10 year old snubbed at wedding

People who care more about a stupid photo than the feelings of their friends/family are absolutely pathetic.

@ProvoPrincess I hope your dh calls out your mil for doing that!!!

Do you have much to do with these people in general, OP? If not, then sod it - you did the right thing and your daughter will remember it.

You are not being unreasonable OP. As PP have said, there was nothing stopping them from having your daughter in one of the photos to make her feel included. Ignore the snarky comments.

Bollocks are they afraid, they're trying to have a dig via a CHILD which makes the aunt pretty pathetic.

Times like this you have to be the better person. To cry infront of your kids at a wedding over photos is crazy.
Yes silently fume but that is it.
You should've taken the 10yr old for a coke and distracted her.

I get why you’re upset, and morally they were wrong. But should you and your dh split in the future, chances are, as he hasn’t adopted her, he would have no rights to see her again, and by extension that would include his family. So I guess there is always going to be that aspect that plays out in their heads. Personally I would have included her though in the photos.

That is so unfair of the aunt

This comment smacks of sarcasm, not fear.

The child wasn't upset until her mother brought her in to the other room and then started crying herself!

Everyone could have behaved better here. Don’t beat yourself up about it, I think it was unnecessarily mean (and also roll eyes at the bride and groom even caring about getting this photo to the extent they would exclude a child that is part of the family). The comment by the aunt the next day is so snarky you can’t dignify with a response.

The aunt is a snide twat.

Unnecessary snarky comment from the aunt 🙄 trying to get at you through a child - pathetic!

You did nothing wrong, you are entitled to be upset at them making a big deal about your child being from a previous relationship. Don't feel bad.

I'm not sure if it's because we have adoption in our family, plus people taking on other roles (eg Grandma bringing up the grandchildren in the role of mum) but I don't get the "not blood relations" thing. Your oldest is their family, however that came about.
Would it help if your partner adopted her?

So even you know how unreasonable you’ve been. Were you drunk?

Time to call MIL and apologise.

When you have children with different dads, they will always have different families. It’s a choice you and your DH made, not those distant relatives. They are kind enough to include her and not make her feel awkward, but unfortunately you have.

A pp is right. You will need to think ahead to future events. Inheritance from his side of there is any they are going to differences. Future funding help possibly with weddings, uni, big gifts.

I disagree that just because op and her dh married that makes ops child just as much family. Just because her dh accepted her daughter fully the rest of the family had no say or choice and as long as they are generally polite and nice, Christmas gift and card, birthday card and gift that’s all that can and should be expected more is the lovely to have.

YANBU. Who cares that much about these pictures that it’s worth upsetting a child. So what if she’s in it.

Sorry but YABU OP. Your daughter’s stepdad’s cousin doesn’t need to see her as family.

Your husband does, and his family wanted her to attend because they like her. But you can’t force distant relatives to rewrite history to suit you.

YABVU to cry in front of the children and upset them.

That's a huge assumption to make. My DH has always said that if we ever split he would still want to see my DS. In fact, he said (jokingly) he would want custody of DS!

The point is, you've jumped to an unfounded assumption.

OP is right to be hurt. Once she married her DH, her DC is much a part of the family as anyone else and a child shouldn't have been treated like that.

I don't think she should have cried and made a scene necessarily, just taken her children and left.

I'm sorry you're upset but what happened was acceptable. They wanted a photo with their grandchildren. Presumably she's usually welcomed, as you haven't said otherwise in your op.

It would have been nicer to have had some pics with your DC and some without.

My DS is veeeeery close to his step GD but I/he would have no issue with them having pics with just step FIL's actual GC at a wedding etc, although I would hope for him to have a separate pic of the two of them, maybe MIL should have had a pic with her and both your kids which she could have put up.

It doesn’t sound like the ten year old was particularly aware of what was going on tbh.

The relationship between the MIL and her granddaughter vs her step granddaughter are different things - and that is something which will become apparent at various points throughout life. I don’t think you can automatically expect the MIL to treat these two children exactly the same - one is her blood relative, one isn’t.

My nanna was like this. She’d say she had x amount of grandchildren and then state the ‘illegitimate’ ones afterwards. Bar the famous illegitimate grandchild. That one was acceptable as he was famous. It’s so awful and unfair. My mum is also like this now. My eldest child was conceived before I was married. They are not worthy of her time but my youngest child is. Neither of my children now see her. I’m so sorry you've had to experience this.