Child Free Weddings have always been normal - stop pretending otherwise

I think @ARichtGoodDram probably has it and it accounts for the divergence in recollection.

I’m in my 50s and didn’t attend a wedding until I was adult, however my background is prosperous middle class and my parents’s friends weddings and later mine were usually church followed by a sit down wedding breakfast in a hotel or catered marquee in the garden and maybe a disco later. When the law changed to allow weddings to take place outside of churches or registry offices there was an explosion in country house or castle weddings.

My husband is working class and his first wedding was church followed by a buffet in a local Social Club with a disco and all his friends did similar, - registry or church followed by church hall or local social club. There were no children outside immediate family at his wedding but I think children were more common at that sort of do because it was a lot more informal and the couple or their parents weren’t paying £80 per head for a sit down wedding breakfast. Now most people have what would have been considered a fancy wedding and spend a small fortune. Children are bored by a three or four course sit down meal followed by speeches. Weddings are very long days for adults, never mind children.

Weddings are big events and people’s feelings are likely to get hurt around who and who isn’t included. I’ve seen more brides and grooms throw fits over parents declining than the other way around. But seeing as the OP has declared all shall cheerfully carry on, we are now sorted.

I agree with @ARichtGoodDram . As long as the B & G don’t get stroppy if a parent has to decline the invitation because they have a young baby or can’t get childcare, that’s fine.

Tbh if a guest had a baby under one, I’d just assume that they couldn’t come unless they brought the baby, could stay at the venue, and tag team with their partner.

Back in the day (pre 2000s) kids knew their place, that being, second place to adults, and could attend adult events respectfully and quietly so there was no need to exclude them, it was a given that if they attended they would behave and that the parents would parent them as appropriate for an adult event.

These days parents think that every adult social event is a jungle gym, kids rule the roost, every parent thinks their child is the starring role in every social situation and kids routinely interrupt adults talking, run around adult events screaming and shouting and knocking stuff over whilst their passive parents watch on doing absolutely nothing to control their behaviour which makes the event fucking unbearable for every other adult.

Don't even get me started on kids (and dogs) in adult pubs and restaurants!!!

No exactly that’s up to them if they don’t want to live a life outside of their children. No judgement at all but some will expect others to feel the same and they just don’t.

Fair enough, it's not normal in my culture and not the norm yet, but it's becoming more popular. In my culture we have 100s or more likely 1000s of guests so it's not exactly a subdued event so a few extra kids or guess don't really change the dynamics or cost 😆
ETA forgot to quote your response to mine OP

Oh absolutely and I have had that drama but for me if they are willing to cause drama over something like that then they are definitely not worth my time or effort anyway.

I agree! But the number of people here who get drama from their families over it shows it's a problem for some.

So I have always been bought up with child free weddings around me. I had children at my wedding but that’s only because I have 5 of my own and they would have got bored with no other children there. I only had nieces and nephews though I didn’t allow for everyone to bring their children.

I think people make their kids the absolute centre of their universe. They don’t realise you can love your children more then anything but still have a really good time without them (some times a better time imo) other peoples kids can be very annoying but some parents don’t see that. I know my kids are and I would absolutely grab a child free wedding invite with both hands. You’re right, some people are just very entitled when it comes to their little darlings

edited to add if if children were invited I still think I would get child care because I’m entitled to have a fun day/evening without them.

30 years ago I had a child free wedding - they aren't a new thing. There was only one couple invited who declined but although I sometimes wonder if we should have said "Oh go on then" . They were fine and it was a v small wedding - just the ceremony and a restaurant afterwards. I can also remember being invited to a wedding where there was a table of work colleagues . The bride was worried we would take offence if no spouses or partners were invited. None of us or any spouse or partner took offence.

I do think, with others, there is a time for getting over yourself. Weddings are expensive. Be thankful if you have been invited , even if to the evening do ( which in my case I did not have ) but if it doesn't suit you decline promptly and don't make a fuss.

Maybe it is just me but the whole should I be offended re wedding invitation etc threads - Just accept or decline - it really is that simple (to me) No-one is going to mind if you can't take 3 days off work or can't afford to fly to Italy etc. & If they do - that's their problem.

But then no-one in my circle of friends had a hen do or a stag do abroad in expensive locations. My age or my circle of friends - don't know. We didn't go in for baby showers either but I will probably regret mentioning that 😂

It may not have always been the norm, but is more becoming the norm. No one wants to go to a wedding with kids running around, that's what kids parties are for. And let's face it, as parents we avoid those if we can.

No.1 isn't true. Yabu.

Absolutely no one can “demand” you attend their wedding. They send an invite of where and whether kids are invited or not and it’s up to you to respond with a yes or no. If they don’t like the answer then that’s a them problem but can’t demand you attend in any way shape or form

Did you actually just type all of that out and then quote it so we had to scroll past it all again? 😂

Absolutely fine if you can cheerfully decline, because it's too much of a faff to get childcare.

I'm not a big fan of weddings (expensive & boring), but in my 30s I was on the sharp end of other people's hurt feelings more than once because they wanted xh &/or me/both to attend but not the dc.

One of his mates threw an almighty strop once because xh proposed to skip the stag do (I was due to give birth that weekend) & also only attend the ceremony & reception for the actual wedding (we would have had 3dc under 5, including a newborn, & I was perfectly happy to wave him off, to be fair). There was sulking & incomprehension as to why we wouldn't just park the 3 of them, including the breastfed new addition, on 70yo MIL for a long weekend.

Child free wedding? Lovely. Would be my preferred option, honestly. I don't like other people's kids very much.

But logistics are going to limit other people's availability & willingness to attend, & you need to take that on the chin.

Yes. Because it has to be a royal wedding if you don’t have children there, and if you don’t you don’t REALLY UNDERSTAND LOVE for £30k sure. Well glad you liked that one wedding you went to.

One difference is that you're not expected to invite every child of every guest. For example DH and I invited children we were close to.

I think this is where there are big differences.

DH comes from a huge family. PIL were one of 15 and one of 9. His paternal grandparents were both one of 14. So the number of Aunts and uncles is huge, and the number of cousins is ridiculous.

It's perfectly acceptable in their families to invite the people you're closer with. You can invite two of Mary's children, one of Peter's and none of Dave's and nobody cares. It's also seen as perfectly acceptable to invite 10 cousins without their partners, whereas in my family (and often on MN) inviting without a partner would go down like a lead balloon. Inviting some cousins and not others would be like a declaration of war for some of mine 😂

You found an American site…

IME, Scottish and the like, there weren’t any. And I imagine that’s true for everyone from Scots to Sikhs. There are some places where the whole village came, everyone.

Everyone can do as they like, but don’t pretend it’s the norm.