To be terrified to be home alone?

Exposure therapy. It can creep you out at first but you get used to it. You can always try nightlights so it isn't totally dark.
I find pets very helpful in the long term. They can alert you to anything strange and if you hear a noise you can always convince yourself 'it's just the cat/dog!'
I live in a victorian terrace and if a neighbour makes lots of noise suddenly it really sounds like it's coming from my house.....I almost wet my pants everytime!😅

Oh OP you poor thing. Well done for facing your fear. I think it’s very common to feel frightened to sleep at home alone (I don’t feel happy about it either!), so don’t put yourself down about it. And of course you feel frightened when someone who was meant to take care of you threatened to harm you in such visceral language when you were still a little child (I’m so sorry that happened). Everything you’re saying makes sense and you should feel proud of yourself for having such a lovely relationship with your parents and having achieved so much in your life.

Lots of good suggestions from PP. The only further things I’d suggest would be to lean into the pamper night vibe and in particular be careful with internal dialogue of how you think about the night. Don’t think “it’s such a long night what am I going to do” when you can think “It’s such a treat to be home alone, I have lots of time to do things I enjoy.” And make a list of all the things you enjoy that you can do, and plan yourself a little schedule to cover the whole night. You can choose whether to put something off in favour of a nap. Even google ideas if you need to!

I am sure the fact you’re having trouble falling to sleep makes you feel even more panicked. Try to surrender to the fact that you struggle to sleep when you’re alone and that’s ok. You’ll be tired in the day, sure, but that’s also ok. You’ll survive, and you’ll even catch up on some sleep next week. It’s no big deal, and you are more than capable of doing well with a few disturbed nights.

You got this!

You can do this , if you are having therapy it a good start , now you can't sleep , would a night light help do you think. I am awake after losing a partner ,all the best could you try a warm drink it will soon be dawn anyway l think you are very brave , l must try now to get some sleep as l am very tired as well , all the best

I don't have that type of trauma in my past, so I'm not sure how useful my tips will be, but I've never lived alone for more than a few weeks at a time and also feel more anxious in an empty house at night. As it happens, DH is away to visit family, so this is very much on my mind at the moment!

A PP suggested Disney films, and a version of that is my top tip. Watch something that you find familiar and comforting. I like comedies or light period drama for this. Just having the noise of the TV in the background helps a lot.

Second tip: I make a cocoon for myself in my room. Plenty of soft, warm lamplight, my phone and laptop next to me on the bed, and any other small comforts that relax me, like a nice drink or my favourite scented lotion. I try to frame it as a pamper session.

Third: Logically, I know it makes no difference (though I also know that it's incredibly unlikely someone would try to break in), but it makes me feel safer to put a chair in front of the door and cover every window with a curtain, so that's what I do. If I'm feeling vulnerable, I might sleep in more clothes than usual, with slip-on shoes by my side of the bed, so that I'm ready to go in an instant.

If you can, tiring yourself out beforehand with exercise, housework, etc is probably a good idea.

I hope you've been able to relax enough that you're no longer awake reading all this!

It's nearly an hour since you posted and that's another hour when nothing dreadful has happened. Do you mind being alone in the house during the day or evening? Is it easier in the summer when the hours of darkness are shorter? You're being very brave to challenge your fears, I wish I had more practical help to offer.

One second at a time OP. Then one minute. Then one hour. Moment by moment, the time will pass.

You are ok.

You are safe.

In just a couple of hours or so, the sun will start to rise once more.

Look into relaxing hypnotherapy videos on YouTube or soft music; that might help before you have the chance for therapy.

You are doing really well and can be so proud of yourself ❤️💐

OP I think you're really brave for facing your fears and trying to overcome them on your own. I've got 5DD's all grown and flown so I really just wanted to send you a Mumsy hug and say well done! I'm up because I'm a bit of an insomniac these days - there's always somebody around on mumsnet.

I used to feel like this at a similar age (also had childhood trauma). It gets easier.

therapy for phobias is very effective but it is hard work.

you need to be prepared for the idea that when you stay home alone (especially the first night), you will get scared. but have a plan for how to cope, and when you get to the morning you will be so much stronger and able to do it again.

when I used to babysit in other homes and was scared at night, I would watch disney movies all evening because you can't get scared when watching The Little Mermaid etc.

And if you can get therapy in place asap, then do it.

Could a friend come stay with you?

Therapy OP. I would imagine you have some unresolved trauma from that experience as a 13 year old.

That sounds really terrifying. Im sorry you went through that.