To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

What on earth do your child and your friend's child have to do with this?

Sending 100% solidarity, OP, it sounds infuriating and you're absolutely entitled to feel how you feel. And you haven't done anything wrong yourself.

Has anyone ever watched documentaries on remote tribal people? Have you seen what the 3/4 year olds are capable of because they have to be? I’ve watched a 4 year old skin a rabbit sized animal with a machete looking thing. Watched a 3 year old burn the hairs off a tarantula like a marshmallow after killing and prepping it with their slightly older siblings and no adult supervision. Am I saying all 3/4 year olds in this country should be out foraging and cooking the household dinner? Of course not. But I don’t understand why in other countries they are capable of these things but in the UK they can’t even go downstairs and watch TV alone because they won’t cope/will burn the house down/injure themselves.

I get in the scheme of things it’s not that big a deal and DD still has most of the presents.

Why are you minimising this, unless there is a massive back story? Of course it’s a big deal and a 4 year old should know this is wrong.

This suggests to me that the child has very little by way of boundaries.

I remember something similar. I cried. The anger soon passes and life resumes. As long as you don’t take it out on them, it’s fine. It’s anger at yourself just as much as at them.

And of course it’s not unreasonable for a child that age to be in a different room to you for periods at that age - and much younger tbh. You can’t -and shouldn’t- helicopter parent, as long as you child proof your home in general. It’s not healthy to be hovering over them constantly. They need gradual independence.

No wonder some kids act the way they do, judging by the amount of people excusing this behaviour on this thread.

OP, I'd be feeling angry too. Definitely needs his favourite toy taking away for a period of time..

You’re right about the standing over. However today, the birthday you might have done things differently. A pile of unopened presents is very tempting even to an almost five year old! Rather than be defensive about this, and other suggestions you can store it away for the future.

It doesn’t have to be a big deal, so try to put it out of your head and enjoy the rest of the day rather than letting it fester. Parenting is hard work, and sometimes overwhelming, so give yourself a break. Believe it from me, these years will race away from you, and you’ll wonder where the time went. Enjoy the Birthday!

Completely agree. I have worked with hundreds of four year olds and can count one one hand how many I would deem responsible enough to be left unsupervised like that. I don’t think its sensible to say things like ‘hes never…’ or ‘why would he…’ when it comes to things like boiling water, electricity, cleaning products and even front doors and windows. Bad things happen every day yet nobody ever thinks its going be them or their kids, until it is.

He is 4. This will be a funny family story one day, if you allow it to be. You’re over reacting hugely.

Sorry to hear you're not well, OP, hope you feel better soon.
As regards your DS, I agree 4yo is old enough to know better. A PP mentioned Xmas presents being unopened, seems a regular thing to do, leaving presents unattended with small children about. Perfectly normal behaviour by parents.
At 4, my DS was getting up by himself on weekends and making his breakfast (I'd leave a small milk jug for him in the fridge and a small Tupperware container of cereal). Of course, after he burnt the house down trying to make eggs Benedict and poured boiling water over himself making a pot of tea, we had to give that up (sarcasm mode).
I understand that some children aren't as well adjusted as my DS and that's fine for them. Sounds like you are a great parent, and have good boundaries for your children.
Once his little sister was old enough to also get up with him, the two of them opted for a block of Cadbury's instead.... Ho hum.
I would explain to your DS that due to the presents bring opened by the wrong person, you must treat the birthday person with a lovely item. He will know what you are really saying... And hopefully it doesn't happen again.
PS Bluey is acceptable at any time of day lol, I'm quite partial to Cricket myself...

A nearly 5 year old should know better. I’ve taught reception and year one for decades. I’ve known a lot of 4/5 year olds. They know right from wrong and they know what is and isn’t theirs.

If he was 2 I'd say yabu but the fact is a 4 year old absolutely knows this is wrong. I would be extremely pissed off and yanbu at all.

He didn't deliberately break some of them. Some of them got accidentally torn while he was opening them.

In this way, yes.

Normal morning my 4 year old can go down, birthday mornings or Christmas when there are presents left down we go down as a family. I don't expect any of my kids to open the presents in a frenzy, but I'd rather not set them up to fail.

How disappointing, OP! It's hard when they are sort of old enough but sometimes do stupid stuff that they know not to do. My nearly 5 year old drew on the wall last week. Does he know not to do that? Of course! But he did it anyway on impulse. 4 year olds are like that sometimes. I hope your DD has a lovely birthday anyway.

When you asked him why he did it, what did he say? What were his reasons for opening them?

What a little shit. I'd be incandescent. What did he say about it? I'd force him to re-wrap everything with me.

She wasn't asleep, she was getting her DD dressed!

If her child was going around opening presents at a non-related child's birthday party, I'd agree that she'd need to take more parental responsiblity.

If her child was at home and opened his younger sister's presents that he knew were hers, like in this scenario, I think it's very different. Perhaps her son is jealous that his little sister was getting all the attention at her party and now there's a pile of presents all for her? He's a 4 year old ffs.

I was thinking this. Being nosy and tearing off a bit of the paper to see what it is, is understandable, although not acceptable. But destroying the presents is a the main thing I would have an issue with.

I don't think it's fair to blame OP for leaving them out unattended - in our house Christmas presents are under the tree for a week or more before Christmas and never once have any been opened. Moved around, shaken to see what's in, tags checked to see who for, sellotape gently tested to see if would 'accidentally' come lose yes, but never fully openned and never intentionally damaged.

Really? Interesting “fact”. Can you quote exactly where you got that information from?

There are clearly an insane amount of unhinged adults on this thread!! Some that can’t read properly but the bulk of the lunatics claiming you have mistreated him by allowing him to be in a separate room alone!! How do these people go to the bathroom, help another child, god forbid make a snack in the kitchen for a sibling, put a washing on etc etc. They must have hired help or insanely large properties that whole families can congregate together in the bathroom so a child is never unattended. OP your son was naughty this morning, re wrap and enjoy the rest of the day and give an age appropriate consequence. Kids and adults make mistakes .

And just to add, all of my children have been left downstairs whilst I went upstairs to do something at that age and have been absolutely fine. I do not believe for one second that people do not leave their four-year-olds for a second while they’re at home. That is absolute madness.

People saying a 4 year old shouldn't be downstairs by himself are off their rocker. My 3 year old is absolutely fine to play or watch TV downstairs by himself in his own home. We known it's a safe environment and of course he should know to have not opened the presents.

You haven't done anything wrong op and it would be fair to be pissed off even if you weren't struggling at the moment

...well, you didn't think this would happen, but it did. So 'what do you think was going to happen?' isn't a very useful question, is it?

However, you have a point. LTB.