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Original poster

Me, Myself and I

135 replies

niadainud · 22/07/2025 15:58

For the love of Lindley Murray, please can people stop using "myself" and "I" when they actually mean "me"?

"Myself and DP..." is never correct (at least I can't think of an example when it would be correct to begin a sentence in this way) and just sounds pretentious. "Myself" is a reflexive pronoun, or used for emphasis: "I hurt myself" or "I wouldn't do it like that myself".

"I" is for when you are the subject of the sentence (i.e. you are the one doing it): for example, "DP and I like to go dogging at the weekend."

"He came dogging with my DP and I" is wrong as "I" is being erroneously used as an object pronoun in that example.

In short, "me" is not a dirty word, even if "dogging" is.

Sorry, I know some people hate grammar threads that stray outside Pedants' Corner and I fully expect to be jumped on for any minor solecism I may have inadvertently committed, but I'm running out of patience with this one.

Oh, and while I'm at it, you're most probably "lying", not "laying", unless you are some sort of bird.

OP posts:
PandaCwtch · 23/07/2025 10:16

This particular one spreads like a virus. It really grinds my gears at work. Someone will write it in formal document, something like "please don't hesitate to contact myself" at the end of an email, and then other people think that this is the formal way of saying "me" and so start doing it too. As suggested by various others, I think a lot of people genuinely think it is formal writing, or is smarter than "me" or "I".

FarmGirl78 · 23/07/2025 10:07

niadainud · 22/07/2025 20:41

You're probably right, but most people there already know how to use "myself"!

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And the rest of us couldn't give a shit so you're wasting your time. Back in your corner!!

thepastinsidethepresent · 23/07/2025 10:03

Ugh, couldn't agree more. With 'and I', it's what's known as a hypercorrection - people get it drummed into them at school that you never say 'me and...', you always say '...and I', so they always say '...and I', even when it's wrong. For some reason English grammar teaching never seems to address it!

Sharptonguedwoman · 23/07/2025 10:02

FlappyThing · 22/07/2025 21:43

My husband says myself in a blackboard scrapingly awful way.
“Would you like to join myself on the trip?”
”It will be myself coming to the party.”
”Who ate the pies? That would be myself.”
He DOESN’T BELIEVE ME that it is better to use “me” and thinks it sounds very courteous and formal.

I couldn't have married him. Sorry.

QueenMummyTheFirst · 23/07/2025 10:02

QueenMummyTheFirst · 23/07/2025 09:59

I'd say "Sit yourself down", in Yorkshire.
But then again, we've established that I might not be the best person to listen to on this!

See also: "sit thissen down" if we're going proper Yorkshire.

SchnizelVonKrumm · 23/07/2025 10:01

Sceptic1234 · 23/07/2025 09:52

As in "sit yourself down" ... very common in Scotland / Ireland but virtually never heard in England.

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But sit yourself down is correct anyway as it's a reflexive pronoun.

I think the confusion comes partly from "your good self" - which would work from a grammatical perspective ("John went to tea with yourself" is incorrect whereas "John went to tea with your good self" is fine, if old-fashioned).

And yes, there are colloquial uses of the reflexive pronoun that are part of the language in some places.

Sharptonguedwoman · 23/07/2025 09:59

NotrialNodeal · 22/07/2025 21:24

I say 'meself' OP. How does that make you feel?

Dialect and probably not written down?

QueenMummyTheFirst · 23/07/2025 09:59

I'd say "Sit yourself down", in Yorkshire.
But then again, we've established that I might not be the best person to listen to on this!

stayathomer · 23/07/2025 09:59

I’ve seen so many threads on mn where people picked on people for using myself, herself etc and I think it’s very insulting and mean. Also in general the people ranting about the grammar end up bickering among themselves and derailing a thread. Why do you all care enough to make it such a thing?

Sharptonguedwoman · 23/07/2025 09:58

niadainud · 22/07/2025 15:58

For the love of Lindley Murray, please can people stop using "myself" and "I" when they actually mean "me"?

"Myself and DP..." is never correct (at least I can't think of an example when it would be correct to begin a sentence in this way) and just sounds pretentious. "Myself" is a reflexive pronoun, or used for emphasis: "I hurt myself" or "I wouldn't do it like that myself".

"I" is for when you are the subject of the sentence (i.e. you are the one doing it): for example, "DP and I like to go dogging at the weekend."

"He came dogging with my DP and I" is wrong as "I" is being erroneously used as an object pronoun in that example.

In short, "me" is not a dirty word, even if "dogging" is.

Sorry, I know some people hate grammar threads that stray outside Pedants' Corner and I fully expect to be jumped on for any minor solecism I may have inadvertently committed, but I'm running out of patience with this one.

Oh, and while I'm at it, you're most probably "lying", not "laying", unless you are some sort of bird.

Absolutely agree with all of this. Years ago I came across the phrase, 'Hens lay, people lie'. Sorted.

QueenMummyTheFirst · 23/07/2025 09:58

SchnizelVonKrumm · 23/07/2025 09:56

Brenda's and my paper. Definitely not mine and Brenda's paper! You wouldn't say mine paper, would you?

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That is true. Thanks!

HarrietBond · 23/07/2025 09:57

Sceptic1234 · 23/07/2025 09:52

As in "sit yourself down" ... very common in Scotland / Ireland but virtually never heard in England.

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Isn’t it? I’m pretty sure that’s commonly used in England. I’d say it! It’s being broadly used appropriately too.

Removing the other half of a couple is exactly how I was taught to work out whether to use me or I, although I think sometimes now people use me when I would be correct, so not necessarily foolproof! And that it was more ‘polite’ to put the other party first. All from my mum who was an old-school English teacher.

Brenda’s and my are the same thing - possessives. You just don’t need an apostrophe for my as it does the job in a single word.

Zumbador · 23/07/2025 09:57

Similar to PP, my first thought was musical - De La Soul 🎶

SchnizelVonKrumm · 23/07/2025 09:56

QueenMummyTheFirst · 23/07/2025 09:29

Or "mine and Brenda's paper". That sounds better, I think. But "Brenda's and mine paper" doesn't work at all.

Oh man, I've forgotten how to speak!

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Brenda's and my paper. Definitely not mine and Brenda's paper! You wouldn't say mine paper, would you?

DancingFerret · 23/07/2025 09:53

I'm listening to Lord Leggatt speaking in the Supreme Court; he's just said, "...the judgement was given by myself."

It's everywhere!

Sceptic1234 · 23/07/2025 09:52

HotCrossBunplease · 22/07/2025 21:29

I dislike the incorrect use of “myself” when people are trying to sound “formal” - it’s very Estate Agent. And I agree with you that people are afraid to say “me”.

However I am warning you now that these threads inevitably entail at least one Irish person explaining that “myself” in a non-reflexive usage is very standard Hiberno-English (see also they way Irish people use “yourself”). It’s a fair point and rude to accuse them of speaking incorrectly.

As in "sit yourself down" ... very common in Scotland / Ireland but virtually never heard in England.

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 23/07/2025 09:49

GripGetter · 22/07/2025 23:51

I thought there was no lying any more? These days it's all "gaslighting", whether the person using the term understands it or not.

Or, worse, gaslit! As in, I was gaslit. Nope. That's something to do with gas lamps.

Movinghouseatlast · 23/07/2025 09:49

My god I agree with you. It's unbearable.

Also ' yourself'. " I'd like to speak with yourself about dogging"

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 23/07/2025 09:45

guestusername · 22/07/2025 21:46

in my last job I used to have to speak to a lot of people on the phone and I’d inevitably get the “I phoned yourself” or “I sent yourself an email” and it used to raise my rage level something chronic so I would turn it back on them and say something like “well myself did leave a message for yourself to call myself back” or “myself has not seen the email yet”, purely just to make them hear themselves back and hear just how ridiculous they sounded.

I think it sounds much, much worse with a thick West Country accent!

I've done the same thing (speaking to someone in a call centre) but I don't think they realised I was taking the mick. It ended up getting really tied in knots of 'yourself' and 'myself' but they probably just thought I was really posh!

OchonAgusOchonOh · 23/07/2025 09:39

niadainud · 22/07/2025 21:34

It is indeed a fair point.

It's not up to me to declare what's acceptable in another dialect, obviously, but I don't think the Hiberno-English usage conveys the same degree of pomposity as what I'm describing.

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I don't think the Hiberno-English usage conveys the same degree of pomposity as what I'm describing.

It doesn't. It's actually a more familiar and casual usage than I/me.

One of my favourite uses: "Is it yourself that's in it." Used to express to mild surprise at meeting someone unexpectedly.

SnowFrogJelly · 23/07/2025 09:35

Agree I hate the use of myself and yourself now

QueenMummyTheFirst · 23/07/2025 09:35

belleager · 23/07/2025 09:33

Brenda's and my paper is fine. Whose paper is that? Brenda's and mine.

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Thank you!

Passwordsaremynemesis · 23/07/2025 09:34

I thought this was a thread about Joan Armatrading. I’m probably showing my age.

Spirallingdownwards · 23/07/2025 09:33

TY78910 · 22/07/2025 20:34

You probably want to move this to Pedants’ Corner. You’ll get a lot of bite there

The people who need to see that they are using the terms incorrectly are unlikely to look there. It is better here so that it gets traffic and hopefully those who use the terms incorrectly can learn not to.

belleager · 23/07/2025 09:33

QueenMummyTheFirst · 23/07/2025 09:29

Or "mine and Brenda's paper". That sounds better, I think. But "Brenda's and mine paper" doesn't work at all.

Oh man, I've forgotten how to speak!

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Brenda's and my paper is fine. Whose paper is that? Brenda's and mine.