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Original poster

Unhappy at my DP for his actions at DS christening

113 replies

ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 13:03

So DS was christened 2 weeks ago and I am still fuming. It would be a long rant to put in every micro detail but don’t want to drip feed either so bear with me and I will try and get my points across. Basically there are 3 main things that have upset me:

  1. DS was whisked off me fairly early on in the party after the ceremony by DSIL and then not long after some of my side started to leave. Hence lots of pics of DS with DP’s friends and family but very little with mine. I think in all honesty some of my friends may have left early because they couldn’t get a look in so may as well go home and be comfy on their sofa kinda thing. I am embarrassed and wish I had stood up to DSIL who pressured me in to handing DS over saying Auntie needed to have a hold and mummy was being mean monopolising him.

  2. both my DM and DMIL have recently passed. We had pics of them both there as grandparents to my DS. I found out after the event that DP and DFIL had taken some nice pics of them with DS and DMIL but didn’t think to take any of DS with my DM nor put it on my radar that I may want to do the same. I didn’t think of it at the time in all honesty because things were busy as they are when you are hosting anything but now feel a horrible guilt that my DM was a poor side event whereas DMIL had a lovely fuss made of her and the photos are always there for my DS to see, and do not include my DM.

  3. Myself and DP have recently got engaged. I have been engaged 4 times previously in previous failed relationships which I am embarrassed about and DP knows that, but hey life doesn’t always go to plan for all of us hey and things happen. However, he had many drinks at DS’s christening and was pretty drunk and made a very disparaging comment to me at the end of the day when everyone had left apart from his family and referred to me being engaged a number of times as a sort of put-down to shut me up. I felt humiliated and went silent and luckily I think the others realised my discomfort and so nothing further was said but I am still upset at him for doing this and using this against me in a public forum in front of all his family when mine had all gone.

I am struggling to get past all this and have cried for days afterwards. I have no enthusiasm for DS’ christening cards or anything like that as I just feel they are reminders of what was a horrible day for me.

i feel that it was basically DP’s party for his family and friends and they celebrated and me and my family/ friends just came along for the ride.

AIBU??? Please tell me if I am as I want to get past this but am struggling.

OP posts:
Lanzarotelady · 22/07/2025 15:46

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SUPerSaver721 · 22/07/2025 15:46

SparklyGlitterballs · 22/07/2025 15:42

I'm a little confused and I'm probably not understanding things correctly. You say the christening was 2 weeks ago but your DM and DMIL passed within the last 6 months. How were the photos taken at the party with DFIL, DS and DMIL if she has already died?

Im sorry for your losses OP.

It was a picture of her mother and mother in law. Not them physically there.

Lanzarotelady · 22/07/2025 15:45

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Waterweight · 22/07/2025 15:44

Sounds like you all got carried away with your partner's side hence your friends leaving early & unfortunately the photographer should have been incharge of arranging photos & asked your mum if she would like them (maybe they did & she was more modest ?)

Id be raging about the comment about you with other men though. Absolutely scum to say anything at your own child's christening

SparklyGlitterballs · 22/07/2025 15:42

I'm a little confused and I'm probably not understanding things correctly. You say the christening was 2 weeks ago but your DM and DMIL passed within the last 6 months. How were the photos taken at the party with DFIL, DS and DMIL if she has already died?

Im sorry for your losses OP.

Original poster
ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 15:39

whitewineandsun · 22/07/2025 15:37

You should have said something then?

.As for your partner's later comment, that was mean and out of order. He knows you're embarrassed by the fact you've been engaged several times before, and used that to silence you. Has he done this before? This is a red flag for me. Is he going to use this every time something doesn't go his way or you say something he doesn't like?!

This is what I would focus on. There are red flags all over this.

Edited
Show quote history

Absolutely I should and a definite note made to certainly do so should this happen again in similar circs. I am a people pleaser and can be a little too passive but it is only at my own expense so big girl boots will be worn next time.

OP posts:
whitewineandsun · 22/07/2025 15:37

ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 13:16

It’s not about MY interactions with my family and friends, more my child’s - it was DS’ christening and none of my friends or family had much of a chance to see him as he was monopolised by DP’s family and that is my issue, not about me

Show quote history

You should have said something then?

.As for your partner's later comment, that was mean and out of order. He knows you're embarrassed by the fact you've been engaged several times before, and used that to silence you. Has he done this before? This is a red flag for me. Is he going to use this every time something doesn't go his way or you say something he doesn't like?!

This is what I would focus on. There are red flags all over this.

Original poster
ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 15:36

Screamingabdabz · 22/07/2025 15:30

Do you even know what a Christening represents? It’s about your child being welcomed into the body of Christ. It has a deeply theological and sacramental meaning.

You and your ‘partner’ have managed to make it all about you, family drama and social media photos. Just why even bother bringing the church into it? Do you have any Christian beliefs?

Who mentioned anything about social media??? The only photos mentioned are the physical ones of my deceased DM and DMIL that were there for sentimental reasons as both have passed within the last 6 months. And yes, more than capable of understanding the meaning behind a christening thanks, and especially with having close relatives on the other side this is partly why it has hurt so much. I wanted perfect I guess in their honour and that doesn’t exist but this didn’t even come close.

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 22/07/2025 15:30

Do you even know what a Christening represents? It’s about your child being welcomed into the body of Christ. It has a deeply theological and sacramental meaning.

You and your ‘partner’ have managed to make it all about you, family drama and social media photos. Just why even bother bringing the church into it? Do you have any Christian beliefs?

Theunamedcat · 22/07/2025 15:30

Wait for the comment about the multiple engagements to pop up again and tell him your happy to make it with time lucky if he wants to keep acting like this

Sassybooklover · 22/07/2025 15:28

There was nothing stopping you from taking your son off your SIL, and saying you want some photos taken with your family. It's down to you to organise your son's interactions with your own family. Don't take out the fact you're cross with yourself, on your partner. He didn't do anything wrong at this point. Your partner or his family aren't mind readers, you didn't say anything or take your son off them, so their presumption is, you were happy. You need to be more assertive and put boundaries in place. As for your partner's later comment, that was mean and out of order. He knows you're embarrassed by the fact you've been engaged several times before, and used that to silence you. Has he done this before? This is a red flag for me. Is he going to use this every time something doesn't go his way or you say something he doesn't like?!

BlankBlankBlank14 · 22/07/2025 15:27

1 and 2 OPs issue

3 nasty Dp

Original poster
ConfusedChix · 22/07/2025 15:22

Wow some posters are harsh. I mean, yeah I asked for advice but do some of you just get off on being able to be nasty to people anonymously on here? If so, some of you seriously need to seek therapy to get over yourselves. (and before anyone says anything not saying I don’t have issues but unnecessary nastiness ain’t one of them!!!)

For the poster who said I didn’t think about my mum - obviously you haven’t lost yours or you would know how impossible that is. I just thought in a different way and would have liked to have done similar if I had thought. Yes, he thought and that was lovely of him to do so but I do wish he would have nudged me to the same as I would have loved that and you know what, the other way around I would have considered him and given him a prompt rather than do something one-sided. But hey, maybe that is just me and not everything thinks of others all the time.

For the people who have offered realism without nastiness, thank you, I appreciate you, and it is certainly helping me gain perspective on the first two points.

I am very hurt on the last point. I do think alcohol played a massive part in this and yes I think the advice re watching how much he drinks at events may be helpful. He is a different person when he drinks, although not usually so nasty.

OP posts:
AllHoityToity · 22/07/2025 15:17

People, don’t leave christenings because the baby is being held by someone on the ‘other side’.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 22/07/2025 15:15

Ryeman · 22/07/2025 13:10

First 2 points I think you are being unreasonable and over sensitive. 3rd point he shouldn’t have made those comments in front of others.

I agree

Sugargliderwombat · 22/07/2025 15:15

Also, if he is secretly a dick don't marry him out of fear of it being 5. I'd rather 20 failed engagements than a shitty marriage.

Sugargliderwombat · 22/07/2025 15:14

I don't think yabu for being upset. It must have been really hard especially after losing your mum recently. Your DH has probably got too drunk because it was hard for him too (not an excuse, just maybe a reason that could help you move past it?).

columnatedruinsdomino · 22/07/2025 15:13

I hope the reason that you didn’t get to see your baby wasn’t because you were busy hosting alone while dp was having fun with his family!
And as for the humiliating comment about four failed engagements I think I would have had to say something along the lines of making it five… Twat!
More resilience and standing up for yourself in the future definitely. How about a wedding with just two witnesses? Eliminate the party aspect if that’s what you want.

momager1 · 22/07/2025 15:10

momager1 · 22/07/2025 15:03

nothing wrong with being a fifth time engaged. I was married , then divorced, proposed to 3x, one I said no right away, one i said yes but spent the next month knowing , that no matter how lovely he was (and he really was in every sense of the word) he did not want any children and as I had a daughter, who he was kind to, was very obvious that being with a mum, was not his first choice. So I ended it. Then, Himself came along. A single father to two boys, loved me, loved my daughter and adopted her. that was over 20 years ago, and he annoys the fuck out of me sometimes, but right now, sitting right across from me, having a coffee and bitching about trump. Would not change him for the world. There is NO SHAME @OP for being engaged several times. You did not marry as it was not right, and traditionally , that is what an engagement period is for. Head held high OP

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also @ConfusedChix , tell him that the fact so many men wanted to marry you, makes you a great catch!!!!

YourGladSquid · 22/07/2025 15:09

I personally see humour at someone else’s expense as a gigantic red flag (especially with an audience, not some playful teasing between you two at home) and it would immediately put me off. My brother is like this (especially drunk) and we don’t speak.

My partner also gets overly excited with an audience and overshares but doesn’t roast like that. I don’t think I’d be able to cope as I’d be extremely put off.

momager1 · 22/07/2025 15:03

Icanttakethisanymore · 22/07/2025 14:21

Why?

Show quote history

nothing wrong with being a fifth time engaged. I was married , then divorced, proposed to 3x, one I said no right away, one i said yes but spent the next month knowing , that no matter how lovely he was (and he really was in every sense of the word) he did not want any children and as I had a daughter, who he was kind to, was very obvious that being with a mum, was not his first choice. So I ended it. Then, Himself came along. A single father to two boys, loved me, loved my daughter and adopted her. that was over 20 years ago, and he annoys the fuck out of me sometimes, but right now, sitting right across from me, having a coffee and bitching about trump. Would not change him for the world. There is NO SHAME @OP for being engaged several times. You did not marry as it was not right, and traditionally , that is what an engagement period is for. Head held high OP

Neemie · 22/07/2025 15:02

I think you are being over sensitive on all 3 points.

amicisimma · 22/07/2025 14:57

" no way do I want to plan a wedding now as I don’t want anything similar to happen at the wedding "

I would have thought that something similar happening at your wedding is the least of your worries. What about what happens in the years following the wedding?

MummaMummaMumma · 22/07/2025 14:52

First 2 point YABU. Seriously.
You want your kids back, you get your kids back. Your friends likely left because christenings are boring, not because he wasn't there with you.
It's not on your partner to give you ideas about photos.
3, sounds like you're super sensitive about it. Maybe he meant to be funny, maybe he was being an arse, hard to say.

WhatdoesitmeanKeith · 22/07/2025 14:50

Squishymallows · 22/07/2025 13:24

I’m always surprised at people having christenings that aren’t very religious. Like a sham christening. Bit weird. You aren’t married and don’t go to church, why bother with a christening which is a celebration and welcome into the church.

Agree completely. Add to that the drunken father and it’s all a bit of a mess.