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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be this pissed off with my 4 year old

484 replies

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 07:31

It was his sisters birthday party last weekend but her birthday is today. I work Mondays & Tuesdays so was going to open the presents today. Came downstairs and he’s opened every single one, destroying some in the process (like tearing colouring books and tearing the boxes some of the puzzles etc came in.)

I’m finding it hard to even look at him to be honest: I know I’m probably overreacting but I really am upset.

So I don’t get accused of drip feeding I am struggling anyway and this has just depressed the hell out of me.

OP posts:
somanythingssolittletime · 23/07/2025 11:09

Why were the presents visible? I also leave my children (6 & 4) unsupervised in the house but I make sure anything they aren’t supposed to get into is put away the night before.

YABU in your reaction and feelings towards him. I would have laughed it off and got him to help me re-wrap them. Also your DD is 2, she wouldn’t have a clue if it was her birthday or what was going on.

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 23/07/2025 11:09

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 11:05

Ah that's ok then

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Well no, but there’s a sane, reasonable balance between he’s a horrible , future ASBO , little shit that deliberately “ruined” his sister’s birthday and he’s a puppy that doesn’t know any better. Good parenting is finding that balance. The other two are extremes of the same shitty coin.

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 11:08

TourdeFrance2025 · 23/07/2025 11:07

Proving the point you really don't know about child development & impulse control.

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I do, clearly you don't.

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 11:08

GrooveArmada · 23/07/2025 11:06

Of course - a 4yo may very well be thinking he's doing the right thing opening them. What an odd comment, and please calm down.

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Don't be daft, 4 year olds aren't that stupid

TourdeFrance2025 · 23/07/2025 11:07

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 10:48

It's not beyond his years at all, that's the whole point.

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Proving the point you really don't know about child development & impulse control.

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 11:07

TourdeFrance2025 · 23/07/2025 11:05

Please tell me you don't have children.

of course sending a 4 year old to their room FOR THE DAY is outrageous.

he hasn't ruined the 2 year olds birthday!

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I have 5, I wouldn't actually do it but I wouldn't think someone was abusive for doing it. I'd certainly have to send them for a little while because I'd be so angry.

GrooveArmada · 23/07/2025 11:06

Cherrytree86 · 23/07/2025 11:05

@GrooveArmada

”trying to be helpful?”

how??

come off it!

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Of course - a 4yo may very well be thinking he's doing the right thing opening them. What an odd comment, and please calm down.

BunnyLake · 23/07/2025 11:06

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 23/07/2025 11:00

DD painted the telly. Even signed her name. Then tried to say it was an accident/wasn’t her because the spelling was wrong . Grin

I can laugh about it.. NOW.

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I left mine once to go to the loo came down and a big pot of nappy cream was smeared all over the furniture and all over him! (Different child to the one who opened Christmas presents early). They were both overall very well behaved children but sometimes their little brains glitch, just like adults who make errors of judgement, or grown women scrabbling about drawers trying to locate the engagement ring they think their bf has got them!

GrooveArmada · 23/07/2025 11:05

Oh and if DD is 2, she definitely won't care much or remember this anyway.

TourdeFrance2025 · 23/07/2025 11:05

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 10:44

I don't think it's that outrageous considering he's ruined his sisters birthday.

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Please tell me you don't have children.

of course sending a 4 year old to their room FOR THE DAY is outrageous.

he hasn't ruined the 2 year olds birthday!

Cherrytree86 · 23/07/2025 11:05

GrooveArmada · 23/07/2025 11:02

Sorry OP, but leaving wrapped gifts with a 4yo is a recipe for disaster. I think this one is on you, if you didn't want him to touch them, you shouldn't have taken risks. You can't blame a young child, he probably was excited or trying to be helpful. He doesn't think like you.

Rewrap what you can and give the presents to your DD. Explain to her DS was trying to help her and opened some gifts that would be hard to open for her. Don't get upset aboit the packaging, who keeps it anyway?!

YABU.

Edited

@GrooveArmada

”trying to be helpful?”

how??

come off it!

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 11:05

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 23/07/2025 11:03

The sister is 2! She’ll barely register it as “ruined” , much less remember it as such.

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Ah that's ok then

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 23/07/2025 11:04

BunnyLake · 23/07/2025 11:00

My very well behaved son once opened presents before Christmas day, it does happen even by well behaved children with good parent(s).

I’ve been known to shake presents under the tree as an adult 😂

Edited
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I’m so disappointed when they don’t meow!!!😂😂

Themomentsheknewshefkedup · 23/07/2025 11:04

alleoindup · 23/07/2025 08:58

I was very angry and upset with him. I’m still annoyed but I’m calm.

I stand by the fact I do not need to hover over DS every minute of the day. Apart from anything else, I think that’s exhausting for the parent and overbearing for the child.

This. My 4 year old sits in the living room by herself if I’m busy doing stuff around the house. It’s not like you’re going to drag him upstairs everytime you need to be away from him for 2 minutes.

You’re getting a lot of shitty comments on here op and you don’t deserve it.

I would be upset with dc too but he (I think you said he!) is only 4. Despite knowing right from wrong he isn’t old enough to really understand the consequences. It is shitty but take a deep breath and move on from it and focus on the birthday child ❤️

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 23/07/2025 11:03

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 10:44

I don't think it's that outrageous considering he's ruined his sisters birthday.

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The sister is 2! She’ll barely register it as “ruined” , much less remember it as such.

TheOGBethDuttton · 23/07/2025 11:03

Zanadoo45 · 23/07/2025 07:39

Why was a 4 year old on their own long enough to do this much damage?

Not being able to look at him is dramatic and way over the top.

The dynamic in your family sounds off. Very off.

4 year old children are old enough to go downstairs on their own while a parent is still sleeping. The only person that sounds 'very off' is you.

GrooveArmada · 23/07/2025 11:02

Sorry OP, but leaving wrapped gifts with a 4yo is a recipe for disaster. I think this one is on you, if you didn't want him to touch them, you shouldn't have taken risks. You can't blame a young child, he probably was excited or trying to be helpful. He doesn't think like you.

Rewrap what you can and give the presents to your DD. Explain to her DS was trying to help her and opened some gifts that would be hard to open for her. Don't get upset aboit the packaging, who keeps it anyway?!

YABU.

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 11:02

TourdeFrance2025 · 23/07/2025 11:01

No, you just have no understanding of child development, specifically impulse control.

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I do, I've worked with children for many years and they are far more capable than people on here would have you believe.

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 11:02

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 23/07/2025 10:59

No I have realistic expectations, based on reality, like what’s happened here.

Not whatever nonsense expectations you’ve pulled out from supernanny 🤷🏻‍♀️

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So if a 10yo did it you'd still be saying it's unreasonable to expect them not to because it happened?

My 9yo step smashed her sister's phone up because she wouldn't let her go on it. Is it unreasonable to not expect that behaviour because it happened?

TourdeFrance2025 · 23/07/2025 11:01

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 10:39

Again, you have ridiculously low expectations of a 4 year old.

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No, you just have no understanding of child development, specifically impulse control.

BunnyLake · 23/07/2025 11:00

Bushmillsbabe · 23/07/2025 09:43

I was thinking this. Being nosy and tearing off a bit of the paper to see what it is, is understandable, although not acceptable. But destroying the presents is a the main thing I would have an issue with.

I don't think it's fair to blame OP for leaving them out unattended - in our house Christmas presents are under the tree for a week or more before Christmas and never once have any been opened. Moved around, shaken to see what's in, tags checked to see who for, sellotape gently tested to see if would 'accidentally' come lose yes, but never fully openned and never intentionally damaged.

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My very well behaved son once opened presents before Christmas day, it does happen even by well behaved children with good parent(s).

I’ve been known to shake presents under the tree as an adult 😂

WhenYouSayNothingAtAll · 23/07/2025 11:00

BlackeyedSusan · 23/07/2025 10:57

Made this mistake when DC was very little. Child proof room(ha!) presents. DC opened my chocolates, opened the box, took the foil off them all. Found them scattered on the carpet, and one with a bite out of. Bloody quick worker. Only popped to the loo. (Not child proof) (Cunning child)

These things happen.

At 4 I think most people pop in and out and leave them for a minute or two.

DD painted the telly. Even signed her name. Then tried to say it was an accident/wasn’t her because the spelling was wrong . Grin

I can laugh about it.. NOW.

TryingToBeHelpful267 · 23/07/2025 10:59

Dramatic · 23/07/2025 10:39

Again, you have ridiculously low expectations of a 4 year old.

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No I have realistic expectations, based on reality, like what’s happened here.

Not whatever nonsense expectations you’ve pulled out from supernanny 🤷🏻‍♀️

Brefugee · 23/07/2025 10:59

MintTwirl · 23/07/2025 07:52

In 10 years + you will be relaying this is a funny story but yes right now I can imagine you are cross and frustrated. Go make a cup of tea, get him to help you tidy up and fetch bits to re wrap the things that you can wrap and move on with the day,

IMO this is never going to be a funny story.

OP you have learnt your lesson about locking away presents, your DD probably won't remember but i would be giving her extra treats that DS isn't allowed, for her birthday so totes legit.

But he also needs to be told that what he did was wrong and that he must apologise to his sister. And maybe share his colouring things? so he learns when to share and when not to touch?