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Me, Myself and I

135 replies

niadainud · 22/07/2025 15:58

For the love of Lindley Murray, please can people stop using "myself" and "I" when they actually mean "me"?

"Myself and DP..." is never correct (at least I can't think of an example when it would be correct to begin a sentence in this way) and just sounds pretentious. "Myself" is a reflexive pronoun, or used for emphasis: "I hurt myself" or "I wouldn't do it like that myself".

"I" is for when you are the subject of the sentence (i.e. you are the one doing it): for example, "DP and I like to go dogging at the weekend."

"He came dogging with my DP and I" is wrong as "I" is being erroneously used as an object pronoun in that example.

In short, "me" is not a dirty word, even if "dogging" is.

Sorry, I know some people hate grammar threads that stray outside Pedants' Corner and I fully expect to be jumped on for any minor solecism I may have inadvertently committed, but I'm running out of patience with this one.

Oh, and while I'm at it, you're most probably "lying", not "laying", unless you are some sort of bird.

OP posts:
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HarrietBond · 23/07/2025 22:47

I’d point at Fiona and say ‘come to our exhibition’.

grumpygrape · 23/07/2025 22:20

niadainud · 23/07/2025 22:07

Fair question. Entirely a matter of opinion, not based on any grammatical rule. It just feels clumsy to me, but you're very welcome to disagree!

Subjective and as both are correct I'm not going to fall out with you 🤗

niadainud · 23/07/2025 22:07

grumpygrape · 23/07/2025 21:20

I’m not trying to be awkward but why is

The exhibition that Fiona and I are putting on

less clumsy than

Fiona's and my exhibition

Fair question. Entirely a matter of opinion, not based on any grammatical rule. It just feels clumsy to me, but you're very welcome to disagree!

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 23/07/2025 21:20

niadainud · 23/07/2025 20:54

As PPs have said, Fiona's and my exhibition, but it's a clumsy construction so if I was bothered about how it sounded I might reword it as something like, "The exhibition that Fiona and I are putting on."

I’m not trying to be awkward but why is

The exhibition that Fiona and I are putting on

less clumsy than

Fiona's and my exhibition

niadainud · 23/07/2025 20:54

ChorizoDog · 23/07/2025 18:27

I am genuinely asking the question (not being sarky):

what would the correct sentence be?

please come to mine & Fiona’s exhibition?

As PPs have said, Fiona's and my exhibition, but it's a clumsy construction so if I was bothered about how it sounded I might reword it as something like, "The exhibition that Fiona and I are putting on."

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 23/07/2025 20:43

ChorizoDog · 23/07/2025 18:27

I am genuinely asking the question (not being sarky):

what would the correct sentence be?

please come to mine & Fiona’s exhibition?

Courtesy, etiquette puts Fiona first
Come to Fiona's exhibition.
But if it's your mutual exhibition then it's
Come to Fiona's and my exhibition
because if Fiona wasn't involved it would be
Come to my exhibition.

SchnizelVonKrumm · 23/07/2025 18:28

ChorizoDog · 23/07/2025 18:27

I am genuinely asking the question (not being sarky):

what would the correct sentence be?

please come to mine & Fiona’s exhibition?

Fiona's and my exhibition.

ChorizoDog · 23/07/2025 18:27

niadainud · 22/07/2025 21:02

One of the worst I've heard is, "Please come to Fiona and I's exhibition." Made me wince.

I am genuinely asking the question (not being sarky):

what would the correct sentence be?

please come to mine & Fiona’s exhibition?

TaborlinTheGreat · 23/07/2025 18:20

niadainud · 22/07/2025 21:02

One of the worst I've heard is, "Please come to Fiona and I's exhibition." Made me wince.

Dear lord Shock

spoonbillstretford · 23/07/2025 18:04

I sometimes get me and I mixed up when I'm talking about more than one person, and have to wind it back and think about what I'd say if I were just talking about myself.

At a formative age I got the impression that "And I" was more polite and it stuck.

niadainud · 23/07/2025 18:03

FarmGirl78 · 23/07/2025 16:37

Just because I'm not anal about grammar doesn't mean I'm bad at it. I can't see I've even notice someone using myself or me or I incorrectly.

I don't think caring about precision and clarity of language and communication necessarily makes one "anal". No-one would say that about maths.

OP posts:
grumpygrape · 23/07/2025 18:00

An acquaintance started using ‘yourself’ inappropriately about 12 years ago, that quickly morphed into ‘your good self’, then he started saying ‘myself’ and I could just about cope with these, with internal wincing, but when he started saying ‘my good self’ I almost laughed out loud.

DuckieDodgyHedgyPiggy · 23/07/2025 17:23

niadainud · 23/07/2025 11:17

Of course it's to do with gas lamps. That's where the expression comes from (the film "Gaslight" with Ingrid Bergman).

Yes, but my point was about the past tense of the term in its modern incarnation: it's 'I was gaslighted', not 'I was gaslit'.

HurrayDuvet · 23/07/2025 17:13

Thank you OP. I am with you (yourself 🙄) all the way.

IceIceBabyBump · 23/07/2025 17:09

I can't express how much I love that you've referenced Lindley Murray.

I walk past his old house nearly every day, and I live on one of two streets named after him.

This has genuinely made my day. I've never seen reference to Lindley Murray out in the wild. I love this.

SchnizelVonKrumm · 23/07/2025 17:03

FarmGirl78 · 23/07/2025 16:37

Just because I'm not anal about grammar doesn't mean I'm bad at it. I can't see I've even notice someone using myself or me or I incorrectly.

Posting on an anonymous forum about something that irritates you is hardly being "anal" about it. It obviously doesn't bother you - that's no big deal. Other people post about things that they think are important that I couldn't give a fig about - also fine.

I post about major minor annoyances like this on MN precisely to avoid being anal about it irl! 😂

Mistyglade · 23/07/2025 16:51

FarmGirl78 · 23/07/2025 14:09

Not sad for caring. But unreasonable and irritating for foisting pedantic views on those of us who don't care. We're happy not knowing. Leave us be.

‘Foisting!’ This is precisely Ricky Gervais’ point about the guitar lessons ad, pmsl.

Mistyglade · 23/07/2025 16:44

This feels like you’re an Alexa listening in on our conversation last night! It’s everywhere just lately on reality tv and games shows etc.

madaboutpurple · 23/07/2025 16:39

I would not recommend going dogging, surely unsavoury people get attracted to it. Leave well alone .

FarmGirl78 · 23/07/2025 16:37

niadainud · 23/07/2025 16:15

Your posts are suspiciously well written for someone who professes not to care about grammatical accuracy.

Also I think people do care, hence the hypercorrection that happens. People who say, "Myself and my DP..." or who "correct" other people by telling them, "No, it should be 'He invited DP and I to go dogging'" are arguably being equally pedantic, they're just also getting it wrong!

Just because I'm not anal about grammar doesn't mean I'm bad at it. I can't see I've even notice someone using myself or me or I incorrectly.

niadainud · 23/07/2025 16:15

FarmGirl78 · 23/07/2025 14:09

Not sad for caring. But unreasonable and irritating for foisting pedantic views on those of us who don't care. We're happy not knowing. Leave us be.

Your posts are suspiciously well written for someone who professes not to care about grammatical accuracy.

Also I think people do care, hence the hypercorrection that happens. People who say, "Myself and my DP..." or who "correct" other people by telling them, "No, it should be 'He invited DP and I to go dogging'" are arguably being equally pedantic, they're just also getting it wrong!

OP posts:
softlyfallsthesnow · 23/07/2025 15:37

FarmGirl78 · 23/07/2025 14:22

Exactly. I'm free to whinge and post how irritating I find pedants when they wander out of their corner. 😁

I think you're definitely showing signs of pedantic behaviour. You're not letting a small point go and, despite what you say, you do care.
Welcome!

thepastinsidethepresent · 23/07/2025 15:14

FarmGirl78 · 23/07/2025 14:09

Not sad for caring. But unreasonable and irritating for foisting pedantic views on those of us who don't care. We're happy not knowing. Leave us be.

Hardly ‘foisting’. No one’s tying you up and holding you captive on the thread, are they? And I’m not aware of any MN rules that restrict discourse to topics of universal interest (thank goodness!). You’re free to click away at any time. 🙂

SchnizelVonKrumm · 23/07/2025 14:27

FarmGirl78 · 23/07/2025 14:22

Exactly. I'm free to whinge and post how irritating I find pedants when they wander out of their corner. 😁

🤣

FarmGirl78 · 23/07/2025 14:22

SchnizelVonKrumm · 23/07/2025 14:15

No one forced you to read the thread. People can post about things they find irritating 🙄

Exactly. I'm free to whinge and post how irritating I find pedants when they wander out of their corner. 😁