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Original poster

10 year old snubbed at wedding

412 replies

ProvoPrincess · 22/07/2025 19:36

DH has raised my eldest since she was 3. She does not see her biological family,

DH’s cousin got married at the weekend. It was a perfect day up until the early evening.

All the kids were playing together outside when all of a sudden my ten year old appeared next to me inside. I asked where her sister was and she replied that she had been taken off by one of DH’s cousins and told her to come in.

I went to investigate, not that I thought she was in danger or anything but I just wanted to know.

Mother-in-Law and her sisters were having official photographs with their proper grandchildren.

Something came over me and I called out to my youngest daughter to come to me. As I was approaching group a cousin’s partner said to wait a bit as they wanted a group photo of all the sisters with grandchildren. I just grabbed my daughter.

I tried to find my husband but he was in another outside space and it turned out he had been in a photo immediately before I had come out. I went back to the room and just cried in front of both kids. I pretended I was ill.

DH couldn’t understand why they didn’t include my eldest but MiL’s eldest sister just said I had ruined something special.

I am angry, upset and also full of shame and embarrassment.

OP posts:
TourdeFrance2025 · 22/07/2025 22:37

ProvoPrincess · 22/07/2025 20:00

I made a complete and utter idiot of myself and upset my children.

At Breakfast my eldest was subdued while youngest ran to fuss over the aunt’s great grand child. The aunt said to my five year old to ask your mum if you’re allowed,

They are the gift that keeps giving aren't they. Bitch!

Thedoorisalwaysopen · 22/07/2025 22:34

It's not OP who should have acted here, it's her husband. He should not have allowed this to happen.
And he should be adopting OP's oldest daughter so they can truly be a family. Imagine if he and OP died in the same accident. Would his estate only go to 'his' children then?

TourdeFrance2025 · 22/07/2025 22:32

AntiHop · 22/07/2025 19:54

I'm sorry you're upset but what happened was acceptable. They wanted a photo with their grandchildren. Presumably she's usually welcomed, as you haven't said otherwise in your op.

No it wasn't.

OP's DH & his family are the only Dad, Gran etc that she's ever known & she's been part of the family 7 years, since she was 3. Longer than the younger sister!

Blood Is NOT what makes someone family.

would you say the same if she was adopted?

@ProvoPrincess

small minds often struggle, pity them.

It's a horrible thing to do to a child. It's something you never forget & you never feel the same again.

Tough Shit if they think you 'spoilt the moment'. YOU didn't, they did!

Oneday24 · 22/07/2025 22:19

Well done op for sticking up for your daughter, I’d have done the same! This is her family regardless of blood and they behaved awfully.

NightPuffins · 22/07/2025 22:19

You were wrong to make a scene about this at someone’s wedding, when none of the children seemed to have been upset about it in the moment.

What harm would it have done, really, to allow the grandmother and her sisters to have that photo of them with their grandchildren together? You did ruin something that was special to them. It’s not like they were going to print it and give a copy to your eldest daughter.

This same issue comes up often on threads here. The thing is, just because your partner has chosen to be a father to your daughter, doesn’t mean all of his relatives will feel, or want to feel, the same way.

Renoonabudget · 22/07/2025 22:18

You shouldn't feel ashamed OP, maybe you DH should though if he doesn't have your back. In-laws sound like a right set of twats, how dare they say that to your 5 year old and use her as an insult go between. Fucking bastards.

JanetareyouokareyouokJanet · 22/07/2025 22:03

Good for you OP. You may feel like you made a drama but it was just an instant reaction. What they did was pathetic and showed their true colours. Why do people have this obsession with blood relatives. You shouldn’t exclude children.

Flossflower · 22/07/2025 21:59

ProvoPrincess · 22/07/2025 20:00

I made a complete and utter idiot of myself and upset my children.

At Breakfast my eldest was subdued while youngest ran to fuss over the aunt’s great grand child. The aunt said to my five year old to ask your mum if you’re allowed,

Please don’t beat yourself up. They were doing a horrible thing. I would just be pleased you ruined their photo.

gradygals · 22/07/2025 21:58

My Son had 2 with his ex wife; he married again and she had 2. Daughter had 3. They all used to come for a meal to ours. During the meal, afterwards in the garden they all messed about together. Any stranger seeing them wouldn't be able to say who was not "blood". Lots of teasing, playing, laughter. I was so proud of them all, including parents, not making it us and them. Just all of us one "family" occasion.

Missj25 · 22/07/2025 21:57

ChristOlive · 22/07/2025 20:03

So even you know how unreasonable you’ve been. Were you drunk?

Time to call MIL and apologise.

When you have children with different dads, they will always have different families. It’s a choice you and your DH made, not those distant relatives. They are kind enough to include her and not make her feel awkward, but unfortunately you have.

Show quote history

“Time to call mil & apologise “ Are you actually for real ?????, or maybe one of those awful Adult Aunts …
OP has said her husband has brought up her daughter as his own since she was 3 ..
Shitty , shitty behaviour at that wedding towards a 10 year old child , OPS husband couldn’t understand why they did that ..
To make the child feel as though she isn’t family , when she is ..

OP stop feeling bad , you’ve nothing to feel bad for .. x

DipsyDee · 22/07/2025 21:57

OP do not waste another single minute
feeling embarrassed or ashamed and certainly do not apologise. The shame is on your MIL and her vile sister.

hazelowens · 22/07/2025 21:57

When my now partners mother died we had been together 4 yrs and when they read out her children's names then the grandchildren they added my 3 didn't say step grandchildren, I think I cried more at that point than anywhere in the funeral.

My partner on a Friday always takes a Friday night selfie with himself and my son to put on Facebook, they have done it for years. If my partner's son and dad are here he will take photos with my son included and some he isn't but he has always done it in a way that no one should feel left out.

I didn't know my big brother was actually my half brother till I was about 7 and did the maths and realised my mum was only 13 when he was born and still to this day if someone calls him my half brother they get told he is my brother

flippertygibbet4 · 22/07/2025 21:55

Do not apologise OP, you did nothing wrong xx

orangetree81 · 22/07/2025 21:53

bellamorgan · 22/07/2025 19:43

For peace sake they should have done one with your older child and one without.

Unemotionally it’s nice to have photos of family where you don’t have to worry about an ex boyfriend or ex wife or in this case ex step children, should relationships fail.

We have some lovely whole family photos including what are now very ex partners and it ruins those photos for the person who the ex was with. Our own wedding photo is one used from before quite a few of the elderly relatives died, dh’s sister hates it and fumes because her Ex is in it, she forced him in and now regrets that’s deeply considering the new husband and children.

Just wanted to pop in to say it would be really easy with current technology in Photoshop to remove people from photographs if you want to. Especially if it’s an otherwise important one.

BigOldBlobsy · 22/07/2025 21:52

MsNevermore · 22/07/2025 19:39

I’m sorry OP 😔😔 that’s fucking awful.

I can’t ever begin to try and understand how grown ass adults can behave like that and think it’s ok.
I’m furious for you 🤬

As above
Bloody awful conduct from grown adults. I hope your DC didn’t realise what had happened. They have a lot of apologies to make and reflecting to do
your DH needs to take the lead on this

YetiRosetti · 22/07/2025 21:48

Sorry, what?

OP, I think they should have included her in the photo, but I also think you overreacted. Had they not invited her to the wedding then yes thats worth getting upset about but the photo not so much.

KarmaKameelion · 22/07/2025 21:48

Have you posted before? I only ask as if so, your husbands family have done this before?

DipsyDee · 22/07/2025 21:46

ChristOlive · 22/07/2025 20:03

So even you know how unreasonable you’ve been. Were you drunk?

Time to call MIL and apologise.

When you have children with different dads, they will always have different families. It’s a choice you and your DH made, not those distant relatives. They are kind enough to include her and not make her feel awkward, but unfortunately you have.

Show quote history

The OP has NOTHING to apologise for

Robin67 · 22/07/2025 21:46

ShoeeMcfee · 22/07/2025 20:21

Do you have much to do with these people in general, OP? If not, then sod it - you did the right thing and your daughter will remember it.

If she doesn't have a lot to do with them ordinarily, perhaps it is more understandable why they don't perceive someone who is not related to them, by blood or adoption, as truly part of their family. My understanding of the post is that she (eldest) came inside, but not that she was specifically upset or feeling rejected. I don't think they "did it behind her back" either. Perhaps they were just being discreet so as to not cause upset. I personally would have done some with her as she is a half sister to the youngest, not a stepsister. But I still don't think they did anything wrong. Again, at breakfast, after OPs behaviour the night before, I too would be on eggshells around her, because to me this sounds like a disproportionate outburst.

Also, am I the only person who hated being posed for photos as a child. I can truly say that not being in a photo, even of family, at a wedding, aged 10, is not something that would have upset me.

Soulfulunfurling · 22/07/2025 21:45

244milesnorth · 22/07/2025 21:39

Your ten year old was oblivious until you made it about you and made a scene. Very embarrassing TBH

That is not right, it was shocking for op. It should never have happened in the first place. They should be apologising profusely to op.

DonnaBanana · 22/07/2025 21:44

No I am entirely with you on this. People who are picky over who should and shouldn’t be in photos have a personality disorder in my opinion. It’s a photo, not some sort of sacred ritual. Why anyone should care if a non blood grandchild or even a totally random child should be in a photo with 10+ other people is beyond me. Same goes for idiots who want to edit people out of the background of photos.. it’s called real life. Stop trying to create fake realities.

flippertygibbet4 · 22/07/2025 21:41

Hiptothisjive · 22/07/2025 21:25

I agree with you here. Unfortunately you made it about you and your feelings. Your kids know why you were upset and why you were crying. It was a wedding so you needed to let it go in the moment.

I understand why you were upset but your reaction was VERY strong. I think as someone else said you probably made your daughter feel bad or upset by your reaction instead of the picture.

Show quote history

I disagree. What happened to your DD was awful, mean and incredibly hurtful. What a dreadful thing for a group of adults to do to a child. You did nothing wrong, nothing at all. You were shocked and upset in the moment, as you had every right to be. You showed your daughters how to be strong when injustice happens. You are absolutely not in the wrong, please don't apologise and let them make you feel like you over-reacted. I'd be horrified and appalled if anyone treated my step neices this way. It just wouldn't ever happen. I hope you're ok and that your DH supports you.

244milesnorth · 22/07/2025 21:39

Your ten year old was oblivious until you made it about you and made a scene. Very embarrassing TBH

Soulfulunfurling · 22/07/2025 21:36

Op

You are not the one that should feel shame or embarrassment here. It is shocking. You were shocked and horrified. As anyone would be.

Robin67 · 22/07/2025 21:30

gotellsomeone · 22/07/2025 19:47

No, she can feel what she wants but it’s never acceptable to exclude and be cruel to a 10 year old child.

if your saying blood is the problem then she’s no less part of the family than cousins new wife /husband. There’s no reason she couldn’t be in the family photos.

Show quote history

In that vein, MIL can also feel what she wants. Personally, the half sister of my grandchild would also be family to me. It's not the same as an adult relationship which could deteriorate. They will always be siblings. But just because OP loves both girls equally, doesn't mean others will, or indeed have to. It sounds like a very unnecessary and dramatic outburst that surely will have highlighted or compounded any feelings that non-bio granddaughter had.