10 year old snubbed at wedding

I wonder how many grandmothers are smiling fondly at their “ blood relative” grandchildren not knowing that their sons are not the fathers of those children. More than a few I expect.

And if you don’t have enough space in your heart to love your step children you shouldn’t be marrying their parent.

Ahh OP be kind to yourself. Your mil and her sisters sound like t

That's an appalling attitude. My step-grandchildren are my grandchildren - they are even in my will on equal terms.

I think it was the way they handled it. You reacted out of shock. If they had explained before the occasion what photos they were planning you may have thought of it differently, In your position I would have been fuming also. I don’t think you need to apologise. They did not include a child and they are adults.

That makes me so angry. How dare they complain about what you did when they have behaved with rudness, insensitivity and plain bad manners. What a lot of oiks. I wouldn't bother with them any more.

I think you mean “oh dear what a bitch.”

Your in-laws are arseholes to exclude your 10 year old. Cannot believe the amount of people on here defending them.

They sound awful to exclude a child. When you enter a relationship with someone who has children you have to treat me equally. This is always been my fear that my child could be treated as an outsider

Do you really think the bride and groom were considering all of that when they told a 10 year old she can’t be in the photo?

it’s a photo of your wedding day. Nobody there should be able to ruin a photo by being in it. I just cannot fathom anybody caring enough to deliberately exclude someone. Are people really this precious about wedding pics?

There aren’t laws around family photos. “If you’re not blood you’re not coming in”??

its always their choice who they have in their wedding photos. They just chose to be pricks.

You don't stop being someone's adopted child if a relationship, like around half do, ends in divorce.

OP if you think being actual family is no different at all to being related by marriage, why didn't you insist in being in the photo with DH's sisters yourself? After all, you're as much a real sister to them as they are to each other aren't you? If not, why's it different from a child they're only related to by marriage?

I was the excluded child from time to time. I was the step child. Honestly myum used to get upset about these situations but I really didn't. It's ok for them to want pictures of them with their grandchildren.

As long as they don't exclude in other ways

I understand your initial reaction was one of hurt and shock and why you reacted as you did even if was probably not how you'd have acted if you had time to prepare.
I also think they should have done 2 photos but ultimately do agree that just because your husband treats her as his own , it's not automatic that his extended family will do likewise .

This will all blow over. Try not to let it damage otherwise good relationships.

I'm sorry you were upset, but I can see their POV too. I also think you upset your daughter, who otherwise wouldn't have cared, by taking it personally.

My DHs brother was in a LTR with a woman for about 6 years who had two kids (able 2 and 3 when they met iirc). My MIL loved them. They're in all the family pics as is the woman. But they're no longer together. Nothing went horribly wrong, the couple grew apart and she moved w kids to other side of the country. We won't see these kids again but they're in every picture of every gathering.

Whatever happens in the future, your MILs (actual) grandchildren will be her grandchildren. She can have relationships with them even if there's a huge family falling out, which, tbf, is much less common than a divorce.

Similar but different, my DB is a serial monogamist. About 4 LTRs one after another, he's 50 so let's say 8-12 years each average. They're always "the one". Married two of them. So every family picture can be dated not just by our fashion but by which of his girlfriend/wives are in them. Also causes issues with current gf not liking all the photos of ex wife around my parents house but what can you do! We don't have any "just family" ones as he insisted they be included.

Mixed feelings. I don't like upset children, but it's also rather distressing to grow to love step relatives, and then never see them again when the relationship breaks down. So I guess my question is, if you and your DH were to divorce would you be offering him contact with both children? Would he want it? Would he plan on given child support for both? Because if yes, then that is very much his child too, and the family should treat as such. If not? Mixed feelings, and would probably have suggested photos both with and without.

Exactly this. The OP should clarify who was in the previous photo because if it was her husband and just ‘his’ child in that photo, that completely changes the dynamics. And did he not notice only the blood children being gathered up and his elder child being sent inside?

Sorry OP but you made a drama out of it when you didn't really need to.
It wasn't your day to spoil.

God I hate shit like this, my dad’s wife did similar to my then 10 year old son on Christmas Day! She was my birthing partner and the first person to give him a bottle but told him to stand aside because she only wanted family in the photo. He was devastated and I could have killed her, my dad (eventually!!) divorced her but I never spoke to her again and I never had her around my child again.
It doesn’t matter who your in-laws see as family, you can’t single one child out, id be furious and I’d let her know why.

Anyone with any sense knows families come in all shapes and sizes, and that it’s unkind to make children feel less than, or left out.
In our family we include and celebrate everyone the same.
You need to really make DH recognise why this was awful. And he then needs to have a conversation with his family.
Until the family are on the same page with this very important issue, you should not have contact with them (or the kids). This needs to be resolved first so you can be sure your child won’t be hurt like this ever again.

Absolute pathetic teenage behaviour from grown ass adults. So sorry to hear this ❤️

I agree with this

This, exactly. Bluntly, if you and your husband split up, your MIL won’t have any ongoing connection with your child from a previous relationship.

My parents lost their hearts to my sister’s longterm partner’s children from his first marriage, as did she, but when they split, he didn’t even allow her to say goodbye to them. They were too young to stay in contact independently. My parents never saw them again, either, and were heartbroken.

She’s now married to someone else with children from his previous marriage, and they aren’t letting themselves get too attached.

It’s not the same.

OP’s husband took a photo with just his blood relatives too, if you bother to read the OP…

Disgusting behaviour on their part. There are children in my family who are not related to us by blood (one due to adoption and another as part of a step family) but nobody would ever dream of treating them differently to those who are blood related. Your instincts were right, I’d keep your distance from them in future.

They're not afraid to include the youngest! She was point scoring & pathetic!