To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

My son was probably the same age when he opened some Christmas presents round the tree before Christmas Day. He was (and always has been) a really well behaved child but sometimes children do ‘childish’ things. Looking back I have no idea how he was able to do it (where was I?) but it is a story we occasionally bring up (do you remember when …). I probably learnt a lesson there myself. Even I as a child (the most ridiculously well behaved kid) secretly rummaged in my mum and dad's wardrobe looking for Christmas presents at about 8yr.

With you OP. I’m generally able to let my 4, nearly 5, year old sitting on the living room on his own for 5 minutes. I’m even able to leave him for periods of time while he does his Lego at the kitchen table.

He’s tall, 114cm, and he can’t reach the kettle, taps or oven controls. He can use step ladders but if he did, his focus would be on adding stars on his wall chart, not trying to make a cup of tea.

I’d be upset if he opened his baby sister’s gifts too, because he knows not to do that.

How did you deal with it op?
Have you managed to scoop them all up B4 2 yrs old saw?
I'd be pissed off too.
Has he previously been jealous?

Sent to his room for the day! WTF. 😬 Abusive. How old are you? Do you have children? Hope not.

I would react the exact same way as you have.

I hope you manage to salvage the day and your daughter isn't too disappointed. Maybe an extra treat today just for her will help smooth things over.

Jesus christ people need to let off. I'd feel the exact same as you op in this situation. It's more disappointing than angering. Your parenting does not need to be negatively commented on, your son made a reasonable request to you and you agreed.

You're right he shouldn't have done it. And, now there needs to be age appropriate repercussions. I'd be getting him to help me rewrap the presents during your youngest nap and asking for 3 reasons why it wasn't acceptable. I'm mean so would most likely take all screens away for 24hrs.

I also get that you've let him go downstairs on his own. I've let mine do the same and feom about age 7 they would sort out their own breakfast and get themselves ready for the day.

Little things like what you're allowing set them up nicely for a tiny bit of independence and the space to learn and make mistakes. (Obviously safety in mind)

i would be furious. My four year old would never do something like that - he's four not two!!!

ah OP, sorry about your morning

The four year old boys I know (including family) are not capable of reasoning and will do whatever they please if not physically prevented from doing so. You might as well be annoyed at a dog for eating a discarded burger in a bush.

(I specify boys because girls are often more advanced at that age and you can reason with them sometimes).

How incredibly naughty. this is not acceptable. A four year old should know better and I’m sure he knew he shouldn’t have done that. I think he needs a serious consequence. Sent to his room for the day, I don’t know. If I’d done this as a child I would have had a clip around the ear and sent to my room. It’s just not on, he needs to be taught right from wrong.m

He didn’t "just take himself down to watch tv". He asked and OP said yes. She knew where he was while she was dressing her younger child. A child about to start school should not need to be watched at every moment to ensure he doesn’t do something he knows perfectly well is wrong.

I hope telling everyone about your perfection has made you feel better.

Why was he up and about unsupervised?

Do you know, sometimes people just want to vent and rant and be shown some solidarity. I feel like sanctimoniously explaining to the OP where you feel she has gone wrong, is simply not helpful.

My husband does this and it drives me fucking bananas. Just let me rant. Stop pointing out “things I could have done differently”

Children can act very differently around peers than they do at home, especially when they're this young. Pushing boundaries and bad behaviour at home does not mean her son is going to be an unpleasant child at school who takes things from other children and breaks them.

I say this as someone who has spent close to two decades working with children. 4 year olds, in my experience, are more like toddlers than some people would believe. Everyone develops impulse control and appropriacy at different times.

Also @alleoindup, don't get me wrong, I would also be pissed off, but you are not a bad parent for allowing your child to go downstairs for a short period. Shit happens, and hopefully this will be a one off incident!

I remember at 6 finding all our Christmas presents and immediately showing all my siblings. Girls do stupid stuff too.

Totally understandable that you are upset. But the day is not yet ruined. It’s still early, you need to pull yourself together and ‘make up’ with him. One of the best things we can teach our kids is how to draw a line under it and move on.

I don't think you are unreasonable to be upset op but I agree with others you need to take a moment to compose yourself and then tell him this can never happen again and let it go.

5 year old will still have issues with impulse control. They will still make bad choices.

I think giving him permission to go downstairs on his own when you knew it was all sitting out was probably an error of judgement on your part, but it's also understandable as he's at an age where they are getting to be more independent and responsible, but will still have some mishaps. So it's really a judgement call at that age.

In the grand scheme of things, there are many worse scenarios you could have walked into and I agree with others this will eventually become a funny story to look back on when they're both older.

I think you are putting more of your own feelings on to him than is fair for his age if you can't even look at him though. You need to let it go or you will actually be the one who ruins the day without even meaning to. Give it a 5 minute funeral and then make the best of the rest of the day and let it slide.

Boys will be boys, eh? 🙄

/sarcasm

4 year old boys are basically little animals you can't legally make sleep in a kennel. Don't feel angry with him it's a waste of energy clean up and move on.

What was the consequence?

OP if it makes you feel any better I once worked with a woman who was a single parent to her teenage daughter (relevant as there were only the two of them living in the house). One Christmas Eve when the daughter was 18/19 she was out drinking with friends, came home drunk and opened every single present under the Christmas tree in the early hours of the morning. The mum woke up to the mess and I don’t think she spoke to her all of Christmas Day and possibly Boxing Day 😬. At least your 4 year old didn’t do that!

No I think it's unusual for a 4 nearly 5 year old to open all of a siblings presents and deliberately break some of them.

My DS is 4 and will happily go downstairs on his own.

There is no way that he would do anything like this. He understands rules and the difference between right and wrong.

The posters sayings things such as it’s OK he’s only 4 are deceiving you. It’s shocking behaviour and needs addressing. Imagine acting like that in a school environment around his peers?

OP, hindsight is a wonderful thing, and we can all be wise after the event. Clearly next year, you’ll all be going downstairs together! What did your 4 year old say when you went downstairs to find the scene of devastation? I think when it’s his birthday, you’ll have to ask how he would feel if DSis opened his presents? I’m sure he knows he’s done wrong, and I completely understand how irritated you must be over it, but he is only four! Yes, by all means let him know that what he has done is wrong, but he is still well young and dependent on his Mummy, so don’t be too hard on him - often birthdays are a bigger deal to the parents who want everything to be “perfect” than for the two year old whose birthday it is, or the four year old who just might be feeling left out.

He is 4. You are the adult. Take control. Show him and teach him that what he did is unacceptable and ask him how he would like it if the tables were turned. He sounds a strong and determined little boy. Put in boundaries with consequences fast or you will be in for trouble as he grows and knows he can 'control' you.

Haha I'm baffled by all the posters saying that he shouldn't have been left alone. He's almost 5. I'm sure a child that age can potter around their own home without constant supervision. Mine was doing their own thing that age and it was fine. Obviously make sure they can't turn ovens and kettles on or get outside, but I think it's perfectly reasonable to let them chill downstairs on their own.

Sucks that he went and messed up the presents though. That's unlucky, but at least you know that this is what he does so you can avoid it next time. I'd be pissed off too but you just need to tell him off and move on. Hope you all have a nice day. 😄