To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

People shouldn’t ask questions if they only have one answer they want to hear.

Society has shifted significantly towards a victim culture where any poor behaviour whether that be by children or adults is either explained as acceptable or as being someone else’s fault.

Personal responsibility appears to be a thing of the past for many.

I said you were being unreasonable not because you are upset but because you used the phrase 'pissed off' in relation to a 4 year old doing something wrong but very understandable.

I often get pissed off with adults who I think are being deliberately unreasonable and should know better but i cant imagine being that angry with a child. Annoyed or frustrated maybe, but not pissed off.

That being said, please try to set this aside for now and enjoy the rest of the day. A disappointing beginning doesn't have to be followed by a disappointing middle and ending. Do your best to ensure your daughter has fun.

When your son is an adult this will probably be a funny anecdote trotted out every birthday and Christmas!

I'm sorry you are struggling atm. I hope things improve for you soon.

I have my own child and helped out a lot at their school over the years in reception, while none of my boys would have done this, I know plenty of Reception kids who would have, boys and girls.

I know it is so disappointing and I think I would be really upset about this too, but he is only 4 and it really is one of those things that feels huge now and will be really funny when he’s a teenager. That’s really easy for me to say, I know, but he’s still very little and he didn’t do it out of malice.

You being in constant pain is only going to exacerbate your emotions as it is so hard emotionally as well as physically living in pain. I hope you get it under control soon I’m sorry you are struggling with it.

Having a good vent here, decide on an appropriate punishment and move on. It doesn’t sound like there was any malice is and it’s harder to control your impulses when you’re excited like I’m sure your son was about his sister’s birthday.

Kids do stupid things and knowing better is very different to doing better - children develop impulse control at different rates. I have ADHD and I still remember vividly saying I don’t know when asked why I’d done stupid things impulsively. I genuinely couldn’t explain the urge that took over me sometimes and I was like that until I was much older than your son!

Was she? Show us where it says that. Go on, we’ll wait.

But at 4 they decide to do things they've never done before. Make themselves breakfast. Bring you a cup if tea. He could have hurt himself or worse. He's not old enough to be downstairs unsupervised & lacks the impulse control not to open presents.

Ehno she wasnt

This is a teaching moment.

I'd have taken him to one side and ask why he had done it and then explained the impact:

• your sister missed out on a surprise and her things are damaged. How would you feel?
• I'm upset because instead of us having a nice time together, we now need to sort this out so your sister has the birthday morning that was planned.

I'd have asked how he thought we could make this right right and guide him toward the right answer of re-wrapping every single present together while your daughter had a treat like toast and tv in the next room.

I dream about a day my 4yo get's up and doesn't wake me up 😂

My SEVEN year old still wakens me!

”I don’t want to go down on my own, it’s lonely and boring”

🫤

I'd be pissed too but that's why we have birthday presents in our bedroom ready for them to open when they get up. Nobody sneaks in and unwraps without me hearing them. My 4 year old would do similar hence why we do this.

A four year old couldn’t cause the damage you’ve described in a few minutes. When you come on a forum like this you have to accept that views will differ, you have asked for opinions so you are unreasonable to be getting snippy a about opinions being offered.

I understand your frustration, however it probably is your own fault for leaving them where a 4 year old could get them. My child probably wouldn't have opened any presents at that age, but it's definitely not that odd that some might - they might not have even set out to, but just been too tempted. Chalk this up to experience.

I dream about a day my 4yo get's up and doesn't wake me up 😂

I have a child the same age and agree with you that it's not unreasonable to leave them for short periods eg leave them watching TV while you do a short job in another room.

As what he's done seems go have taken you off-guard, I'm assuming it's not usual behaviour. I would be inclined to chalk it up to a bad decision on his part. When you're 4 I can see how in a moment, curiosity about what the gifts are, could win against knowing they're not for him. We all make bad choices sometimes, so i’d make it clear it was the wrong choice, but then move on (fake it until you make it if you're still seeing angry about it).

But the OP wasn't pottering in the next room. She was upstairs asleep.

Your reaction is OTT but you know that. I hope you feel better soon and your pain becomes more manageable x

Solidarity OP. When my DS was a similar age, he picked off and ate all of the icing on DH’s cake that I’d carefully iced the night before and left out on the kitchen worktop.

we laugh about it now but at the time, I was beyond pissed. 😆

Exactly!

Knowing & having impulse control are 2 different things!

at 4 impulse control is still lacking.

I’m surprised at the people criticising you for leaving 4 yr old unattended. I have a just turned 4 year old and she would never do this. They are old enough to understand birthdays and who the presents belong to etc.
Although on birthday mornings we do all go down together to unwrap them. I wouldn’t let one child go down and see the presents all laid out without me there too.
I think the best thing to do is re-wrap them as best you can and get your 4 year old to do something nice for his sister as an apology. Maybe make her a card or do a nice picture or something that he puts effort into and that may make her feel better. And maybe you need to get your daughter some sort of treat to make up for it.

Can any of the things he ripped up be mended? like the pages of the coloring book?? I know if you tape them you can't colour in those pages, but you can tape one side maybe?

I would sit down with him and show him how to fix the things he ruined, carefully and without getting angry with him while doing it.

I don't think you remotely deserved the criticism over your parenting that you got. Some people on MN have very short attention spans and like to just kick off when they see an opportunity.

Really? How do you think a Reception teacher manages with a class of 30 four-year-olds, half of whom are likely to be boys, and typically just one other adult?

Children largely live up - or down - to expectations.

@alleoindup i think people are trying to wind you up 🤷‍♀️ of course a 4 year old can be left watching tv with an adult in the house and popping in and out 🤣

"A huge cry for attention"? ffs

No, it is a 4 year old being naughty.

He knows what he is doing - if not his teacher next month is going to have "fun" with him ripping into everyone else's lunch box/ book bag. Will he? No, 4/5 year olds know what is theirs and what is not.

Unhelpful and a massive reach based on the op.