To be terrified to be home alone?

Agree with this..

I’ve lived alone for nearly 10 years now and was very scared at night to start with but it does get easier.. I make sure all doors are securely locked and push a chair against my bedroom door just to give me peace of mind

I would try very hard to conquer this. My mum had this and by the time she was old and needed care, she couldn’t stay alone with carers popping in. It accelerated her move into a nursing facility and she was surrounded by women all the same (as well as some who needed it for care needs).

Lots of good advice here so please do look into it or failing that, therapy.

Well done OP! I was the same and was scared of being alone. I’m still scared of the dark (I’m nearly 50) but really enjoyed living alone in my twenties! I got a cat so I could blame any noises on him and nothing sinister. Having the tv on is a good idea too - I found it works a bit like white noise and covers other sounds.

Get an attack alarm next to your bed btw you won’t need it- just as a comfort blanket. Good luck

Therapy @DiamondRing7 seems a must in this situation.

When I lived alone I had a lock installed on my bedroom door which helped.

Do a round of checking doors and windows before you head upstairs to check that they’re locked.

Have a ring doorbell installed and if you really feel the need, more cameras around whatever house you move into.

Make your bedroom into your haven. Think about what things make you relaxed and happy? Would it be splashing on some luxurious bedding, scented candles, oil diffusers, light projectors to keep on during the night.

Play calming spa or sound bowl music through the night to have some background noise rather than being on edge waiting to hear every little sound.

You can do this.

Hope you had some sleep OP.
It’s common to feel like this at night, staying alone takes some practice.
Is it a big house and how close your neighbours? It makes a difference as well. If it’s a really big detached house and neighbours are not so close you naturally feel more lonely. However you might be absolutely fine in a flat in a city.
In the meantime I would leave lights on at least somewhere, do a check around the house before going to bed, less caffeine and something light to read or watch. Good luck .

I live by myself @DiamondRing7 and I love it, so I don’t really get your fear but I guess the background makes it understandable. Kudos for trying to sort it out.
Would a low level of predictable background noise help, so you aren’t on high alert, aube play something calm- radio 4 or gentle music ( nothing that raises your pulse), stick to your usual routine, do something nice for your self care. Are you generally happy in your own company as of not this is always going to be difficult for you. Good luck.

Well done OP on being brave enough to face your fears, even if you’re feeling scared. I think the other posters that are right when they say that getting therapy for your previous traumas is probably necessary. The thing is that it’s not just when you were 13, it’s the loss of birth parents too and all the trauma that comes with it regardless of how loving and secure the relationships are with the people that brought you up.
I know from my own experience that without therapy, it’s likely that even if you conquer this fear by yourself, another fear will come to replace it. I went through a phase in my early twenties when I was like you and unable to stay in a house by myself. I managed to beat it but then developed a huge fear of being sick. After that fear was gone I then was convinced all my teeth were going to drop out and spent day and night worrying. And it went on until I went into therapy. I’m still not 100%, I have my anxieties, but I am so much more able to cope with situations and understand myself.
All the best OP.

I'm 65, had no childhood trauma and was raised by my very lovely birth parents and I'm exactly the same as you. I hate the dark and being alone at night. I don't know why and, at my age, don't suppose I'll change. I know lots of people who feel uneasy when they are alone in the house at night and I'm sorry that I can't make any suggestions about how to overcome your fears. Just want you to know that you're not alone in feeling this way.

You’re amazing. You are genuinely facing your fears and that is really brave.

please come back and tell us how you got through last night, and know that you did so, and you can do it again. I’m interested in the therapy you had not working-try to remember that not everything works at once, but that does not mean that nothing will ever work.

I had this and it came from an unresolved childhood fear. I was always terrified of being on my own at night. I always had a really good night’s sleep in hotels! Finally circumstances meant that I was going to be living completely alone in my early 30’s after years of house shares and a long-term relationship ended.

i had hypnotherapy and it really worked. I am very old so i was given tapes to listen to of the sessions between the sessions to keep reinforcing the new thoughts I guess. I basically explained how the fear had arisen, he hypnotised me and we went through the same event but with a different outcome if you see what I mean. It was all about feeling safe rather than afraid.

I went from not being able to be alone at night to living in a ground floor flat on my own and feeling fine.
I probably had about half a dozen sessions and the tapes to listen to in between.

He explained to me that because my parents had never helped rationalise the fear or explained it (I was probably about 7 or 8 when the event happened) it had just got stuck. That’s why when I see on here about children being afraid at night I always want to say ask the child why they are afraid! Get to the bottom of it.

My friend was like this and used to sit in her car when her partner was out. She also had childhood trauma.

She had EMDR treatment and is a lot better and now can be alone in her home.

Morning OP. I hope you finally managed to sleep.

Full your day today. Make a plan for this evening. Lots of tips shared already.

Definitely look for EMDR or similar for your trauma.

When I was younger I would feel 'safer' in certain homes. When you come to buy your own you'll find one where you feel safe and make it home.

This is your subconscious mind doing it's best to protect you, because that's what it does, however it's working on old, outdated information from when you were a child which is no longer relevant. Hypnotherapy/remedial hypnosis could help pretty quickly - you should feel a change after one session.

I leave a couple of random lights on so from the outside you wouldnt be able to tell if anyone is still up or not. I have a bolt on my door and one of those wedges that sets off an alarm if anyone tries to open it. And my phone by the bed so I can use the time bought by the wedge snd bolt to dial 999. Not that I have any particular reason to be afraid but always have been. My fear is of waking up to someone already in the room.

You're not alone in feeling like this - I do too.
I'm a single parent, in my 30s, with 2 primary school aged children.
What helps me is to leave a lamp on downstairs, there's just enough glow when I'm upstairs that it's not pitch black when I open the bedroom door to go use the bathroom. I turn on every light when I need to go get something from downstairs or even just along the landing. I live in a semi detached house & convince myself that any slight noise is the neighbours (hoping it's not my DC waking up!) I agree with PP, easier to blame any noises on the cat, but we don't have one.
There are nights it's easier, but on nights when it's difficult, I put Friends on Netflix & usually nod off ignoring it.

It’s a trauma response and totally understandable. You are being incredibly brave facing your fears in this way. Continue with therapy if you can and also take some practical measures to make you feel safe. Has your bedroom got a lock? If not look at adding one or a door stop to prevent it being opened from the outside when you are in it. Make it as “safe” a space for you as you can. Cosy, nice lights, warm etc. and put something totally benign on the telly. Good luck xx

I’m not sure if this is good advice but what helped me was accepting that I will die tonight 😂. It’s a bit like my fear of flying, when I get on a plane I calmly accept that I’m about to die and then I’m so delighted when I land and I’m still alive. When I’m home alone at night I just try to think ok tonight’s the night I’m obviously going to die, no point fighting it, and then in the morning I’m like hurrah I’m still here!

I used to be terrified of sleeping at home alone when I was in my twenties.
I got through each night by leaving lights on and always having the radio on. And frequently getting up in the night to wander round the house checking each room.
It does get better OP. I'm much older now and I've lived alone now for many years and manage reasonably well. Having security cameras certainly helps me feel better.

Sorry that you have had those experiences. The good thing is you have said yourself that the fear starts to reduce once you have to spend a few nights alone. This means you will be able to get over this when you leave home.

There are two bits to this - the trauma from your childhood- not just the threat, but the chaos and the attachment difficulties from not living with your birth family.

Then the fear - which is perhaps a trauma response.

Therapy, for the first - which you’re doing.

In the immediate term - lots of great suggestions already. You could also challenge yourself to learn to knit/crochet (or similar) - the repetitive action with soothe your nervous system and keep your “thinking brain” in charge. Plus, if you get good at it, you’ll create some beautiful things out of your fear.

I feel the same OP. Dad died in the night when I was a child.donr even like being upstairs on my own with family downstairs! When I have been here alone all lights on .phone by me .warm milk and light tasty snacks. Nanny McPhee.101 dalmatian. The good life or similar. Go to bed when really tired. Maybe a hour later .a paracetamol to relax me.

I was the same op, I also grew up in an abusive household (not sure if there’s a connection ?) But yes I was terrified of ghosts and being raped or murdered.
I rarely slept alone and when I did I barely slept and kept the light on all night. I moved straight into my dp house when I moved out. The first time I was properly alone was when we split up. The first few nights I was terrified but then I got used to it . I just needed a bit of time to adjust. In recent years I did a mindfulness course and CBT to improve my mh I found both of those have helped my fears - the dark, wasps, flying. I am able to manage my thoughts better which means my body is less reactive. I also know people who have had positive experiences from hypnotherapy

You poor love.

I remember when I was a teenager worrying that I’d never be brave enough to live alone. But I have. But I didn’t have your horrible experience at 13.

A cat might help. And radio 4.

You’ve got this.