to direct at a four year old. Where is the kids' father in all this?

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God chill out, you’re being completely unreasonable with you attacks on OP. Billy big bollocks over a key board to someone who openly admits to having a difficult time already. She didn’t scream at him, hit him but felt angry. It’s perfectly reasonable to feel emotions. Stop being so cruel and trying to antagonise someone posting for support

party4you · 23/07/2025 16:53

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 16:49

So your feeling about my wrongdoing is …

This is what is baffling me. It’s not so much ‘yabu because xyz’, it’s just a flurry of spite.

YABU because you need to acknowledge you’ve admitted he doesn’t have the best impulse control and the presents were left in his reach whilst he was alone and had the opportunity to open them. Should he have done it, no of course not and he should be told as such. However, you’ve not once acknowledged that actually you should be annoyed at yourself for giving him the opportunity when it seems pretty clear that you knew he potentially would open them.

Original poster

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 16:49

So your feeling about my wrongdoing is …

This is what is baffling me. It’s not so much ‘yabu because xyz’, it’s just a flurry of spite.

OP posts:

party4you · 23/07/2025 16:46

Cherrytree86 · 23/07/2025 14:04

@party4you

this child is 4 years old. Plenty old enough to know that’s it’s his sisters birthday and therefore his sisters present and therefore not for him to open. Op has done nothing wrong.

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Ok, agree to disagree.

LittleCarrot12 · 23/07/2025 16:43

Oh FFS. It’s perfectly reasonable to allow a 4 year old downstairs alone. I like to all go downstairs together on a birthday so birthday child sees set up first but it’s not set in stone.

OP, I’d be furious too. Age 4 is old enough to understand right from wrong, and he’s made a choice.

The problem is the trolls like to try and break people because they’ve nothing better to do with their sad lives. You sound like a well balanced mum.