Unhappy at my DP for his actions at DS christening

1 and 2 are not his fault your being unreasonable there.

Part three where he in front of others passes comment on your many failed engagements was inappropriate.

Nobody left because your sil was holding baby they left before they where over the party part.

It would take huge steps of change for me to want to marry dp your place right now. Why did the other engagements fail? Is there a pattern of you picking arsehole men or a pattern of you blaming them for things that are not them such as point 1 and 2.

both my DM and DMIL have recently passed. We had pics of them both there as grandparents to my DS. I found out after the event that DP and DFIL had taken some nice pics of them with DS and DMIL but didn’t think to take any of DS with my DM nor put it on my radar that I may want to do the same. I didn’t think of it at the time in all honesty because things were busy as they are when you are hosting anything but now feel a horrible guilt that my DM was a poor side event whereas DMIL had a lovely fuss made of her and the photos are always there for my DS to see, and do not include my DM.

I don't understand this?? What were people making a fuss of? A photo of your MIL?

1. Your friends will have been there to support you not see your baby. This isn’t DH fault.
2. This isn’t his fault. If you wanted photos you should have got them.
3. This is a massive issue and the fact you’ve buried after this makes we worry about what else you think isn’t a big deal.

1. It’s a bit of a leaning curve, we all being there. Next time you should be more assertive and plus have someone reliable in charge of photos and give them clear instructions, basically plan, plan, plan. However don’t worry much people are not so keen on holding babies as parents think, sorry, your friends just left without any hard feelings.
2. Sorry for your loss. You are emotional understandably about it, lots of good advices here. Do something memorable it always helps.
3. It’s big and bad. Your partner was a huge twat and you need to think hard why it’s happened was it a drink or attitude or family or friends encouraged it. You have a long road ahead ( hopefully) and this sort of behaviour always makes things worse. Think yourself, ask advice here and then have a conversation with him.

This.

Especially number 1 - I always allowed people to take DS and would be disappointed in my friends for leaving early - not blaming someone else for them doing so.

Are you Stacey

I think it’s a weird dynamic for a couple who are planning to marry. It seems to be him and his family, or you and your family.

As an engaged couple, I would expect it’s your family (you, fiancé, baby) and others fit around you. You’d be having photos together, and other members of the extended family (from either or both sides) would be joining in.

You didn't need a Christening!
You are being very sensitive!
I think you need to grow a back bone and start standing up for yourself!

And this - whereas DMIL had a lovely fuss made of her - weird! How can you make a big fuss or a photo?

3rd point he shouldn’t have made those comments in front of others.

Or at all.

OP: this getting engaged thing. 'Getting Engaged' is a non-event. It has no legal status and doesn't commit anyone to anything , as you have found.

You don't need a big wedding to get married.

Your decision on marriage should be based, IMO, on:
Do you love your DP? Are you a team, you two together making your way in the world for each other and for your children?
Does he feel the same about you? Are you his rick, his best friend, his inspiration?
Does marriage benefit you? If you are a SAHM and he pays a mortgage on house which does not have your name on the Deeds: get married! If you have your own property, bought before you got together, with lots of equity, and you earn more and have better career prospects - think twice and then think twice again about marriage.

You seem very focussed on events, photos etc. Look inward at yourself and your relationship. That's the most important view.

Really sorry you lost your Mum. Bound to feel rocked and insecure for a while.

Have another get together for your family.

But your title is “Unhappy at my DP for his actions at DS christening”

these aren’t his actions. You’re upset about something but YABU to blame your DP

I can see why this is a tad upsetting, but surely even you can see that fuming two weeks later over this is an insane overreaction?

He's hosting a Christening, looking after the baby, mourning his mum and drunk...it's hardly super surprising that he didn't remember to remind you to take a photo with your mum (when you forgot yourself!!). Come on! You can't really be blaming him for that one.

I think you need to put this behind you and work on asserting yourself better in future. If someone tried to take my baby and called me a meanie I wouldn’t let them near the baby. I have a slightly unhinged relative who did try to take my baby from my arms once and I said no, she’s staying with me while stepping back. She stamped her foot and everyone nearby thought she was nuts. Get a carrier if this sort of thing happens often.

How is that your DPs fault?

What's his plan for stopping drinking?

DS was whisked off me fairly early on in the party after the ceremony by DSIL and then not long after some of my side started to leave. Hence lots of pics of DS with DP’s friends and family but very little with mine. I think in all honesty some of my friends may have left early because they couldn’t get a look in so may as well go home and be comfy on their sofa kinda thing.

I really, really doubt any of your friends left a Christening because they couldn't hold your baby....

You could have simply said, "right let me get a hold of DS, it's so and so's turn for photos" and taken it from there.

I understand your frustration, perhaps your partner and his family did take over and had a more dominant personality than yours but surely don't cry about it - learn from the experience x

I have had similar happen to me (first birthday party) but I really couldn't blame anyone - I have just had to adopt a more dominant role with my children and leave the hosting alone - husband could do it.

Although his comment regarding your previous engagements is mean; I would talk to him about this and expect an apology, and such comments should not reoccurr. No one should use past behaviour against their partner especially if he intends on marrying you.

I think you are a bit ott in regards to the first two. You easily could have taken the baby back. I am very sorry about your mother but I am not sure that it is his fault that you did not think of doing similar.

The third thing was mean and cruel. I suspect though this will happen again and again. I would have a lot of reservation about getting married to this man.

I would be furious over his comment.
What's on a drunks person's lips, is on a sober person's mind.

The photo too, he is a selfish fecker.

I think you should put ex engagement number 5 under your hat, unless he grows up pronto. I find a lot of men thoughtless, if it is not in their interest then it isn't worth thinking about. Prick.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mum, it's really hard when you have a little baby. 😢

I’m always surprised at people having christenings that aren’t very religious. Like a sham christening. Bit weird. You aren’t married and don’t go to church, why bother with a christening which is a celebration and welcome into the church.

I just think it’s mean to put it in your points of reasons you’re annoyed with DP. Neither of you took your child off of his side of the family so you are both at fault.

I am a people pleaser too but don’t feel bad getting your baby back OP

Number three is a massive no no. The first two not idea, sounds a bit shit but nothing glaringly standing out there as a big issue.

Sorry about your mum, it must have been a hard day without her there, MIL having recently passed too must have meant there were a lot of raw nerves around.