Thanks – I will try and call the GP tomorrow and push for an emergency appointment. I know people are right that even if the CAMHS wait is long, it’s better to be on the list than not at all. I’ve been so overwhelmed that I think I’ve just frozen a bit with everything. I’ll make a list of everything to mention – the school refusal, the aggression, the stuff about alcohol and possible drugs. I’ll try and stress the risks and hope it fast-tracks things a little.
Someone else asked earlier about his schooling – I did post more about it upthread but basically, he’s not on roll anywhere right now. He was at a 14+ college from September but only lasted about four weeks due to not turning up and mouthing off. He’d get the bus in, then either walk out halfway through the day or just not go to lessons at all. I even started taking the bus in with him and walking him to the door, but it didn’t help. He should be starting college again in September but honestly, that’s looking less and less likely by the day.
About the money last night – I was really worried it was for drugs, but when he finally woke up today he was surprisingly calm. He said he’d spent £25 on a game the other day and forgot that Disney+ comes out of his account tomorrow. That’s what he wanted money for – so it wouldn’t cancel. He showed me his banking app and everything looked normal. He did withdraw some cash on Monday night, but he said that was for the alcohol. I told him I wasn’t giving him anything after how he spoke to me, and he just said to take it out of next month’s allowance – he didn’t want to miss the end of the show he’s watching. I told him I’d think about it and he left it at that. Massive difference to last night.
He came down later looking for biscuits and started shouting at me for eating them (I hadn’t – I don’t even like those ones). Then he randomly started going off about my partner again and said, “next time I see that fat prick I’ll knock him out.” I obviously don’t tolerate talk like that, but once he’s in that state, it’s impossible to reason with him.
He also let slip that he “did take something” but then said it wasn’t drugs. When I asked what he meant, he just said “forget it” and walked off. So now I’m wondering again what’s going on.
His dad arrived mid-afternoon and DS didn’t even let him get properly in the door before yelling “what do you want?!” and telling him to f-off. Then he said he didn’t want him here at all. His dad had brought a hoodie and a couple of snacks for him – nothing fancy, just things he knows DS likes – and DS just threw them on the floor and told him “you can go now.” Then stormed upstairs and slammed his door.
We had a quick cuppa and ex asked if I thought whatever he took might still be affecting him. I said probably not by now, but he mentioned DS couldn’t seem to stand still for more than a few seconds – he was the same in hospital too. He asked if I’m sure DS hasn’t got anything stashed in his room. I honestly don’t know – but I can’t exactly go in there and check because he’s always in it.
Ex said he might suggest going to see the new Superman film together but doesn’t think DS will go for it.
Later, DS came down and accused us of talking about him and being obsessed. He started making some food, and ex made a comment about him coughing all over it (trying to be jokey) and said he didn’t want any. DS said “it’s my food anyway – you’re not getting any. I’d rather see you starve.” Then added, “or poisoned.”
He then burnt his hand on the pan and made a massive scene – shouting “ouch” and refusing to run it under the tap. Then he started yelling at us to stop laughing at him – even though we weren’t. It was all very performative. I’m used to it, but ex clearly isn’t and didn’t know how to react.
He did eat eventually and then announced he was going out. When asked where, he just said “anywhere away from you two.” I’ve got a knot in my stomach now just waiting for whatever state he comes back in.
It’s exhausting. It’s like I’m constantly walking on eggshells.
Someone asked about assessments for autism or ODD – no, he hasn’t had any. The school support staff and the people at college said they didn’t think it was SEN. Of course they could be wrong, but he doesn’t really show traits either. He can make eye contact, understand sarcasm, has decent social skills (or used to), and has always been very emotionally switched on – sometimes too much. He just seems angry more than anything.
About the threats – it’s been me, his dad, my partner (they don’t get on), and “randoms” he says have disrespected him, usually online. He’s also said stuff like he’d “knock out anyone who looks at him the wrong way” and once threatened to “batter a bus driver” for telling him not to vape. I don’t know how much of it is talk and how much is serious, but it’s so hard to tell anymore.
He does know everything about my cancer – in an age appropriate way. He was only 11 when I was diagnosed and we didn’t hide it from him. We were close before that, but he was close to his dad too. Me and his dad split just before he turned 3, and he always saw him regularly. His dad moved back to his hometown when DS was 6, but he still came down a lot and DS would go up there for weekends and holidays. It’s only more recently that DS has started rejecting him completely.
Someone mentioned spiking or assault – and honestly, I don’t know. I don’t even know how I’d broach something like that with him. It has crossed my mind before, especially with how defensive and jumpy he can be, but I’m scared of saying the wrong thing and making it worse. I also don’t know what I’d do with the answer if it was yes.
Re the other night – when I found him drunk, I could smell vodka on him, but there was also a really sweet smell too. Not perfume exactly, more like that fake fruity scent you get from vapes or some spirits.
I just feel like I’m watching my child spiral and I don’t know how to catch him. I feel scared all the time now – scared of what mood he’ll be in, scared of who he’s hanging around with, scared of what might happen next.