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AIBU?

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Original poster

Unhappy at my DP for his actions at DS christening

113 replies

ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 13:03

So DS was christened 2 weeks ago and I am still fuming. It would be a long rant to put in every micro detail but don’t want to drip feed either so bear with me and I will try and get my points across. Basically there are 3 main things that have upset me:

  1. DS was whisked off me fairly early on in the party after the ceremony by DSIL and then not long after some of my side started to leave. Hence lots of pics of DS with DP’s friends and family but very little with mine. I think in all honesty some of my friends may have left early because they couldn’t get a look in so may as well go home and be comfy on their sofa kinda thing. I am embarrassed and wish I had stood up to DSIL who pressured me in to handing DS over saying Auntie needed to have a hold and mummy was being mean monopolising him.

  2. both my DM and DMIL have recently passed. We had pics of them both there as grandparents to my DS. I found out after the event that DP and DFIL had taken some nice pics of them with DS and DMIL but didn’t think to take any of DS with my DM nor put it on my radar that I may want to do the same. I didn’t think of it at the time in all honesty because things were busy as they are when you are hosting anything but now feel a horrible guilt that my DM was a poor side event whereas DMIL had a lovely fuss made of her and the photos are always there for my DS to see, and do not include my DM.

  3. Myself and DP have recently got engaged. I have been engaged 4 times previously in previous failed relationships which I am embarrassed about and DP knows that, but hey life doesn’t always go to plan for all of us hey and things happen. However, he had many drinks at DS’s christening and was pretty drunk and made a very disparaging comment to me at the end of the day when everyone had left apart from his family and referred to me being engaged a number of times as a sort of put-down to shut me up. I felt humiliated and went silent and luckily I think the others realised my discomfort and so nothing further was said but I am still upset at him for doing this and using this against me in a public forum in front of all his family when mine had all gone.

I am struggling to get past all this and have cried for days afterwards. I have no enthusiasm for DS’ christening cards or anything like that as I just feel they are reminders of what was a horrible day for me.

i feel that it was basically DP’s party for his family and friends and they celebrated and me and my family/ friends just came along for the ride.

AIBU??? Please tell me if I am as I want to get past this but am struggling.

OP posts:
JLou08 · 22/07/2025 13:21

For your DP and FIL, MIL will be the priority, I don't think they did anything wrong with the pictures. I don't think your family would have left because they didn't get a look in with the baby, they could have still celebrated with you and the family. Given your 3rd point though, in which your DP was clearly out of order, I wonder if they left early because your DP is a twat and maybe the drinking. For me, Christenings aren't an excuse to get drunk, it's a child's event. I'd frown up on a parent being drunk at their child's Christening.

NuffSaidSam · 22/07/2025 13:21

The first two points you are being unreasonable. You're cross with yourself and blaming it on DP. It was for you to manage DS and his interaction with your family and friends. That's not DP's job, he was busy seeing to his side of the family.

The third one sounds awful, using something he knows embarrasses
you to silence you is a huge red flag. What were you saying that he wanted to silence you about?

MugsyBalonz · 22/07/2025 13:20

ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 13:16

It’s not about MY interactions with my family and friends, more my child’s - it was DS’ christening and none of my friends or family had much of a chance to see him as he was monopolised by DP’s family and that is my issue, not about me

Show quote history

But you could have taken him back at any time, he's your baby and you could have just said "excuse me, just borrowing DS to go say hello to so-and-so/have a photo with my mum/do a quick tour of the room".

Unless there is a huge backstory of longer term selfish behaviour then the issue here is that they're not mind-readers, if you left DS with them and didn't say anything about it then they'd have no reason not to presume you were fine with it.

Original poster
ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 13:19

MyGreyTiger · 22/07/2025 13:18

That’s your fault imo, speak up and go get YOUR child back?

Show quote history

Yeah, I wish I had have done. I have issues re people pleasing and need to be more assertive sometimes and completely accept that.

OP posts:
MyGreyTiger · 22/07/2025 13:19

The first 2 points YABU to blame DP but point 3 is understandable you would be upset

MyGreyTiger · 22/07/2025 13:18

ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 13:16

It’s not about MY interactions with my family and friends, more my child’s - it was DS’ christening and none of my friends or family had much of a chance to see him as he was monopolised by DP’s family and that is my issue, not about me

Show quote history

That’s your fault imo, speak up and go get YOUR child back?

MugsyBalonz · 22/07/2025 13:18
  1. People probably left because christenings aren't really a big thing, they're more for the parents, godparents, and immediate family so people tend to leave early on. It's a bit of a non-event and, unless your ultra-religious, you'll barely remember it a few years from now.
  1. I think grief is clouding your viewpoint here and I'm sorry for the loss of your mum. You could put together an album of photos of your mum for DS when he's older and write down some memories to share with him. You could include whatever photos you do have of the two of them together, you could also take some photos of him with photos of your mum. There are Photoshop groups on FB too, if you give them some christening photos they will be able to Photoshop your mum and DS together.
  1. Being disrespectful to you when drunk is a huge red flag and, unless addressed now, is likely to get worse as the years go on. Have you told him it upset you and, if so, how did he respond?
Original poster
ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 13:16

HelloGreen · 22/07/2025 13:13

YABU over the first points. DP isn’t responsible for your interactions with your family or friends.

But the comment was out of order.

And the main issue is you have a feeling of separation from him. A them vs us feeling about you and your friends/family and him and his.

It’s not about MY interactions with my family and friends, more my child’s - it was DS’ christening and none of my friends or family had much of a chance to see him as he was monopolised by DP’s family and that is my issue, not about me

OP posts:
HelloGreen · 22/07/2025 13:13

YABU over the first points. DP isn’t responsible for your interactions with your family or friends.

But the comment was out of order.

And the main issue is you have a feeling of separation from him. A them vs us feeling about you and your friends/family and him and his.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 22/07/2025 13:11

Ryeman · 22/07/2025 13:10

First 2 points I think you are being unreasonable and over sensitive. 3rd point he shouldn’t have made those comments in front of others.

This.

Ryeman · 22/07/2025 13:10

First 2 points I think you are being unreasonable and over sensitive. 3rd point he shouldn’t have made those comments in front of others.

Original poster
ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 13:08

Vaxtable · 22/07/2025 13:06

Why don’t you get hold of your mother’s picture and take some photos now? Hold a small family event for your family only and take some photos with them

Tell your partner he has been a dick and see what he says

but do you really want to marry him if he is like this?

Edited

When it is just me and him he is usually great. I think alcohol and a predominant focus on his family and friends when hosting has unfortunately made him a bit less thoughtful towards me on this occasion

OP posts:
Vaxtable · 22/07/2025 13:06

Why don’t you get hold of your mother’s picture and take some photos now? Hold a small family event for your family only and take some photos with them

Tell your partner he has been a dick and see what he says

but do you really want to marry him if he is like this?