Unhappy at my DP for his actions at DS christening

Pay attention to how much alcohol you have at family functions. Too much often spoils it for everyone.
You were upset, and all the other people seeing your hurt were upset too.

All that might be true but assuming the OP didn't hide her 'past' when they got engaged it seems totally unreasonable to subsequently hold it against her. If he didn't like it, he didn't need to become number 5.

I think you should be happy that your baby is so loved that people are fighting over time with him. He sounds like a lucky boy!

I'm sure your friends weren't offended as most people outside of immediate family aren't really desperate to see/spend time with babies who are all alike and quite boring 😃

As for the photos with your mum - you can still do loads of those now. What's stopping you?

The comment was shitty though, but I wouldn't break a 5th engagement over it.

Another one for this.

Yes, what would 'sting' about it?

Op, invite some of your family and friends around for a pleasant afternoon with just your side, cuddle your baby. Take a photo with your mum. Tell your do his role is to support and if he’s drunk he will have to leave as you won’t be humiliated by him.

Well it’s either regular bad choices of partner or they are the bad choice that puts on a good persona to get that far then the mask slips.

Unless we get into black widow territory where the Fiancés always meet their demise.

You're too passive op.

I've been engaged 4 times also and we just laugh that I'm the runaway bride.

To use it as a put down is wrong though.

Really?

1+ 2 Yabu.

Your friends sound petty too if they left because they weren't patient enough to wait a bit longer.

You can't blame your DP about the photos, he at least thought about his mother but you didn't even think about yours.

1. Is there anything good about him?

You need to start standing up for yourself in the moment. No point dwelling on things afterwards and being miserable. Speak up straight away where you need to. Don't put the blame on others if you allow yourself to be pushed to the side.

You could have taken him back

Agreed.

Why?

1. YABU
2. YABU
3. YANBU - does he have form for making these types of comment?

YABU about the first two.

You handed the baby over, and yes he could have gone and got him but so could you. Was he monitoring and aware that his sister had the baby for a while? And I doubt your friends left because they couldn’t get a look in with the baby.

Im sorry about your mum, but I’m not sure how the fact there’s no pictures of her with your son from that day is his fault. You seem cross that he “made a fuss” over his mum but didn’t remind you to do the same? Kindly, I think you are cross at yourself, and understandably grieving, and putting it on him.

His comments sound horrible though. Has he even attempted to apologise?

Absolutely this.

@ConfusedChix crying for days over this is a massive overreaction. You might want to work on your resilience.

Can I just say something, OP:

You don't have to marry him. You don't even need to stay with him. It's okay to say it's not what you want and call it quits.

People-pleasing is awful because it often leads to doing what you think other people want even when it goes against your own instincts. My friend got married because she got swept away in what she thought everyone expected and was always just jumping to the next step and the next, following the pattern rather than following what she actually wanted to do. She was always "I can't call off the engagement, there's a party planned and people will be upset" and "I've got to go through with the wedding, it's all booked" and so on. It was always about anticipating other people's thoughts and reactions. Twenty years later and she was miserable, sacked it all off, and is much happier now.

Admittedly, I know nothing about the inner workings of your relationship but there is nothing in your posts that indicates a depth of feeling for him or even an enjoyment of spending time with him and time with his family. It seems to be you and your DS as one unit within the relationship and then him and his family are a seperate unit but you view him as belonging entirely to them rather than also belonging to you.

It’s got to sting a bit being someone’s fifth fiancé though.

I have a feeling engagement No 5 is going to
go the same road as engagements 1,2,3
and 4.

I’m very sorry you are so sad about this. I can’t imagine a mother allowing a SiL to high jack her child at a christening.

maybe focus about how you could handle that differently in future. Do you struggle to assert yourself in other areas of your life ? Get that sorted and life will get much more enjoyable for you.

The whole thing is about you and your DP. The entire reason you had a big party is so you can get all dressed up and invite your friends and family. That is nothing to do with your DS.

If your DP is a mean drunk, he needs to stop drinking completely. Don’t marry this man or have any more children with him.

Points 1 and 2 sound like a grief reaction to me. I'm sorry for your loss please be kind to yourself.
Point 3 only you know his true Intentions. Was it an ill thought out joke? or is he a horrible person undermining you, its hard for us to know.

YABU for all except your last point.
The first two are down to you not being assertive on the day.
Point 3 would have me considering adding him to the list of failed engagements.

God people can be so mean on here.

@ConfusedChix , you are grieving and have a young baby. Two life events designed to push you close to the edge. I agree with the pp who suggested making an album of photos and mementoes of your dm.

With regards to mean comments I’d be avoiding this kind of gathering until your partner can grow up and learn that real men support their partners in public.

If being engaged feels cringe then forget it. It’s pretty meaningless unless you are actively planning a wedding. Discuss like adults what you both want and go from there.

Now dry your eyes and go and squish your lovely baby.