DS16 came home drunk at 5am

"He reeked of vodka and something else I couldn’t even place" - this is something else that stood out to me - when my family member was using in the 'party and play' scene, he always had a very distinct smell about him - it was sweet and odd and unlike anything else.

OP I'm so sorry you're going through this. This is all feeling a little too close to some kind of drug induced behaviour or even psychosis to rule out.

His behaviour seems irrational and like it jumps from one extreme to another - when my family member was in drug induced psychosis (he's gay and had been involved in chemsex) we couldn't predict his next move even if there was a million pounds on the line. It was too irrational.

His psychosis lasted a couple of days at a time and then he would sleep for what seemed like days and be absolutely starving afterwards. He would be aggressive and then tearful and then laughing his head off. Time of day didn't occur to him. It was sometimes uncanny though, not always outwardly obvious.

Even if it isn't that, I would encourage you to just familiarise yourself with the concept of chemsex, the abbreviations used for it on Grindr and the drugs involved in it, it can quickly take over someone's life even if they think they're just having fun, especially a vulnerable teen. Familiarise yourself just so that you're not on the back foot.

I really hope you get to the bottom of this, sending strength and solidarity your way.

He went to A&E two days ago and has been discharged. At least check the OP’s updates.

Maybe shivering in an a&e corridor for 14 hours is just what he needs.

What makes you think he'd go to A&E with the OP? He's hardly compliant is he?

It sounds like a lot of us have had mixed experiences with similar situations.

@Worriedsick89 really hoping this is a blip and he recovers well but for YOU I think a break is needed. When is ex arriving? See how it goes with him there but be prepared to take it further if son kicks off again? It's so hard, sending a hug

I would take him to A&E. And if that doesn't in a referral to social services, I would phone them. Say you don't want him in the house anymore. That will make them take action.

His behaviour sounds sociopathic. I would be contacting social services to see if he can be housed somewhere else because he sounds dangerous. I’ve known boys like this (similar abusive behaviour towards their mothers) and sadly they didn’t improve and are nasty abusive adults with criminal records. You have tried everything but there comes a breaking point. How long will you let yourself get verbally and let’s face it, at some point it will also be physical, abused?
I feel for his dad. He was only trying to protect his son and again the reaction from your DS is sociopathic.

Hi OP. I've no real advice to offer but wanted to say I'm really sorry you're going through this. It's heartbreaking to see your son so clearly unwell and behaving like this.

I hope he gets the help he needs and manages to recover. And I hope you find some peace and get your little boy back xx

Sorry - haven't read the whole thread, just your responses.

It sounds like drugs. We have just come out the other end with my daughter who was spending every single penny on cocaine. Her whole personality changed. She was awful. She would make up any excuse to try to get money out of us and steal it if we hadn't locked it away.

She was hospitalised twice and many of her symptoms were exactly like your sons.

She denied it every time we asked even though we had seen the empty baggies and it was obvious she was under the influence of something.

She has been clean for around 6 months now and is back to her lovely old self. She will now openly talk about it.

It is very hard to get help for them when they wont admit there is a problem. I really feel for you - its an awful thing to be going through.

OP my son school refused from age 14. He abused substances, to the point of us having to call an ambulance twice when he'd taken ketamine while drinking, and in response to a bad self-harming episode. He was severely depressed and withdrawn and overwhelmed with anxiety. He eventually stopped leaving the house.

It eventually culminated in a period of days of no sleep, self harming, increasing paranoia and delusions, and he ended up being sectioned at age 17 after 3 days in A&E.

He had a 3 month stay in children's secure unit, where he was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder. He's still abusing substances (mainly prescribed drugs and alcohol), but his psychiatric medications have given him relief from his depressive symptoms and his delusions.

I'm wondering if what you're experiencing with your son is the emergence of serious mental illness? I think he really needs to be fully assessed by a psychiatrist - obviously this is really difficult if he's not compliant. Sorry to say something so negative. I appreciate that most young people going through what your son is going through emerge from it in a better place, but it's always important to consider whether this could be more than a transient period of teenage rebellion and unhappiness. What struck me from your posts was the degree of paranoia and persecution your son feels - both seemingly not rational responses to how he's been treated by you and his dad

Please call the police if he becomes violent. If they end up arresting him they'll get social services involved, and this may open some doors for you.

Really hope you get help.

Relative was like this at 13. Three decades on still the same.

Is it possible to speak to your community police team about it? His behaviour is very very clearly abusive and at 16 id be very worried about what he’s going to be like in a few years as an adult. Clearly doctors and teachers can’t help but surely the police could at least try and talk some sense into him? I know he’s still only 16 but maybe now is the time for a more drastic approach if you feel like you’ve tried everything else?

OP, I'm so sorry for you and the situation you find yourself in with your son.

I would be calling Young Minds - you need parenting support. It sounds like your son is struggling with his mental health and with substance abuse.

Do you have any support from other family members?

@Buzyizzy217 yeah...I was reticent to say this. But it's damaging OP's health and he'll act out towards her.

At this point I’d be calling 999 for police to take him away. There are many forms of abuse, and that’s what he’s doing to you. And change your locks, chuck his stuff out and tell him he can go and live with his dad. I really would totally wash my hands of him. It’s also extremely rare for anyone to talk about suicide beforehand. You deserve a life and he’s destroying yours. Tough love I know, but he’s crossed the line numerous times and if he wasn’t your son, you wouldn’t have put up with it. 🤗

Try and call the GP today and ask for an emergency appointment. The only thing you can do, is what you have been doing, which is try. A CAHMS referral might take a bit but it's better to ask now and wait - the time will still pass. Also if you say about the drugs, alcohol and potential substance abuse- they will speed it up. Try and exaggerate it if you can ( I mean it's already so bad but make sure you detail it all). The school refusal, the violent outbursts and potential impacts of drugs e.g psychosis. Then they'll have to do an Ealry Intervention referral which is much quicker.

Maybe call 101 (I think that's the non emergency police line?). They can refer to other services and also maybe ask the council if they have Family Support Services. Also as PP have said try and call Young Minds maybe for him (they can also refer, and be useful for support. Then maybe also call Samaritans for support for yourself.

So sorry OP, it sounds really, really tough. The 2am demands for money seem to fit with some sort of drug use/addiction. That would also make sense with the extreme mood swings and selfish behaviour - I know some of that is normal for teenagers, but there's something about addiction that causes people to feel like victims, and blame everyone else.
I wonder if finding any support for yourself around living with someone with addiction issues would help, it might be a bit pre-emptive but peer support could be a good call. The really hard thing if it is addiction is there's very little you can do other than be alongside them and wait until they're ready to change. It's not something you can force on them.

No real advice. But i definitely wouldn't be giving him any money at all.
He has everything he needs at home. He doesn't need money.
And when he is ranting at you and being abusive. Then I would walk away and go to a different room.
It doesn't matter if the neighbours hear . It doesn't matter if the police are called.
If anything it may be a good thing.
His behaviour is abusive. Which is obviously really hard to deal with as its your child. But just playing his game is only making him worse and feel like he can do whatever he likes . To you and himself .

I’m so sorry, it sounds horrendous.

I think it’s good his father is coming, two heads are better than one and all that.

I wonder what he wanted money for at that time of night? I’d be worried it was drugs as he’s obviously been experimenting.

It’s so hard when he doesn’t want the help. All I can suggest is if he gets physical, call the police immediately. He needs to see consequences for his actions.

Hi OP.
What is happening with his schooling? Did you withdraw him to be electively home educated or is he still on roll somewhere?

Oh no that sounds horrible - do you have any fears for your own safety?

I really hope more expert people come along soon 💐

I’m really sorry, OP, I feel for both you and him. It sounds like he’s pushing away you, his dad and any offers of help, but he sounds so vulnerable as well, I totally get why you are worried sick. I don’t imagine the opinions of strangers on mumsnet can make much difference but I think you sound like a really good mum, I would have taken him to A&E as well, you clearly love him and would do anything to help him. I imagine the stress of this must be incredibly draining. I am a Samaritans volunteer and we listen to lots of people like your son, either on the phone or using the chat option. And to plenty of exhausted, heart broken parents. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to a stranger than it is to your family, or Camhs. It might be worth suggesting, or trying yourself, you don’t have to be suicidal - just struggling, which it sounds like you both are. At some point things do seem to click for a lot of young people, although sometimes they have to hit a low point and really scare themselves - others just mature out of the anger, depression etc. sometimes it’s not about having or finding answers, it’s about finding strategies to hang on in there when it really does feel so bleak. Despite all his talk, he will know deep down you care. If you try to keep showing him that, hopefully he’ll find his way back to you.

It sounds like he is struggling and doesn’t know how to sort it out which has resulted in him lashing out.

He doesn’t seem to have a good friend or social network. He’s gay but not dating, just doing everything online. He’s dropped out of education, has no qualifications or job.

It seems he’s angry at the situation he is in (lonely/unemployed/aimless) and is being incredibly childish and blaming you and his dad. He sounds like a bit of a prick too- ‘I don’t care’ when he is making a child cry, I bet he’d change his tune if was a man or someone who could be threatening. He’s more than happy to bully his mother but then he’s whinging about not liking the sandwiches for sale. He needs to grow the fuck up.