To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

This is tough for you. Thing is, yes, he knew it was wrong, but four-year-olds are creatures of the moment and the temptation to tear paper got the better of him. Your disappointment is understandable, and it's natural to feel angry and upset, but you have to act the adult on the outside. Calmly explain what he did wrong, make sure there's a consequence for it, make sure he understands that consequence, and then move on. Your anger and disappointment is yours to deal with, not a four-year-old's.

Also may not have been impulsive, he asked to go downstairs when he doesn't usually, knowing his sisters presents would be there.

Made this mistake when DC was very little. Child proof room(ha!) presents. DC opened my chocolates, opened the box, took the foil off them all. Found them scattered on the carpet, and one with a bite out of. Bloody quick worker. Only popped to the loo. (Not child proof) (Cunning child)

These things happen.

At 4 I think most people pop in and out and leave them for a minute or two.

I’d be raging and I’d let him know all about it.

Na if my youngest (who has just turned 5) did this to one of her older siblings I'd not want to look at her either

Assumed. Made it up. Tomayto tomato

I have completely age appropriate expectations which is why I clearly described it as bad behaviour. But “I can’t even look at him”? No, I don’t think that is how an adult should react to their 4/5 year old’s impulsive bad behaviour, which was carried out while upstairs ignoring them to look after the preferred younger sibling who I bet will be treated completely differently when they get to the same age.

Yes in subsequent posts, I was replying to the posts as I read them.

as you are, given you've not read my other purses about this

fast moving threads are a bit if a nightmare.

No I assumed from the way she wrote her OP, she said in a later post she was dressing the 2 yo.

i wouldn't have let him go downstairs until I was ready when there was a pike if DD's presents tempting him!

Or even ‘old enough’ on Netflix where children in Japan aged between 3 and 6 are sent on errands like going to the shop or taking daddy his lunch at work. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/OldEnough!

It's not beyond his years at all, that's the whole point.

No it's not ridiculous, it's understanding how & when children develop impulse control. Some people never get there fully even as adults!

I never said she was neglectful.

leaving him alone in a room to watch TV is one thing, leaving him with a pile of presents is another. Expecting him to have impulse control beyond his years, then getting SO angry with him when he does something predictable is unreasonable.

I don't think it's that outrageous considering he's ruined his sisters birthday.

Honestly this thread is beyond bonkers.

If someone published on MN the story of Winnie-the-Pooh going to Rabbit's house and eating all his honey and condensed milk, and then getting stuck in his doorway on his way out, some posters would be viciously laying into Christopher Robin for not parenting his toys properly and not keeping a closer eye on them.

"MY cuddly toys would never do such a thing!"

FOR THE DAY

is

Again, you have ridiculously low expectations of a 4 year old.

I get that you thought you could trust him to not open the gifts but seriously he’s four. Of course he’s going to open someone else’s presents. The impulse to see what they are would be too strong, unless he was exceptionally mature for his age, which he’s not.

If he’s your first just chalk it up to another parenting lesson, rewrap if you can and carry on with the day, it’s your child’s birthday one of the most exhausting and best days of the year. I hope they have a lovely time.

"Sending him to his room is abusive?"

For the whole day, yes.

Ah OP, I feel your pain.
Every birthday eve, I had to remind my kids that the presents might be there in the morning, but they were not to be touched until I was up.
Sometimes (Often) 4 year olds do unpredictable things.
Does he get pocket money? Could he use some of it to replace the book that got damaged?

I would be very cross if my child had behaved like this at 4. And not with myself for not supervising while watching Bluey. My DC was perfectly capable of being left alone for a bit at 4 - I was pregnant then and would often doze upstairs while they had something on TV downstairs.

Personally, I'd focus on restitution and "making good". Put the presents that are ok to one side and your DS can help decorate some paper to rewrap them. Make your DS put the ruined ones in the bin so he understands the consequences of his actions. Replace the ruined ones on Amazon (if you can afford it), and show your DS how much that costs in terms he can understand, e.g. how many ice creams. Then tell him he'll understand why he has to miss out on a treat this week (ice cream or something else) to help pay to replace the presents.

Surely no parent follows a four year old child around in their home 24/7? Is this is a thing? Genuinely curious!

He didn't intentionally damage them. A few bits got a bit spoilt by accident when he was opening them

It's absolutely not unrealistic to expect a 4 year old not to do this. You have incredibly low expectations if you think otherwise.

Of course you don't need to be follownig a 4 year old around. Bloody hell some of the perfect helicopter parents on here are bizarre, are they really following their kids from room to room hovering over them? Never left 1 or 2 kids playing alone in the lounge whilst doing something in another room? Never nipped to the loo or the bins leaving a kid in front of the TV or tablet? Load of bollocks.

Parenting is hard and you are human. It's quite normal to feel pissed off, he knew better and did it anyway. And it is very annoying if the tags have come off so you don't know who presents are from. There should be some consequences whatever you do for discipline, e.g. time out or no Bluey for rest of the day.

Sorry the morning was tough, hope rest of your day goes better.

No she wasn’t! You’ve invented that. She's said she was upstairs dressing her younger child, having given the 4-year-old permission to watch a short cartoon.

Edited to say I see you now recognise that.