Reduced Child Maintenance

@intothesunshine just ignore the goady poster. You clearly can't be that bad to have a private arrangement for £750 per month. It demonstrates you willingly paid this rather than CMS forcing you. Most people don't earn that type of money to pay out in the 1st place!

I'm sure your ex will come to her senses and your Son is of age now for your ex to work full time and not pay for childcare.

I’m talking about now, not when they got divorced. It’s now, when the circumstances have changed, that she’s having tantrums about the money. There is no reason the mother of a 15 year old couldn’t earn her own money if the income from her ex reduces.

I fully support that men (or women) need to pay CM and think it’s awful that they don’t for years on end
but at the end of the day if you haven’t got the money and you’re unwell, you can’t pay what you were paying
if you drop dead tomorrow, you can’t carry on paying it either

Were we more sympathetic than you expected??

So she’ll now have to cut her cloth, won’t she? She works full time and lives in a mortgage free house. Meanwhile the golden goose has just had a 75% cut in income, she’s just going to have to manage.

As someone who gets 0 CM payments because DD dad is a useless sack of crap I’d be happy with £250 a month. People don’t expect to be medically retired but unfortunately this has happened it’s not the posters fault. £250 is generous and in a couple years the payments will stop!! I’m sure that if the child stays in education 16+ the money goes directly to the child until 18. £750 is ridiculous amount to pay. I work full time and my take home pay is £1660 plus I get CB and SCP. I manage to live of this with a 12DD. Xxx

Yes what I don't get is why I e teenager coats£1500 plus a month to keep. I didn't have that income when I had 2 teens and a primary aged child

i wonder what the ex’s plan was? You only talk about o/p supporting the child, she has a responsibility to do so as well.

Quite.

In a 'together' family, if there's a change of circumstances, you just have to deal with it together. There's simply less money coming in. It always mystifies me that with separated fathers, there's somehow an expectation that sums of money will be 'ring fenced' and will be immune to future changes. Its unrealistic.

We don’t know what he own earnings are do we? Or what money she might get from other sources like family. The fact that she went doesn’t mean that all the maintenance is completely spare money, which can be cut at a moment‘s notice.

And why shouldn’t the DS be taken on holidays, even if this is partly funded from CM? The ex might have saved for a long time for this.

I mean she might not have, but she can’t be both totally without other income and not need the maintenance because she has so much money.

Judges aren't really known for pandering to "grabby" women. If the judge deemed that the house was a fair comparable to the pension pots then I think we can assume that split was reasonable.

It’s bound to have a huge effect on her ability to provide a good life for your son.

It’ll reduce her holiday budget that’s for sure.

I think the key things are when and how you informed your ex of your proposal.

The ideal thing - in a non acrimonious situation- would be to both sit down together and decide how you can both make the unexpected drop in your earning capacity work for your son.

You’ve commented that she took your son on holidays - that’s not inherently a bad thing to do for a child! She might of course have done this with other money and used the maintenance for essentials, if you want to look at the maintenance as separate from her own earnings.

I think a collaborative approach- with a decent amount of notice - to the way forward would be best. Can you make cuts in your lifestyle to free up more money for your son? Can your son live with you more now that you’re not working to free up some money at her end? It shouldn’t be “well I can only pay £250 pcm starting from now” and then a brick wall. It’s bound to have a huge effect on her ability to provide a good life for your son.

OP this isn't really a debate. Just call CMS yourself. At 15 your ex wouldn't have many years left of CMS. You are still going to pay just a lot less.

At 16 your Son can get a little job. Honestly what I'd give for my child to be 15 and I could work a lot more hours during the week! It's not like your ex is left to juggle a 7 year old!

If the mum’s eligible for benefits she’ll have been claiming them already. Child maintenance money isn’t included for means-testing.

So what should be the first to go?

housing? Food? Heating?

most people don’t spend more than they need to on these things. It costs money to move or downsize. Chances are a smaller property will mean no space for his son’s bedroom. Sell the car and he can’t pick his son up any more. He still needs to provide his son with food and heat when he comes to stay.

the ex is living mortgage free in their family home. No childcare costs. She works full time. she’s likely now better off than o/p with a much larger disposable.

it isn’t “the first to go” in this case. It is being reduced in line with income.

i’m married but we have several “plan b’s” should one of us lose our income. Death, divorce, critical illness, and age are all part of life. My dad dropped dead in his 40’s and that was our household income gone as my mum was a sahm- it happens. it could have happened to o/p, then her maintenance is £0.

if she is so reliant on cm she can’t manage without it then that’s her issue. She’s had 4 years living mortgage free with a FT income plus £750 a month. That’s plenty for 2 people. If her finances really don’t stretch she should have looked into an insurance policy for o/p that would cover CM in case of illness or death.

i swear some women would see their ex on the streets if they got to keep their money.

Honestly @Intothesunshine you don’t need to reply to these. You gave your ex a Mortgage free home and £750 a month whilst you could. Your circumstances are beyond your control, you’ve not just decided to quit. You do not have to justify yourself, at all.

I say this as a single parent myself. What has the mother been doing with £750 every month for 1 child? She's had a good run and she should of planned to save some of that money in case of a rainy day. At the end of the day it's tough OP is 64 and I think OP should contact CMS himself and speak to his son himself like you say.

I think in the circumstances you describe there is lower risk or certainly more opportunity to influence and discuss.

You could say that about any household though surely? Or should married couples only take one income into account for which mortgage or car they take on? Of course I get that life happens and it may well be that belts gave to be tightened but what I object to is the idea that maintenance is the first on the list to go. It's seen as expendable and it should be the opposite.