10 year old snubbed at wedding

No but it is awful and weird. There arw some lovely accepting posters on this thread. It is heartwarming.
Others should be ashamed making any child feel left out because BLOOD. Jeez!

Ummmm no it isn’t akin to that at all. But well done on Godwins law realisation.

I agree with you here. Unfortunately you made it about you and your feelings. Your kids know why you were upset and why you were crying. It was a wedding so you needed to let it go in the moment.

I understand why you were upset but your reaction was VERY strong. I think as someone else said you probably made your daughter feel bad or upset by your reaction instead of the picture.

I get the politics of this, and what some people might and might not want. But ultimately it was devious and mean. Taking one child off and telling the other to go inside. They knew exactly what they were doing and that it was underhand, and that you wouldn’t like it. Shitty behaviour - you lost either way but both your daughters saw you stand up for right over wrong and be inclusive regardless of making someone uncomfortable - well done you

So now you're letting them embarrass and gaslight you?

They did something shitty to a child.

Don't let them wriggle out of it.

I have step children and grandchildren and they’re all equal as far as I’m concerned.

To treat them less favourably because they aren’t ‘blood’ relatives is akin to Nazi Germany and the supposed superiority of the Aryan race.
Bloody pathetic!

They've been in her life since she was 3, and before her Dsis was born, but they send her away for a family photo?

They sound like twats, honestly.

Blood is not the only thing that makes family.

I included everyone in my wedding photos. Now I have pictures with all my nieces and nephews which include 2 children I will never see again because of a split, in my other photos I have their mum too, again I won’t ever see her again. For me it’s not a big deal, I’m was never overly bothered about my wedding photos. Others feel differently,

How long have they been together? How often do you see them? From what age?

Yanbu. There's a stepchild in my family (step nephew to me) and he's included in all group pictures.

It sounds like they knew you wouldn't like it as well and tried to do it behind your back.

I’m not sure you reacted in the best way possible but that doesn’t mean your underlying instinct is wrong.

You and your DH need to be aligned but given how young your eldest was when you got together and the absence of their wider bio family I’d say treat both the same or don’t see either. No one has a “right” to photos of my kids so either have them both or neither.

This was a deal breaker for me though as we lost DH/DD’s dad in an accident when she was 2 months and was discussed with both DH and in-laws before we were married a bit and properly before we had another together.

Luckily my ILs are great and love me and all DCs as much as anyone in family.

I don’t think you handled the situation well in the moment.

But equally MIL and her sisters sound horrible. I just can’t fathom the mindset of wanting to exclude a child who their son/nephew loves as his own for the sake of some bloody pictures. As someone said upthread would they have excluded an adopted child?

I wouldn’t be rushing into an apology. When you are calm and the dust has settled you could say you regret the way you handled the situation. However you should stick to your guns that excluding eldest without warning was really poor form.

Totally. And if I'd seen how upset someone was about a situation I wouldn't want to recreate it so would check the younger child was allowed to be part of the next interaction without her older sister. I don't think the aunt was being snide at all.

Agree, in front of her other (presumably totally bewildered) children.

My son lives with a woman who has two children. I have NO grandchildren!! I can't believe anyone in their right minds would imagine I do have.

Yes. You fall out with people, you lose touch, new people come into your life, sadly people pass away.

I treasure my wedding photos because it was a perfect moment and a perfect day - and the people in the photos were the people there on the day. If I were to have another wedding (not happening, love my husband, and vow renewals are out of our price range at the moment) I would have a different guest list - some would be the same, some absent, some new.

The ten year old was unbothered until her mum made a scene.

Well both can be true. I mean if the op has to shout her child away from a mere photo and then broke down crying I’d be pretty scared of what would set her off next.

My MIL is exactly like you.
She has 3 biological grandchildren from DH’s sister, and then my 3 from my previous marriage.
She treats all 6 of them exactly the same.

People always use the "well what if a child was adopted" as if it is a massive gotcha when it's entirely different.

An adopted child legally becomes part of the adoptive family. A step child has their own birth family. It is not the MIL's fault that this 10 year old does not see her biological family. It is entirely unreasonable for the OP to expect to erase history and for all these adults to kid on that the 10 year old is just the same as the other biological grandchildren, however OP wants to create that scenario.

It's not the child's fault she is in this situation either though and getting the grandchildren together for a photo could have been handled with more tact and diplomacy to protect her feelings.

It's a shame you reacted in that way. Your daughter may not have noticed at all if you hadn't. Your 10 year old is obviously included in family events . I don't see anything inherently wrong with the family having a photograph with their grandchildren . Your daughter isn't their grandchild. They appear to love and care for her so if you had just accepted it raised your eyebrows to yourself and just carried on, there would have been none of this drama.

It’s shitty behaviour. What if you and your husband adopted a child? Would they be excluded because they’re not blood?

You have nothing to feel embarrassed about.

I would feel the same as you.

Have you posted about your frustration at your husbands family not accepting your older daughter before?

Why were your children upset if they thought you were ill? Have you spoken to MIL since?