Child Free Weddings have always been normal - stop pretending otherwise

I almost never encounter them. I live in the American South where it's normal practice to invite children to weddings. One difference is that you're not expected to invite every child of every guest. For example DH and I invited children we were close to.

Things have changed though, in society and in the wedding industry. As little as 30 years ago, there were more SAHPs and retired grandparents around to provide childcare. Weddings were also a more local affair - ceremony at the parish church, then reception at the nearest function room, or hotel if you were posh 😂 nowadays we have no non-working relatives/friends to ask for childcare and the wedding is invariably in some stately home 150 miles away, because the couple met on tinder and their home towns are actually 300 miles apart, so the wedding location is a compromise that no one wants 😂

I can clearly remember being left in charge of my 3 younger siblings for the day when my parents attended an older cousins wedding, I was 14 so it would have been 1971. Siblings were 10,9 and 7
These days, when bride and groom are usually paying for their own wedding, they want their friends rather than extended family as guests, it is also more common to get married later so these friends most likely have children. In my own daughter’s case it was logistics. To invite them all meant 30+ children with all the associated costs. Not one guest declined their invite.

I think it's also that the type of wedding is changing from a Church wedding, or wedding in a hall with a buffet to a smaller, more intimate wedding often at a naice venue and much more expensive. They are both very different experiences. As I said earlier in my culture the child-free wedding wasn't a thing, so many were doing both, one for the family and one for the couple, but as time moves on I think it will start to be more just what the couple wants. I also think before it was more about big communities and get togethers, which is lovely but not necessarily what you want for your own special day.

I’ve got three kids I’ve been to many weddings where they have been invited and havnt been invited.

I had a similar reaction to a pp that when I said I couldn’t attend as all of my friends and family would be at a wedding including DH who was one of three (🙄) best ‘men’, I was met with utter disdain by the bride and groom for not attending and supporting them and my husband! Literally my whole family and friend group were there so I had to graciously bow out.

i never asked if the kids could come (they were young so a hasstle anyway), but I was met with a such quips as ‘she is so self involved’ ‘she is so precious about her children’. Not sure what options I had (wasn’t about to leave 3 young kids under 5 overnight with a stranger.

so I agree it goes both ways. If s child free or destination wedding for example is what the bride and groom want then it’s absolutely their choice, as long as they accept some people may not be able to attend.

Child free weddings are normal. As are weddings with children. Both ok, just different.

It’s not a recent trend, or a growing anti-child culture. It’s a preference that some couples have.

I got married 30 years ago. Almost all the weddings I went to in the 90s (including mine) were child free, so it’s definitely not a recent thing.

Mine too, but I had a childfree wedding. My cousins all went ape-shit, but if I invited all of the nephews and neices I would've had 20 under 5's. I decided to do something quite different to what is the norm and had a smallish (by my cultures standards) wedding on a vineyard. Everyone, including the oldies said it was the best wedding they had ever been to 😄 I like to think I paved the way, because there have been many other since then.

I've never been to a child free wedding, I would personally think it would seem strange without children at a family party but obviously would respect the couple's wishes (ours are late teens now though.

I think the difference though, is that some of the couples think that they can demand that people attend, and often when it involves travel as well, there's some really unrealistic expectations on parents of young children. So to expect your own sibling (who may not have trusted childcare because they are all attending the wedding) to drive 3 hours away for your wedding, and leave a 6 month old baby behind, is in my opinion selfish and unreasonable. Fine to HAVE the childfree wedding if that's what you want, but you can't also demand that parents of young children must attend.

I’m in my mid 40s now and the first wedding I went to was when I was 18 because everyone up until then was either married before I was born or they had child-free weddings.

Our own wedding was child-free other than bridal party simply because it would have been impossible to find somewhere large enough that we could afford. We married in our early 30s so by then almost everyone we knew had at least one child (most had multiple). DH’s dad was the youngest of many so we didn’t even have space for all of his first cousins (most of them were more ages with my parents and had grandchildren by then too). If we had invited absolutely everyone and their kids we would have gone from a guest list of 60 up to at least a couple of hundred. Out of the ones we did invite it would have been double with their children as it was.

However we weren’t dicks about it to anyone who couldn’t make it as a result. A lot of them had to travel a couple of hours anyway so some of them couldn’t make it simply because of that or work schedules and we understood both situations as we’ve been there in the past ourselves.

Best weddings are those where all the important people from your life are there from children and friends to crazy relatives you don’t see that often.To me it’s about declaring your love and commitment to each other in front of your ‘village’ and they are in turn declaring their support for you both and celebrating your union.

I think people seeing it as an adults only celebration is in line with people becoming more isolated / moving away from a sense of community and turning inwards. That’s sad imo.

I don’t have an opinion, either way. Before or after I had a kid.
I’ve enjoyed most weddings, but I’ve never noticed whether children are present or not. It’s made no difference to the do.

In my culture I'd be an absolute pariah if I said no kids at the wedding! But I don't have an issue with others saying so, as long as they don't have an issue with guests declining if the childcare arrangements (or lack thereof) don't work.

I think lots to do with weddings are so area specific as well.

Here it's the norm to have evening guests. Nobody bats an eyelid and it's more expected that if you're a cousin or friend, but not bestie, that you'll be invited at night only.

Most weddings at the church still have a scramble after. Kids are a bit disappointed if they see wedding cars and there isn't one. The first time SIL saw that she was horrified as she'd never heard of it and was genuinely frightened when she saw kids running toward the road.

Ever been to an Asian wedding - in Asia? Never ever ever heard of the concept there - ever. Yes - I’m from there.

Child free weddings are not the norm at all and have only become a recent trend with this growing anti child culture brewing esp In the U.K. There are multiple cultures within British society that a child free wedding is completely unheard of.

the children could come down from the nursery to see the ceremony / speeches if they wanted. older kids came down to play in the garden and then went up later in the evening to snooze in front of a movie while parents could dance. parents could go up to the nursery as needed (I had a 3 year old and 8 week old). It gave flexibility for families to join in but without the kids overwhelming the party.

Ah I see, sorry I didn't read that properly. Clearly that person was vvvvUR and you are probably better without them.

That would all be fine if the couple, and immediate family, knew that an invite wasn't a summons.

Try not going to your princess of a sister's wedding because it's child free - you're the worst in the world for letting her down; going to just the wedding ceremony isn't enough; leaving your husband at home with the baby isn't on, as your BIL gets on with him; your Mum gets involved and wants you to do what your sister asks for the sake of family peace, as usual.

So, it's really not always a simple matter of saying no thanks, can't make it without bringing the baby.

What was the reason though, was it that you had very young children and genuinely couldn't go or you couldn't be bothered making any effort like so many on here? I don't know why Literally everyone that had ever looked after my girls was invited to the wedding has to do with anything?

I had an invite to a wedding when my DC was young, so DH stayed at home and I went alone. I agree though, if it's not possible then the B&G should accept it, and not talking to you ever again is an extreme reaction so perhaps there was more to it?

It was literally that I couldn't go.

My ex was away with the military, as I said, so he couldn't have them. His family lived in Australia so couldn't mind them. Both sides of my family were going since I was related to both the bride and groom. My friends were going.

Literally everyone who could have looked after my girls was going so I couldn't go since there was strictly no children allowed.

There was no more to it other than to her I should have just found "someone"

I've been going to weddings since the 1970s when I was a child myself. It's only in the last 15 years or so that I've encountered child free weddings.

A wedding where children are completely out of the way for the whole evening does sound pretty good! Almost as good as a totally child free wedding