AIBU if I don't invite the whole class to a party?

Our experience in reception has been about 90% whole class, joint parties. Anywhere from 2-5 kids. A couple where it was just girls/selection of kids etc

The whole class, joint parties made organisation easier and costs down. It was generally Soft Play and Pizza!

We always invited 6 people - plus my two DSs who are close in age and able to enjoy the same activities. If one of them only wanted to invite 5 then the other one was allowed to invite one person too. Some of our parties were at indoor play or activity type places and they didn't mind catering for smaller groups (some had a minimum of 6). On one occasion we had a no-show, and since the place and food were already paid for we asked if the brother of one of the guests would like to stay too. If he hadn't been able to, we would have just sucked up the cost - which was still a lot less than paying for about 30 people, some of whom my DS didn't even like!

I only had small parties...max 6-8 of their actual friends.

I ask my girl to invite who she wants. It's never the whole class :)

We have a mix of whole class and small parties here. Whole class parties are not my bag at all and DD1 has thankfully never wanted one, she’s usually had about 10 friends (usually 5 or so from school/nursery and the rest from elsewhere). But she’s been invited to plenty and goes along.

Do whatever your son wants and don’t feel obliged to do something because you feel you should. We did host one whole class party at soft play and honestly it was pretty pointless. Felt like I’d paid a fortune for other people’s kids just to have a day out for all the interacting DD1 did with most of them. She just played with the same small group of kids we would have invited to a smaller party anyway. Skipping that step with DD2 entirely!

10 to 15 guests is perfect. You can’t invite 40 kids - the risk is they’ll all turn up (knew someone who had 42 at a party once - very stressful!).

Not everyone has the whole class, otherwise we’d all have 30 parties a year to attend and I’m certain that’s never happened to me and my kids!

When DS was 5 he had a birthday party - he invited half his class - invites given out at school. At home time the teacher told me that this wasn’t fair so she’s invited the other half!
This was 20+ years ago - I accepted it and didn’t say anything

I have a similar dilemma.

My DD is 5 a few days after starting reception. There are another 9 kids from her nursery going to the school but some will be in the other class (3).

We have a WhatsApp group already for the whole year and our individual classes (don’t think everybody has joined yet mind) so I have some names of those who will be in her class from September as some people have introduced themselves (maybe about 10 others) and said which class their child is going into. There is also a picnic in a park organised for end of August which is another opportunity to meet some new school pals but not long to make friends really.

Then we have other friends from nursery
present and past, baby classes, NCT etc. We also know 3 kids from other places going into the other class. At the moment I’m thinking I invite her known friends plus the nursery ones going to her school and then maybe all the ones who have introduced themselves. That’s potentially 30/40 though! I have hired a village hall as cheaper than soft play and an entertainer person to help control the masses.

I was thinking maybe to just do a whole class party next year instead but apparently just to add to the fun they mix them up again after reception year so some of her pals may be in the other class next year too!! September birthdays are tricky - people have said either don’t bother or invite whole class so your kid doesn’t get excluded for the year. If I could get away with no party this year I would but she is so sociable and has been talking about a party for months 🤣

Of course YANBU not to invite the whole class.

I've managed to get 3 dc through school without EVER holding a whole class party.

In truth, 15 sounds like far too many for a little chap who "doesn't want.... lots of people" and for whom "loud gatherings with lots of kids are not something he typically enjoys"

You'd be very, very unreasonable to make your son uncomfortable because you are worried about what people think.

Being the parent of a child with an early September birthday, you have the power here to stop other parents feeling pressured into doing something they don't want to do, by actually hosting something that suits your ds.

We did whole class parties for age 4, 5, 6. It was the norm at age 5 in our school. I think they're particularly good at that age because most parents stay and it's a good chance to chat socially for the parents - lots of parents here have nannies doing drop offs or kids staying in after school clubs so you don't see them day to day. We didn't invite any kids from nursery once dc started reception - my dcs have summer birthdays and they were forgotten by then.

Do what he wants. My DD did not want a class party in reception but did in year one. The only thing I insist on is that if they want most of the girls in a class they have to invite all of the girls so there's no leaving out. She's invited to a mixture of smaller and whole class parties. Noone takes offence.

Did you forget it's the DS's birthday & he wants to invite his friends????

if you want to 'network' arrange a different gathering. Don't use your child!

I just invited his pals from school. About 5 kids.
Cousins, neighbours, other pals made up the rest.

Not if you are my child. I’m a complete introvert and a party is my idea of hell on earth but my DD is the biggest extrovert and likes big disco parties with everyone she has ever met ideally. She even knows how to work the room and stood on the stage at the last one and did everyone a rendition of Let it go. I often wonder if I brought the wrong one home from hospital!

If I invited only 5 she’d be devastated! But I do hope that in a few more years I can move her on to small group activities instead of parties as I literally needed to take tablets and lie down for 24hrs after the last party.

On here parents take it very personally and can be devastaed over kids parties, we have never invited the whole class and never expect an invitation ourselves

Whole class parties are not the norm if you don't make them such AND 10 to 15 children is not a small party! 5or 6 is ample forca good time for them all.... honestly

DS was 5 on his 3rd day in Reception. He had a small party with a few friends (one or two who were now in his class) that weekend, and a whole class party when he was 6.

I would do the whole class party. It's a good chance to meet all the other parents and children your child will be at school with for primary school with a September birthday, and will set a precedent for your child getting lots of invites back to future parties!
Sounds harsh but the nursery friends will be forgotten quite quickly from September.

Invite who you want.The whole class birthdays are a hassle. Other parents might follow your lead and do smaller parties. Enjoy the weekends when you’re not invited.

I think it's fine especially at his birthday is so early you won't know who his reception friends are yet. DS has a November birthday and we did do a whole class party (nothing fancy, church hall, bouncy castle, party games) for similar reasons didn't know who his closest friends would be by November, invitations went out in October, his was a bit late to only invite nursery friends as he had made new friends in the first half term. I wouldn't have done that though if DS didn't want it (he actually got hold of some leftover invitations and handed them out in the playground 🤦‍♂️)

Give your son the party he wants.
Different schools have different rules about invitations being given out in school, snd dome only allow it to ve done if the whole class are invited. However, you said the ones in his reception class are at nursery with him now, so I assume you ve the parents details anyway and don't need to give invites out in school

I will invite;

Less than a third of the class, mixed boys and girls

or

Only boys/only girls

or

the whole class

I think what you’ve suggested sounds fine.
There’s absolutely no need to do a whole class party.

Do what works for you. It is very normal to ask whole class at his age but honestly no one card if you asked who you wanted. It's not worth thinking about. Just let your ds enjoy his birthday with people he knows and cares about

Ahh, no, I was going to say YANBU unless it's something like a Sept/Oct birthday for a Reception child and now I see that's exactly your dilemma. Normally, I'd say it's important for the early Reception parties to be whole class as friendships aren't yet formed (between either children or parents) and it's good to be friendly and open to what develops.

But if it's going to be stressful and upsetting for your child then I do think that still takes priority.