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Original poster

Can’t work out how much DH golf is reasonable - help!

86 replies

Southern1964 · 22/07/2025 12:17

Married 13 years, decent marriage most of the time.
DH has loved golf for the most part but this is the one thing that causes friction.
Currently plays once a week 8-1pm Saturday or Sunday, or a Friday afternoon. Has been on a 4 days trip to Spain already in June this year, a few corporate days in the week, playing at another club in a week or so (a few hours away)
Just found out by accident (without him checking in first) that he has booked another ‘stay over’ mid August a few days before we go on our summer holiday, a weekend we’d use to pack and get sorted.
Its an understatement to say I am furious, this is costing over £300 when he’s already spent so much already and I’ve helped him with some of it.
Its making me so resentful to the point I stiffen up even at the mention of golf or anything associated with it because frankly I think he’s taking the piss.
We have a 6, 11 & 14 year old so pretty busy with activities too.
He say it’s his ‘hobby’ and he doesn’t stop me doing anything (I go to a few 6am gym classes and straight to work so he will do school drop off on 2 days)
I just don’t know how to deal with it. I feel like I’m festering on the edge of psycho at the moment as he just can’t see my POV 😕
Any advice welcome…..

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 22/07/2025 12:28

If you can't spend an equal amount of time and money doing a hobby of your own then it's too much.

pontipinemum · 22/07/2025 12:26

I'd be annoyed. To book a weekend away without even telling you. Not that he needs your permission but a discussion is needed when kids are involved.

I would be booking my own girls weekend somewhere for October

FrenchandSaunders · 22/07/2025 12:26

QuickFawn · 22/07/2025 12:24

It doesn’t sound that much if he’s pulling his weight in other ways
dc are mostly old enough to pack themselves and your dh can also pack himself so is there really that much to do?

the trip is booked so that wouldn’t be the hill I’d die on as it’s already done

If you think golf in general feels like it’s impacting you all to much and perhaps it should be a Friday afternoon as to not impact family time or if it’s a weekend day then it’s ever other weekend focus on that sort of compromise?

I doubt the 6 year old will be able to pack very effectively. The 11 year old should, but might need a bit of a hand/check .... def the 14 year old should be doing their own, and the DH.

RandomMess · 22/07/2025 12:25

The secrecy, money, default parent and timing of this trip are the issue.

Thats what you need to tell him.

It was a secret because he absolutely knows it’s bad timing.

ErrolTheDragon · 22/07/2025 12:25

Anything which requires a stay and significant expenditure should be discussed between partners with kids.

QuickFawn · 22/07/2025 12:24

It doesn’t sound that much if he’s pulling his weight in other ways
dc are mostly old enough to pack themselves and your dh can also pack himself so is there really that much to do?

the trip is booked so that wouldn’t be the hill I’d die on as it’s already done

If you think golf in general feels like it’s impacting you all to much and perhaps it should be a Friday afternoon as to not impact family time or if it’s a weekend day then it’s ever other weekend focus on that sort of compromise?

FrenchandSaunders · 22/07/2025 12:24

He should have told you about the August trip but one day a week playing golf doesn't sound much at all.

wizzywig · 22/07/2025 12:24

I only had to read the title to tell you: whatever he is wanting to play is too much.

Mrsttcno1 · 22/07/2025 12:23

I think you need to pinpoint what the issue with it is,
so that you can communicate that more clearly because I wonder if maybe it’s not obvious what the problem is to him now.

Is the problem the time it takes up? If so, how can you make sure you both get that same time so if he gets 5 hours on a Saturday then do you also get 5 hours each week? If not, that’s your issue.

Is it the cost? If so then do you have shared finances, is it money you can’t afford to spend,
do you also get £X to pay for a hobby/treatment etc? If not, there’s your issue.

Or is it the secrecy? My husband & I both have hobbies, no issues with that, we both get the time to enjoy those, but we don’t dictate to each other and so neither of us would book a trip without checking first.

PermanentTemporary · 22/07/2025 12:22

The time itself sounds ok in isolation. From what you’re saying, the time and in particular money involved is increasing from what you already felt was quite a big compromise on your part, and that’s making you feel like he doesn’t see the compromise you’re already making.

Your reaction does sound really strong but is it the default parent thing? Not that it’s so crazy for him to go on 2 weekends away, but that when he books something like that without consulting you, he’s single handedly decided what you are going to be doing that weekend - you’ll be looking after the kids. Filling your calendar without discussing it. Maybe that’s why you’re so furious?

Everintroverte · 22/07/2025 12:20

I would be furious to OP, mainly because it's just before your family holiday so assume that the prep will all fall to you. I would be booking myself the equal time away, alone. Let him manage work, kids and home for a week and see if he still feels the same.

Edited to add - as for paying for it. It's his hobby so he should be paying for it himself.

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