Snooty Mums leaving DD out

School holidays have started for sure. 🙄

So you have an issue with all the mums in school and everyone in the town too?

The whole town is snooty? Like some kind of Stepford wives situation?

I'd move, if I were you. To somewhere where the people have some kind of autonomy.

I put YABU only because you will make things worse if you "challenge" them. Most parents will facilitate a playdate with a kid that their DC really likes, even if they don't want to be best friends with the parents. But if you have a go at them, you will mark yourself as someone to avoid.

It sucks when your child is being left out but you can't make people be friends with you. Take a deep breath and offer one-on-one playdates as a way for your DD to connect.

You sound very prejudiced and judgmental. Maybe have a look at that first.

Good question, have you invited them and thry have deliberately said no? Do thry genuinely have something against you or have you just thought that

Have you invited any of the kids for play dates?

Are you not friendly with ANY of the other parents? Don’t have any numbers from party invites etc? I can’t believe your DD has not attended any event at all.

Some of the mums at my DS’s primary school were a bit cliquey and seemed to scorn any attempts to join in. But others were absolutely lovely. You only need a friend or two and you soon start to talk to others.

Have you tried to make an effort to socialise and make connections with individual people?

I see this a lot on MN. People are rarely ‘snooty’ en masse. They may be more socially confident, willing to make an effort to organise things, or part of a friendship group that happened to be already established. People are usually very open to making new friendships with people who are (1) friendly and (2) regularly crossing their path to chat with.

Don’t challenge them. Stop writing them all off and make an effort to connect with them if you want your DD to be more involved.

How is not being invited being left out? I hope you dont project whatever you have going on to your child this whole school parent thing makes me think parents become whatever weird children they were at school themselves, it seriously cant be normal

Which town?

Do you mean for whole family get togethers? If you do, I’d say it’s normal to organise social events with families where the most people match up iyswim. So the mums are friends, rhe dads are friends, all the kids are friends. Normal.

if you mean they are all friends at school but of a weekend, the kids are having a play date and are just inviting all the other friends over and not your dd, then yes that’s weird.

I've never understood his mentality if I'm honest.

Kids make friends with other kids if they like them, and not just because their parents socialise together.

I don't think my mum knew a single parent at my primary school, but it never stopped me making friends.

Have you got any concrete examples?

It’s a bit hard to believe every single other mum is ‘snooty’ and that they’re all actively working to exclude your daughter. There can be, sadly, a group of parents at schools who can be inclined to exclude others but it’s rare, I would say, to be so all encompassing.

I think the issue is probably that they just can't see you because of that giant chip you have on your shoulder. If you thought nicer things about the friend's parents they might be more comfortable inviting your DD over. Most people can sense when someone dislikes them.

It could be that they are just very normal people, with very normal lives but that you have made up this whole scenario in your head because it is easier to place the blame on all the other children and parents than to look at yourself. If they are truly friends then they will invite your DD, but not if you are hostile towards their parents.

I completely get you OP - the feeling of injustice/unfairness at a child being excluded. Probably not quite the same but one of my DC is a bit quirky/different, and though he has lots of friends at school and is very sweet and no trouble, I can tell the snooty mums (not the children) judge him, leave him out of social occasions and don’t respond to play date invites. I don’t experience the same exclusion with my other extremely confident and more socially acceptable presenting child.

Have you invited children round for play date and invested in becoming friends with some of these mums? People are usually quite responsive to good energy and initiating hanging out or activities. And invite them over.
If you want to be part of it you’ll have to become friendly with them. Playground politics.

All school mums are in a group, so it's a class group? Have you asked to be added?

Nowhere near enough info to go on here. How old is your DD? Surely her friends should be deciding whether to invite her to things, not their mothers?

Is it her friends or their mothers leaving her out?

At primary school age a lot of meet ups of children revolve around the mums being friends too, snooty or not. How do you know your dd is being left out? Is your dd aware? Do you have a chip on your shoulder? because calling a whole town snooty suggests you may do. Maybe that's the issue.