10 year old snubbed at wedding

God I love that movie.

Bad example though, they weren't (even half) siblings - at least I hope not given that they hooked up! 😂

Reminds me of this line from Clueless 🙂

A lot of people have been saying it is the same as random ex boyfriends in family photos. It isn't as they aren't blood relatives and OP's dh has brought up her eldest from the age of 3. She will see him as her dad. Not the same as an ex boyfriend at all. A decent person won't ditch a child they've brought up

Don't apologise OP, they were in the wrong. People who say that your child was unaware, well, children do sense these things, they DO notice even though they may not be able to articulate how they feel.

The siblings probably would (depending on age and circumstances). But DH's family still probably wouldn't see the unrelated child so what the siblings might do between themselves, or how their parents might facilitate that, isn't really relevant.

OP is the mother and blood relative to the "proper grandchild." Her eldest is half sibling and blood relative to the "proper grandchild." Her dds will view each other as full siblings.
It's not the same as random ex partners. There's no reason to think the siblings would never see each other again if the parents split.

Everyone’s place is conditional—families break up and exclude blood relatives all the time.

Just because people want to mix children in all these relationships doesn't mean everyone else will go along with it, yes in an ideal world everything would happen the way we want it too but that is not how life works

No one seems to think of children when blended families happen it always seems to be how it works for the adults

It's still what usually happens.

She wasn't snubbed OP, quit the dramatics, it's like when you have a group picture of adult cousins and only long term partners and spouses are in it. Otherwise you get shitty when they break up and you now have some random in your family picture. It's ok not to be in every photo

This!! MN is batshit. Especially when usually they don't expect a female to do anything for the stepkids, then it's outrage if they're not in a photo 🙄

He could adopt her? I would feel differently about my BILs ex- step-kids if he had adopted them. I assume we would still see them as he would have parental rights.
But mostly, if relationships break down, the step-parent has little to no further contact and the step- parent's extended family has none.

This concept can't come as a surprise to OP given that her ex-partner who is actually the father of her child has no contact with them any more?

Agree with you completely, but it does happen in the majority of cases in RL.

I think it’s really hideous that so many people are saying it would be normal for the husband to raise a child he entire life and then cut and run if he splits from her mother. If that is true then he isn’t a Dad at all.

Adopted children are not the same as stepchildren. Adopted children are your children/grandchildren whatever. Stepchildren are not. They are in-laws. They are there by proximity to your/your child’s/sibling’s spouse - they have another parent and another family who they may or may not see, but who exist, and as with all in-laws if the marriage ends so does the proximity to spouse’s family. It doesn’t seem to me that cruel to have one photo with grandchildren. The reason that the children are upset about this is because OP has some obviously quite deep seated unresolved feelings about the reality that her eldest is not her DH’s child. It is not on anyone else to resolve that for her.

My brother didn't have children of his own, because his wife already had DC of her own (totally absent bio dad). He didn't think it would be fair to his step-children or any future bio children. He also already knew that our parents wouldn't accept his step-children as their grandchildren (they haven't) and that would have been amplified if he'd had DC of his own - a mess he didn't want to create.

Those step-children have children of their own now, and he has no regrets. The step-children are great people - I don't know them well, but well enough - and the step-grandchildren I've met are just delightful. But even to me, after over 20 years, they're not his. I keep my thoughts and opinions to myself, but in my mind they're very much SIL's children and grandchildren, and "just" beloved and cherished members of my brother's family.

I have nothing but respect and admiration for the choices he's made, the husband and step-father he's been. I couldn't do it. It would have been too hard for me.

This is vile! This is the only family this little girls knows. What a disgusting way to make her feel less than.

People who treat adopted or stepchildren as other are so gross to me.

This. Sorry she's not the granddaughter and it's perfectly reasonable for her not to be included in all the photos.

it’s disgusting. as a stepchild, on my stepmother’s side ive been not invited or included in weddings as a child even up to an adult & let me tell the rejection does not go away. the pain is not so evident now as a mum to kids of my own but it still stings.
i had half siblings and we were so close in and i remember at xmas and easters my siblings who were there ‘real’ grandchildren would get lots of expensive gifts and i would have to sit there and say thankyou for my £1 bag of sweets. thought counts yes but if it were my decision. i would have preferred them to do the whole thing with them when j wasn’t around. people are horrible and they don’t deserve to have w single with their real grandchild if they’re going to exclude their other siblings!

its disgusting & u should confront the ringleader of this behaviour.

I agree with this. I know people who would have liked to have children with their partner, but just couldn't alter the dynamics in the family, so didn't do it. People seem quite cavellier about this on the whole.

So if you and your partner got divorced would your daughter go and spend time with that family ? Would he still take her out and have the same relationship with her and he does his child? You have got to consider these things. You need your kids to be treated equally but his extended family don't have an equal relationship with her, and you can't force it. You could have just said 'is it ok if we do one with daughter 1?' then had a token picture at the end.

Is there no end to some peoples unkindness. To do this to a child, in my opinion is unforgivable. I’m so very sorry this happened on what was meant to be a day of celebration.

Don’t regret! You did the absolute best thing you could for your children in that moment. It was the actions of family that was divisive and at breakfast it’s evident that they absolutely didn’t see the error of their ways. You have given your daughters a standard that needs to be met, that they should not be divided.

im fortunate that my family doesn’t exclude step children as I have two. I would be as assertive as you were if this situation occurred.

your husband now needs to step up and manage his family and hold that standard.

This is completely nuts.

The aunt is a cunt.