Reduced Child Maintenance

But RPs do absolutely need to adjust their expenditure if overall household income drops. Of course, the essentials still need paying for, but the OP is still contributing, the mum is presumably contributing as well, and if she is on a low income, she'll be getting child benefit as well.

They will all have to cut their cloth accordingly.

RPs do not get to ring fence 18% of their income and say that's it, that s all you're getting. If the child needs X they make cut backs elsewhere to fund it. As I said, what else has the OP cut back on before cutting this bill? It should be the last thing to be reduced, not the first.

If they weren't divorced the family pot would still have been reducing massively due to his ill health.

In response to "what do you expect her to do" I would say "what do you expect him to do??". I'm sure he doesn't have a money tree growing in the garden to keep on providing. I'd sure he'd much rather still be working and paying! This is his own future that is compromised as well as his sons.

As a PP says, his DS is going to be 18 in the next few years - his mum was going to have to get used to the idea that the £750 a month was going to stop at some point. Things happen that can't be predicted.

Yes, it's a big drop in her income but I don't envisage how OP could have done anything different other than perhaps giving sufficient notice (which he might have done).

Christ, this is so harsh! I don’t think OP sounds like he’s revelling in early retirement 🙄

He was ill enough that he had to retire early on doctor’s advice, it’s unfortunate but it’s one of those things that happens sometimes which can’t be predicted until the moment you get ill.

If he was resident parent, no doubt his change in circumstances would affect his ability to keep the child in the lifestyle to which he may have become accustomed but that’s just life I’m afraid - doesn’t sound like he’s off on a round the world retirement cruise with a middle finger up to his ex and he paid £750 for every month he could possibly afford to until the moment it became impossible.

Yes but that’s why there are means tested CMS calculators for this, surely?

He will stay pay what is fair based on his current circumstances since he literally can’t conjure money out of thin air no matter how expensive raising children is!

Then cut backs and compromises can be made around possibly a more even split of childcare, a part time job at 16, UC to top up mum etc etc

It's notoriously difficult to get medical retirement, so I'm guessing that the OP really wouldn't have had much choice about work - if there had been an option to keep going, there is just no way that the pension company would have paid out. So, if the OP had been the resident parent, I assume that he would have had to fall back on whatever benefits he could claim alongside his pension entitlement.

He said he was sick, he didn't say when he told her in relation to the payment changing, or if he told her the details of his illness.

She may well have plans for the future, that doesn't absolve him of responsibility to have plans himself- which it seems he doesn't.

If you were the primary residential parent and mostly responsible for your son and his future, would you have still made the same decisions regarding work?

Although I understand your predicament, I can see both sides of the coin. Teenagers are expensive. The food bill alone is astronomical, in addition to the clothes bill as they grow like ivy on speed, school trips, hobbies, entertainment etc… the list is endless. It may of been shortsighted for his mum to rely on this money, but £750 goes absolutely nowhere with a 15 year old. £250, a drop in the ocean. A pair of trainers alone is rarely shy of £100. School dinners £60-£80 per month.

I do sympathise with your situation although communication via text is probably adding fuel to the fire. It may be more useful to actually speak as parents and discuss what practical help you will now be able to offer in view of your spare time to reduce the financial burden, for example increasing frequency of meals at yours and driving DS from A to B more.

But there's no obligation too, and the money that goes direct to a teen is unlikely to be enough to allow that teen to have a life and also pay some housekeeping....whilst expecting the RP to maintain their space no doubt, and generally feed and upkeep them. I can absolutely maintain my own house, and bills and everything else on my full time salary but assuming my teens are not renting their own place at 18 they'll still be very reliant on me (ASD in one case means independence will likely be delayed by done years ) be it my ex doesn't HAVE to do anything beyond 18. Just as in this case, the OP is deciding he can just cut the maintenance..had he looked at his own situation, downsizing, selling a car, whatever, to maintain an obligation or more than 1/3 of it? Why isn't he asking his mortgage company or utility company to charge him less? Oh right.. because they'll say no, he has an obligation. Why is CMS different?

He said he was severely ill last year and couldn’t work, and had to reduce one payment.

so she must have known about it for 6mo the to a year.

she’s known since the child was born he’d be reaching retirement age shortly, so I disagree she’s been left in the shit. Especially as her housing costs should be negligible as he signed the house over to her.

what does she expect him to do? He’s sick, it’s out of his control. If they we married still she’d have to be stepping up to bridge the gap in income.

how come she’s not expected to have plans for the future where she supports herself and her child. She had a child later in life, planning for retirement/illness/death should be part of the responsibility.

What were the timescales for you telling her that you were going to be dropping the payments so significantly? Did you give her a weeks warning or a couple of months? She may well have committed to things based on your payments, and now have to find the money elsewhere.

If you weren't divorced you wouldn't just be able to stop paying to feed and clothe your child. These things still need to happen- what do you expect her to do?

£250 doesn't go far each month clothing, feeding, educating and housing a teenage boy. Beyond anything else he might want for hobbies and things.

Your situation is unfortunate. But you really have left your ex in the shit here. I'm not surprised she is pissed off.

How did you communicate this op?

Was it a case of, “really sorry but I’ve had to stop working due to my health so my direct debit will have to drop. The CMS calculator says £250 is reasonable but I’m happy to pay £X for a few months and gradually reduce it down”.
Or was it, “I’ve had to stop work so from now on the maintenance will be £250”.

On the face of it no you aren’t unreasonable as you have had a massive drop in income but I do also have some sympathy for her as £500 a month is a big drop.

He says he communicated with her by text but at what point was this…..the month he decided to drop from £750 to £250 or in the months leading up to this ….🤔

what’s the point in a text the week the payment is due when she is expecting x amount and suddenly gets y

i stand by my post completely unless the OP comes back and says he’s given her several months notice of impending change to payments

Did you miss the part where OP tried explaining the situation to his ex via text?

Regardless of your circumstances the costs of raising, clothing and feeding a child don't magically disappear because you are unwell.

I'm not surprised your ex is pissed off if the money she was expecting to have this month to look after your child has suddenly not appeared.

Do you have any plans for the future, beyond she'll just have to make it work?

Surely the long term plan would have been to keep working, earning, saving and building the pension pot.
Your post sounds patronising, op may well of though about all the things you mention however unfortunately people get sick which is unpredictable

He communicated with her by text so it’s not like he didn’t mention anything. He’s still making Payments, she’ll just have to deal with the fact it’s less money than she was used to.

seeing this from her side if she has a court ordered set amount that’s paid every month and then you haven’t communicated with her what’s been going with you and suddenly you reduce payments by hundreds of pounds per month with no warning its going to be a shock for anyone and no wonder she is p’d off

(I really don’t know why more older parents consider this when they decide to have kids at nearly 50! That they are going to need to support a child well into retirement age - it’s pretty selfish TBH)

all you can do is wait for the CMS re calc to see why it says or go back to court. Maybe actually try talking to the woman explaining what’s happening and why

I’m not condemning him for that - I’m asking how he expected to be supporting his family when he fathered a child at 49, fully expecting to be supporting them til around 70. I would ask the same of a woman who suddenly finds herself on a pension that’s a quarter of her previous income but still has children to support and all of life’s usual expenses. Anyone know a very well paid job, as described by the OP, should have been MUCH better prepared for retirement, whenever it came. That was a choice, and a bad one. We aren’t talking about someone on minimum wage who couldn’t afford to pay into a pension pot.

Well yes. I imagine that op didn't expect to be divorced. Or retired due to ill health. Or living where he is now, rather than in a mortgage free home. The unexpected happens and the only people who can prepare for every eventuality are those who are very, very wealthy.

Sounds reasonable to me. The maintenance calculator will work it out anyway based on what you earn.

Well no.

but it’s more usual once the child is 19 to give them the money directly if they are still in education.

Mum will need to be paying her own bills and her share of the expected parental contribution to the child. Dad pays his own bills and his share of the parental contribution to the child. The child gets loans to cover the rest of his expenses, like everyone else.

Yanbu. You can't give your ex money that you quite literally do not have.
Ill health retirement isn't something that is granted easily, you can't help being unfit for work. Your ex could look at this as an opportunity for herself. She could do anything, say yes to new opportunities (ones that may involve travel for courses/ work when she perhaps couldn't have before) and this will improve her own earnings. She wouldn't need to plan around how she'll manage a career/ work trips away with a 15 year old- you're fully available now you don't work. This would be the most sensible thing for her to do anyway, in 3 years your dc will be 18.

See that's the thing though...CMS stops at 18..how many 18 year olds are financially independent? How many still use their parental home as their base .uni terms are only thirty weeks in total. Yes of course the mum in this case needs to support and contribute but how come the NRP gets to just stop at 18? I know in theory the RP could kick them out, cut them off but that doesn't really happen does it.